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Brad Pitt is Allegedly Shooting His Wad Everywhere!

According to two new tabloid cover stories, Brad Pitt recently got one woman pregnant and is on the verge of doing the same to another woman.

He seemingly has the hardest working sperm in show business.

First, according to Star Magazine, Pitt knocked up a “secret lover” who he met at an art exhibit earlier this year. She’s in her 20s, the magazine writes and… that’s about it.

The rarely-reliable publication doesn’t offer many details in regard to this claim.

It has simply published the cover below, replete with an amazing Photoshopped image of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston and the allegation that there’s some “DNA test” out there that proves this pregnancy is legitimate.

“This will be an absolute nightmare for Brad if her claims are true,” an anonymous source says, adding:

“After all the drama he’s been through over the past two years, he’s desperate to keep his life as trouble- and scandal-free as possible.”

Well, yeah. That makes sense to us.

Pitt, of course, is the father of six kids, all with Jolie.

And his ex-wife is “absolutely furious” about the situation, says this insider, describing it as causing “total chaos” in their ongoing custody negotiations.

“She must suspect that the woman is genuine or should wouldn’t be raging at Brad this way,” reads the article.

“Up until now, it’s just been all about their six kids. How he’s going to explain this to them is anyone’s guess.”

Previously, we heard that Jolie was also angry about Pitt supposedly dating Neri Oxman.

But do you know who else must be peeved that Pitt has reportedly impregnated some random young woman?

Aniston… considering she may also want to have a baby with the actor!

It’s almost definitely not true, based on the latest In Touch Weekly cover:

Jen & Brad: Let’s Have A Baby! the cover screams, following up on a myriad of rumors that insist Pitt and Aniston are back together.

You knew these articles would start coming out as soon as Aniston announced her divorce from Justin Theroux.

But the level to which many of these tabloids have sunk in their so-called reporting is rather sad and hilarious.

In this case, some insider claims that Aniston is “more determined than ever to have a baby” and “pals believe it will happen now that” Pitt is “back in her life.”

Says one friend who we’re certain absolutely exists:

“It’s like destiny brought them together, and I can definitely see them having a child together.”

Of course, they didn’t have a child when they were married.

And Aniston didn’t have a child with Theroux.

But, hey, whatever: this is destiny and it’s totally easy to see her becoming a first-time mother at age 49.

“He and Jen have talked about moving in together and giving this another try,” alleges another source, mentioning the use of IVF and concluding:

“This could all lead to her finally having his baby.”

FINALLY is right!

We’ve just been waiting forever for Jennifer to become a mother and we think it’s sort of selfish of her to not have done so already.

While we’re mostly just making fun of these reports in this post, Aniston turned serious last August, understandably reacting in anger to constant talk about the state of her womb.

“We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child,” Aniston said, responding to years of chatter about whether she’ll have a baby.

She added:

“We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone…

“Nobody’s right to judge someone else’s choices. No one knows what’s going on beyond the four walls of your home, of these people who are having or not having children…

“Everybody likes to get into each other’s panty drawers. Stay in your own backyard and let everybody live their lives.”

Seriously, just look down below.

Look at ALL the times tabloids have erroneously claimed that Aniston was pregnant. When will enough be enough?

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