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Donald Trump to Royals: Remember When I Tried to Bang Princess Di?

Someday in the near future, when you and your family are gathered around a flickering Coleman lantern, digesting the golden retriever you enjoyed for dinner in the nightmarish hellscape that was once America, your children will ask you how Donald Trump came to be president in the first place.

As you have so many times before, you’ll explain that it all started in the Eighties — a time when the country was rich, the clothing was hideous, and douchebags reigned supreme.

While the Donald was writing checks to the guy who wrote The Art of the Deal and plastering his name all over Manhattan, another blonde icon of the era was charming the masses half a world away.

Yes, although her marriage to Prince Charles was already crumbling, in 1987, Princess Diana was still “the people’s princess,” the most beloved royal in recent memory.

Lady Di had poise, grace, and the adoration of millions.

In other words, she was the polar opposite of the man who was not-so-affectionately dubbed “the Donald.”

So it should come as no surprise that when she and Charles finally called it quits, Trump swooped in and attempted to seduce Diana.

And in the predatory fashion he’s become known for, Trump wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Donald and Di

This week, Trump will visit the UK for the first time as president.

And his past behavior and comments toward the royal family are very much on the minds of many Brits.

Members of the British media have been particularly fixated on a 2015 report from a BBC journalist and longtime friend of Diana’s named Selina Scott.

“Trump clearly saw Diana as the ultimate trophy wife,” Scott wrote.

Scott says Trump flat-out stalked Princess Di, to the point that his lavish presents became a source of great concern:

“As the roses and orchids piled up at her apartment she became increasingly concerned about what she should do. It had begun to feel as if Trump was stalking her,” Scott claimed.

“‘What am I going to do?’ she asked. ‘He gives me the creeps.’ ‘Just throw them in the bin,’ I advised. Diana laughed.”

Trump later admitted to being rebuffed by Diana and referred to her as “the one regret in the women department.”

Trump enjoyed a perverse sort of revenge in the years after Diana’s death, boasting that he “could have slept with her” in interviews, even though there were “times when she didn’t look so great.”

After placing Diana on his top ten list of women he would like to sleep with during an interview with Howard Stern, Trump added:

“She was crazy, but those are minor details.”

And Diana’s not the only female royal to capture the Donald’s creepy attention.

Whan topless photos of Kate Middleton made the rounds back in 2012, Trump tweeted that it was Kate’s fault the pics went public.

“Kate Middleton is great–but she shouldn’t be sunbathing in the nude–only herself to blame,” he tweeted at the time.

“Who wouldn’t take Kate’s picture and make lots of money if she does the nude sunbathing thing. Come on Kate!” 

Needless to say, all of this might make for a very awkward official visit.

Fortunately, the new generation of female royals are not easily intimidated by Trump — and at least one of them has already experienced his creepiness head on.

Sources say Meghan Markle “avoided” Trump when she was a model on Deal or No Deal and he made a guest appearance on the show.

If only we could all take that approach.

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Tiffany Haddish Identifies Beyonce Biter, Attempts to Bang Leonardo DiCaprio

Back in March, Tiffany Haddish told a story with a mysterious ending that left the internet scrambling in search of clues.

In a typically candid and hilarious interview, the comedian revealed that she once saw another celebrity bite Beyonce on her face in the middle of an A-list event.

Haddish declined to identify the perpetrator, but further piqued the public’s curiosity by revealing that the feral female was high as a kite when she went in for a taste of Bey:

Near the end of the party,” said Haddish. “Beyoncé’s at the bar, so I said to Beyoncé, ‘Did she really bite you?’ She was like, ‘Yeah,'” Haddish told GQ.

“I was like, ‘She gonna get her ass beat tonight,'” Haddish continued.

“She was like, ‘Tiffany, no. Don’t do that. That bitch is on drugs. She not even drunk. The bitch is on drugs. She not like that all the time. Just chill.’”

At the time, Haddish stubbornly refused to call out the biter by name, but today, in a wide-ranging interview with The Hollywood Reporter, she finally spilled the tea:

Like so many others, we predicted way back when that it was actress Sanaa Lathan who indulged in some top quality bath salts before sinking her teeth into Queen Bey, and now, Haddish has confirmed our suspicions:

“I’m super good friends with her stepmom and her dad [Stan, a producer-director], and they were mad at me,” the Girls Trip star said.

“They were like, ‘Why would you do this to the family? You know, black actresses, you guys have to stick together, it’s so hard for you guys to get work as it is, why would you try to ruin her career?’

“But I didn’t try to ruin her career. I never said her name!”

It’s true.

Haddish tried to protect Lathan’s identity, but internet sleuths are a persistent lot.

She probably figured now that the cat is essentially out of the bag, she might as well come out with it.

Tiffany was less worried about protecting the reputations A-listers like Roseanne (“She been racist, why’d you all give her a TV show?”) and Leonardo DiCaprio.

“I met him at a party two, three months ago, and I asked him if he’d let me hit that,” said Haddish.

“He’s like, ‘Tiffany, you’re so funny.’ I’m like, ‘I’m serious.’ And then he goes, ‘I mean, I’d do it, but…’ … I told him, ‘My only stipulation: 

“I wanna do it with you as your character in What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.’ He starts busting’ up laughing.’”

Our younger readers might need to go watch Gilbert Grape both in order to get that joke and to understand that there was a time when Johnny Depp was more than a melting wax figure of Keith Richards.

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Kailyn Lowry: I’m Gonna Bang a Guy Who Looks Like Quavo!

Last week, we reported on the intriguing news that Kailyn Lowry is shooting a dating show.

Kail shared the news with fans on her Coffee Convos podcast, but she declined to go into any further detail regarding the nature of the project.

Kailyn Lowry-Quavo Split

Unfortunately for her, this is 2018, a time in which there are no secrets, and it didn’t take long for the amateur sleuths of the internet to figure out exactly what’s on deck for Lowry.

It quickly became clear why Kail decided to keep this thing under wraps for as long as possible.

You see, this isn’t your typical dating show.

No, this is a bonkers new series from MTV in which network stars like Kail date doppelgangers of their celebrity crushes.

Not the actual celeb crushes themselves, mind you, just people who sort of look like them.

It seems Kail’s crush is rapper Quavo and as far as we know, producers didn’t just set her up on a date with the other two dudes from Migos.

According to Starcasm, the show will be called either Perfect Match or Game of Clonees.

Sadly, that’s not a typo.

For reasons that defy explanation the title is spelled with two “e’s.”

So basically, this show starts with a lame premise, and it gets even more lame the deeper you dive.

Obviously, it would all be worth it if Kail found the love of her life on the show.

But we probably don’t need to tell you that didn’t happen.

The show filmed in Los Angeles over the weekend and not only was Kail not swept off her feet by any of the Quavo knock-offs, it sounds as though she didn’t particularly enjoy her time making the show.

“This weekend was a waste of my time lol,” Kailyn tweeted on Monday as she was headed back to Delaware.

“Shoulda stayed home.”

During last night’s episode of Teen Mom 2, she added:

“Update: I’m not dating anyone #teenmom2”

Well, at least she didn’t quit her day job and can still look forward to many years of being romantically frustrated by guys who don’t look like celebrities at all.

Watch Teen Mom 2 online for more on the many ups and downs of Kailyn Lowry. 

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Travis Scott: I Can’t WAIT to Bang Kylie Jenner Again!

Kylie Jenner gave birth to sweet baby Stormi Webster and is even showing off a close-up photo of her pretty girl’s face. Awww!

Travis Scott is a proud and happy father, but there’s just one thing missing from this happy family: the sex life that brought Stormi into the world in the first place.

Apparently, the baby daddy is eager to “reunite” with Kylie … but he’s going to have to wait.

According to HollywoodLife‘s source, Travis Scott can’t wait to bang Kylie Jenner again. You know, when it’s safe.

“Poor Travis is going totally crazy because she still doesn’t have the all clear from her doctor to have sex for another two weeks.”

That green light usually — though not always — comes four to six weeks after childbirth (so, two weeks from early March would be exactly right).

This time is important because it gives the cervix time to close, it gives time for postpartum bleeding to stop (because the miracle of life is also a horror film), and it gives time for any lacerations and tears to hopefully heal themselves.

Just because Travis Scott knows all of this doesn’t mean that he’s not excited about the wait being over.

“Travis is counting down the days, it’s turned into a little private joke between them.”

Joke or not, it seems that it’s no longer private.

If you’re thinking that Travis Scott is being selfish and just thinking with his … desires … apparently, Kylie is looking forward to rekindling their intimate life as well.

“Kylie’s definitely got her groove back too.”

Kylie’s baby bump is gone, and she showed off a photo of her flat tummy to prove it.

Pretty impressive after only one month.

“She’s feeling incredibly sexy again and she’s really flaunting it.”

Part of that is just maintaining her brand, of course.

But if Kylie’s ready to go at it again, then she and Travis are both in for a lot of fun … in another couple of weeks.

Despite rumors that Travis Scott is cheating — and by “rumors,” we mean claims made by Wendy Williams, the couple is reportedly in a very good place.

“Travis and Kylie are in a great place right now.”

That’s so wonderful to hear.

“He’s been spending most nights with her and Stormi.”

Awww! That is so sweet.

“They’re a very happy little family right now.”

And to think that there was a time when people weren’t sure if they’d stay together even as long as the pregnancy.

To be fair, though, Kylie got pregnant with Travis Scott’s baby … after they’d only been dating for a few weeks.

That is not, generally speaking, a recipe for a strong and healthy relationship.

Since this report speaks of Travis Scott being eager to bang his baby mama again, one might infer that he has a healthy sex drive.

A successful rapper in his twenties isn’t usually planning on becoming a monogamous parent so very suddenly.

But it looks like Travis has taken to this new situation like a duck to water.

He recently used his own Snapchat account (despite what Kylie tweeted, some folks still use Snapchat) to show off that he was helping Kylie with her makeup.

Though, if you’re looking for the inside scoop on what Kylie Cosmetics has in store, you might be disappointed.

Travis Scott Snapchat Makeup

Yeah, it’s in black and white. Which doesn’t give you a whole lot of information.

The point is, however, that just as Travis was there for Kylie at multiple doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds, he’s still a huge part of Kylie’s day-to-day life.

Obviously, he’s looking forward to once again being a big part of her night life.

That’s no surprise.

These are going to feel like a long two weeks for both of them.

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UFC’s ‘Let Me Bang, Bro’ Fighter Sentenced to 30 Days in Jail After DWI Arrest

‘The Ultimate Fighter’ vet who went viral for his “let me bang, bro” explosion on ‘TUF’ won’t be bangin’ for a bit … ‘cause he’s gotta spend 30 days in jail after being arrested for DWI. Julian Lane — a cast member on seasons 16 and 25 of the…

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Angelina Jolie & Justin Theroux: Planning An Epic Revenge Bang?!

As you’ve no doubt heard by now, Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have called it quits after two and a half years of marriage.

Based on accounts from those who knew the couple best, Justin broke up with Jen, and the decision was primarily the result of lifestyle differences.

(Justin loved Manhattan; Jen was a lifelong California girl; neither wanted to relocate permanently. Seems like the sort of thing they should’ve worked out before getting hitched, but we digress.)

Anyway, despite – or perhaps because of – the seemingly dull cause of the split, the rumor mill has been running wild with reports that Aniston is planning to get back together with Brad Pitt.

As far as we can tell, those claims are entirely baseless, and of course, the internet is deeply bummed about about it.

Maybe that’s why we’re suddenly hearing rumors about a different sort of rebound hookup:

It’s been almost two years since Pitt and Angelina Jolie broke up, and news about Angie’s love life has been scarce to non-existent,

There are those who think that’s because she was biding her time, Maleficent-style, waiting for a hookup that would devastate her rivals and cement her place as the queen badass of Hollywood.

Okay, maybe no one really thought that, but an anonymous source tells Hollywood Life that Angie has her eyes on Justin.

“Angelina is interested in working with Justin Theroux, she actually put feelers out before he and Jennifer’s split,” the source claims.

“Apparently she’s a big fan of The Leftovers. When Justin and Jennifer were together no one expected it to happen, but now that they’ve split the chances of him saying yes to Angelina are way up.”

Oh, man. The appropriateness of Angie scooping up Jen’s sloppy seconds because she loves The Leftovers is simply too much to bear.

Anyway, the source adds that the interest is mutual, and we may see Jolie and Theroux working together very soon:

“Justin’s a very ambitious guy and his star is on the rise,” says the insider.

“Doing a project with Angelina could really take him to the next level.”

Obviously, the situation is not without potential complications:

“Of course it would really hurt Jennifer, so that may be a deterrent for him, but it’s certainly going to be tempting for him,” the source adds.

Yeah, we suppose the possibility of having one’s genitals fed to a pack of starved hyenas would be a deterrent for anyone.

Nothing against Justin, but we’re hoping it happens just so Jen can drop a sick Bond villain line like, “There will be no … leftovers.”

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Andrew Garfield: I May Bang a Dude Someday!

When it comes to sexuality, Andrew Garfield is just so gosh darn woke.

No, the Academy Award winner isn’t gay.

In fact, he’s never been with a man or really been attracted to men or had any desire to insert his penis into anything that isn’t a vagina.

But Garfield wants the world to know that he’s open to other openings!

In July of last year, the actor stirred up a bit of a controversy when he said he was “a gay man… without the physical act.”

What made him a gay man, if he didn’t engaged in any gay sex?

He watches a lot of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Garfield explained to Out Magazine, while adding that he might have an “awakening” someday and explore another “part of the garden.

In other words: heck, he may bang a dude at some point.

Who can ever say for certain?!?

In the latest issue of Out, Garfield reiterates this somewhat strange stance.

First, he acknowledges to the publication that his previous quote was misunderstood.

“I think part of what I was trying to say was about inclusion, and about that openness to my impulses.”

But then he basically goes ahead and says the same thing again.

“Up until this point, I’ve only been sexually attracted to women,” Garfield tells the magazine, trying to explain in further detail:

“My stance toward life, though, is that I always try to surrender to the mystery of not being in charge. I think most people – we’re intrinsically trying to control our experience here, and manage it, and put walls around what we are and who we are.

Garfield proceeds to use the kind of icky “garden” metaphor as he continues to ramble:

“I want to know as much of the garden as possible before I pass – I have an openness to any impulses that may arise within me at any time.

“But, if I were to identify, I would identify as heterosexual, and being someone who identifies that way, and who’s taking on this seminal role, my scariest thought was, ‘Am I allowed to do this?'”

The role to which Garfield is referring is Prior Walter in Tony Kushner’s Angels in America, a production that featured the star as a young New York resident living with AIDS.

He appeared in this role last summer in London and will soon reprise the role on Broadway.

The play centers on homosexuality and AIDS and related issues and Garfield is very proud to be associated with it.

“To be a part of transmitting all that feels like the most meaningful thing I could do with my life right now,” he says.

“I’m in a privileged position, and I want to keep listening, and learning as much as I possibly can. I want to be a part of the world spinning forward as much as anyone else.”

This is an admirable point of view.

This is really all Garfield should have said on the subject.

It’s great to support the LGBT community and it’s great that he wants to feel like he understands all sides of sexuality.

But he doesn’t. That’s just a fact.

There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to women and still believing in inclusiveness, in equal rights. There’s everything right about it in fact.

Garfield doesn’t need to go so far out of his way to pretend he relates to the gay community by pretending he’s part of the gay community.

Or could see himself being part of it someday.

That’s just an odd thing to say and it takes away from his overall point, leading to headlines such as the one above.

Don’t try so hard, Andy. We all know you’re one of the good ones already.

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Chris Lopez Attacks Kailyn Lowry on Twitter: Maybe I’ll Bang Briana DeJesus!

Kailyn Lowry just can’t seem to escape the drama these days.

Between her ongoing feud with Briana DeJesus, her complicated situation with Javi Marroquin, and her issues with her other baby daddies, the girl basically spends her days dealing with one mess after another.

And now it seems her various conflicts are overlapping, with one foe using another’s name to taunt Kailyn on social media.

As you may have heard, Kail is having problems with the father of her youngest son.

Chris Lopez is fighting her for custody of baby Lux, and it appears that the battle is getting uglier by the day.

Fortunately for Kailyn, Chris has been shooting himself in the foot by going after her on social media.

He’s already got a hard road ahead of him as a sketchy dad who initially wanted nothing to do with his son.

Now, he’s making himself look even worse in the eyes of any family court judge by savagely attacking Lux’s mom on Twitter.

According to In Touch Weekly, in a since-deleted tweet, Lopez wrote that he planned to “hit up” Briana DeJesus in order to get revenge on Kail.

As we mentioned earlier, Kailyn and Briana are bitter rivals, and their hostility toward one another was already exacerbated when Briana dated Javi Marroquin, Kailyn’s ex-husband and the father of her second son.

Some of his followers joined in on denigrating Kail in brutal fashion.

“Don’t even give that b-tch a life,” wrote one.

Not surprisingly, Kail’s legion of faithful fans quickly jumped to her defense.

“She gave him life lol,” wrote one, adding:

“You think this non-factor got 13k followers by himself? 13k and 99.9% of the time he gets no likes or responses. If you were able to add and weren’t blind you possibly [could] put 2+2 together.”

Lopez was quick to respond:

“These 13k followers don’t mean a thing tho lol I honestly liked it better when y’all didn’t know who I was,” he shot back.

Another follower was quick to suggest that Lopez make better use of his time:

“Instead of trying to hit Bri up to piss Kail off, go work and get yourself a lawyer to see you child,” he tweeted.

Lopez responded to that tweet as well, writing:

“It was a joke lol I don’t want that girl relax DUDEEE,” apparently in reference to Briana.

In all likelihood, Lopez was just joking about dating Briana.

But it’s simply not a good look to throw shade at a single mom who recently tweeted about struggling with body shaming and other negative aspects of life in the public eye.

If Lopez is serious about wanting to be a bigger part of his son’s life, he should probably put down the phone ASAP.

Watch Teen Mom 2 online for more on the drama-packed life of Kailyn Lowry.

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