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Bill Cosby is in prison at last. But he doesn’t intend to stay that way.
While Cosby furious compares #MeToo literal terrorists, he has saved some of that anger for his attorneys.
He’s reportedly fired one of his lawyers
RadarOnline reports that Bill Cosby has fired attorney Joseph Green from his legal team.
Green was the lawyer who represented him during the sentencing process.
Cosby is said to have made this decision while “in a fit of rage.”
“He’s had it,” an insider tells the tabloid about why Cosby chose dismissal.
The disgraced former comedian apparently believes that he can find other, more capable attorneys end his incarceration.
Court documents suggest that Cosby has hired two new lawyers out of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania to assist with his appeals.
Cosby is said to have referred to his own legally blind status when using a common turn of phrase.
“Mr. Cosby said he can’t have the ‘blind leading the blind,’” the source reports.
“And” as a result, the source says, he “told Mr. Green to take a hike over the phone.”
So what brought on this termination? Apparently, Cosby wasn’t satisfied with Green’s work ethic.
The source explains that Cosby gave Green the boot “when he found out he wasn’t working around the clock to get him out.”
“Mr. Cosby told his legal team that the Pennsylvania groundhog could’ve done a better job,” the insider says.
Cosby, whose net worth has been estimated to be in the hundreds of millions, is hoping that his fortune can provide an incentive for other attorneys.
“He’s offering $ 250,000.00, cash,” the source claims.
This alleged offer is available “to anyone who guarantees his freedom and follows through.”
To be clear, we don’t think that Cosby means a literal jailbreak. He wants to walk out a free man, not a fugitive.
In April, Cosby was found guilty of three counts of aggravated indecent.
This was in the case of the drugging and sexual assault of Andrea Constand.
In September, he was sentenced to 3-to-10 years in prison.
It seems unfortunately likely that Constand is the only one of Cosby’s accusers who will get justice in court.
Some may find a measure of consolation in the knowledge that Cosby may live the rest of his life behind bars.
Cosby has apparently been complaining that this is all a miscarriage of justice.
In fact, he is reportedly pushing to have his conviction and sentence thrown out.
And he wants the judge out, too. This sounds like a standard appeal to our admittedly not-legal-expert ears.
Camille Cosby, who has stood by him through all of this, is said to be approaching things from a different angle.
She apparently wants the judge investigated for “misconduct.”
Which is very vague and unlikely to go the way that she wants.
Even if Bill Cosby finds the most shrewd up-and-coming attorney who manages to find loopholes within loopholes and get him out … it’ll take a while.
The wheels of justice are slow. Andrea Constand waited 14 years for this conviction.
Appeals can take years. Just look at Cosby’s fellow disgraced public figure, Jared Fogle. That guy is still filing appeals from behind bars.
For now, Cosby might want to get comfortable in prison and just do his best to avoid getting slapped by airborne chicken patties.
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Bill Cosby is two weeks into his three-to-ten year sentence and has started to really get a look at his life behind bars.
His larger-than-life personality is reportedly not meshing well with his fellow inmates.
A new report says that one prisoner got so fed up with him that he chucked the chicken patty from his sandwich at him, striking Cosby in the face.
RadarOnline reports that Cosby was on the receiving end of a projectile patty of the chicken variety.
“Mr. Cosby cracked a joke to another inmate by the infirmary,” their insider reports.
The source continues: “and that inmate was mad enough to take his chicken out of the bun and plunge it at him.”
The report notes that prison food isn’t exactly served in a buffet, so there must have been a great deal of ire behind the move.
“The way I see it,” the insider says. “You have to be very angry to throw your meal in jail because I don’t think you get seconds.”
We would imagine not.
(Disclaimer: these chicken patties are probably a lot nicer than the institutional chicken disk that allegedly struck the disgraced comedian)
The alleged incident comes on the heels of a report that said that Cosby was enjoying the chicken patty.
“Mr. Cosby told us last week that the chicken patty was the best meal he had so far at SCI Phoenix … so that says a lot,” the source notes.
We already mentioned a report that Cosby has earned a nickname and some undeserved respect from fellow inmates.
“They’re calling him the ‘OG,'” the insider claimed. “Lingo for ‘original gangster.”
Clearly, that respect was not universal.
There was another report that said that Cosby tried pudding in prison, and that it was apparently not to his liking.
“He told us on the phone over the weekend ‘I was promoting THIS garbage?!’” The source claimed. “It tastes like something you give a lizard!”
Cosby was famous in the ’90s as the face of jello and pudding advertisements.
“We were caught by surprise,” the insider stated. “We never asked him: ‘Hey, Mr. Cosby, have you ever tried pudding or Jell-O?’”
“I never saw him and I don’t think anybody else ever saw him eating pudding or Jell-O,” the source admitted.
The insider concluded: “but I was pretty damn shocked when he told us he tried it and it wasn’t what he expected.”
Of course, a conflicting report casts into doubt everything that we’ve heard.
TMZ spoke to someone at the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections.
“This did NOT happen,” their insider said forcefully of the chicken patty incident.
“And,” the source continued. “I am unhappy with anyone who is reporting such fake news.”
What’s more is that Cosby has allegedly had no contact whatsoever with fellow inmates while he is evaluated by prison staff.
Cosby is two weeks in and, no matter whose report you believe, it seems safe to say that he’s no longer living his best life.
He wants out of prison — and we’re not referring to the goofy claim that Cosby is planning an elaborate prison break.
No, we mean that his legal team is fighting in court.
They are appealing, trying to throw out his sentence, his conviction, and even the judge. We wouldn’t hold our breath.
His wife, Camille Cosby, is said to be demanding that the judge be investigated. It would be a surprise if her efforts bear fruit.
Cosby has been sentenced to prison, and he may even spend the rest of his life behind bars.
But his conviction for the drugging and sexual assault of Andrea Constand is just a drop in the bucket considering that 60 women came forward to accuse him of similar crimes.
Though some of these survivors may feel vindicated that he is behind bars, very few if any of them will also get their day in court.
Some waited “too long” to report for the legal system to accept. Others are unable to corroborate.
Many feel that Cosby’s incarceration is a victory — but a hollow one.
Perhaps the story, true or not, of the chicken patty incident will bring a smile to a few faces. That’s worth something, at least.
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But a new report claims this evaluation doesn’t merely apply to how Cosby feels about Camille as a partner in the bedroom.
It also applies to how Cosby feels about Camille as a partner in crime.
Indeed, just days after we heard Cosby was begging his wife to do everything in her power to free him from prison, a source now tells Radar Online that the disgraced comedian has moved on.
He’s found someone else to take over this role.
And that someone else has an amazing nickname.
About a week after Cosby was sentenced to at least three years in jail for drugging and assaulting a woman named Andrea Constand in 2004, the terrible human being has gone ahead and hired someone called the “Googler,” Radar writes.
Explains the website, in apparent seriousness:
Though the man was introduced a a “personal security guard” to Cosby’s team during the court battle, the disgraced comic’s entourage soon discovered his role was much bigger – and the “Googler” now lives on the star’s Pennsylvania estate, where he plots his release!
Cosby was found guilty in April by a jury of his peers and then a judge decided upon his punishment.
Short of a map of tattoos across his body that illustrates the best escape route from jail, how can Cosby be plotting any kind of release?
Per this article, the 81-year old “literally pays one man to sit on Google all day long in the guesthouse, in complete darkness, to Google and research successful methods other prisoners used in the past.”
(Editor’s note: Why is this individual sitting in complete darkness? Is it illegal for him to search the Internet or something?)
“The man is literally a Googler from New York … that’s what we call him,” the insider tells Radar, adding:
“We don’t know what he does, who he knows, what his past is like or even his real name. All we know is that he’s here to stay.”
Cosby has allegedly hired two doctors and a prison expert to assist with this goal, which is just a little weird.
We’re pretty sure it’s the job of any decent lawyer to file appeals for his client and/or find these precise sort of legal loopholes to reduce sentences or get verdicts thrown out entirely.
“During a phone call with Mr. Cosby, the ‘Googler’ told him he found case law that allows him to stay housed in the infirmary throughout his sentence to avoid being placed in general population,” the source says.
“He found a number of cases in Pennsylvania where people at Mr. Cosby’s age died due to lack of healthcare and medical attention – this prison doesn’t want to be the prison doesn’t want to go down in history as the prison Bill Cosby died in.”
The disgraced star ideally wants to be moved back to his residence and to serve his time under house arrest.
He figures this will keep him safe and happy, two emotions not shared by any of the 60 women he reportedly drugged and then raped over the years.
“He believes he’ll be home in no time,” the Radar source concludes. “He thinks the court won the battle, but he will win the war.”
He’s an awful, awful person.
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