Meghan Markle’s Sister: Is She Trying to Cash In On the Royal Romance?!

These days, when one hears Meghan Markle’s name mentioned in the press, it’s usually alongside some breathless exclamation about how “the whole world is in love” with Prince Harry’s bride-to-be.

Unfortunately for Meg, there’s at least one iconoclastic holdout who refuses to share the opinion of Harry and the other 7 billion or so inhabitants of Earth who think Ms. Markle is just the bee’s knees.

Long before Harry and Meghan’s engagement was announced, Samantha Markle began throwing shade at her half-sister’s relationship like it was her job.

And in a way, we suppose it is.

Meghan’s shady sister has made a career out of tearing the actress down in interviews, and she’s soon to publish a memoir with the hilariously un-subtle title of The Diary of Princess Pushy’s Sister.

Among other wildly salacious claims, Samantha writes in the book that Meghan severed their relationship because Samantha’s physical disability clashed with her posh lifestyle.

Obviously, if that were true, it would forever change the way we look at Meghan.

But it’s clearly not, so no need to worry.

These days, Samantha is on a non-stop press tour, attempting to extend her fame into 16th-minute territory in the final months before Meghan and Harry’s wedding.

Unfortunately for her, most of her media appearances are painfully awkward affairs that basically consist of the interviewer going, “But seriously, WTF is your problem?”

Accused of cashing in on her sister’s fame during a recent appearance on the UK’s Channel 5, Samantha had this to say in her defense:

“I think the term ‘cash in’ is a low blow. I think any of us who have experiences and feelings, positive, warm, insightful or otherwise and we are able to share them apparently—I wouldn’t say that it’s we’re cashing in because there’s certainly a large audience and market of people who are interested and curious.

“So why not share information that is socially and historically valuable? I feel like it’s kind of a service to do that.”

Oh, so she’s performing a service by publicly portraying the sister she’s had no contact with in the past decade as the worst kind of monster. Got it.

As for that horrendous title, Samantha says the whole world has it all wrong:

“People have taken the title so literally, and I think that’s funny,” she said.

“I chose the title because I was more making a mockery of tabloids who, at one point, called my sister Princess Pushy. The opposite is true. And so I thought, you know, to make fun of that and illustrate that she really is not, I’m going to choose that title and run with it.”

Ah, yes. Foolish tabloids. Why would they think a book that insults its subject in the freaking title is some sort of hit piece?!

Clearly, Samantha is a completely well-adjusted grownup who simply wants to celebrate her sister’s engagement in the traditional fashion–by publicly denigrating her in exchange for money.

So stop judging her! You people are acting just like Princess Pushy!


Brad Pitt Drops Insane Amount of Cash Just to Hang Out With Emilia Clarke

At one point or another, we’ve all daydreamed about what we would do if we had a virtually unlimited supply of time and money.

Perhaps you’d like to sail around the world on a yacht that’s twice the size of your first apartment, or eat manatee burgers on Richard Branson’s private island.

There are many ways to blow staggering amounts of cash in frivolous and obnoxious ways, and as far as we can tell, that’s the best reason to amass staggering amounts of cash.

Of course, saying you want to pull a Magellan or feast on some ground endangered species is that tres noveau riche sh-t that’ll get you called out in a second.

The folks who have been annoyingly well-heeled for most of their lives have moved beyond such pedestrian fantasies and are now only excited by displays of wealth that work-a-day schmucks like you and I would never even dream of.

Take for example, the latest expenditure by Mr. Brad Pitt, who began life by winning the genetic lottery, and then rode that wave all the way to unimaginable financial success.

At 54, Brad’s been rich and famous for nearly three decades, which means those nighly illuminati orgies are just a tedious chore to him at this point.

This is a guy who’s done it all, which means he needs something truly wondrous to get his motor running.

You can only drive so many luxury cars and observe so many alien autopsies before you begin to crave the purest and most universal pleasure known to man.

We’re talking, of course, about enjoying the company of the Mother of Dragons herself, Emilia Clarke.

Proving once again that he’s living the very best of lives, Pitt recently spent bid $ 120,000 for a chance to spend an evening watching Game of Thrones with Emilia.

Obviously, Clarke is gorgeous, but it seems Pitt ponied up the dough simply out of sheer GoT fanboy geekiness.

Clarke auctioned off her time as part of a benefit for the Haiti organized by Sean Penn.

Sadly, like the Red Wedding, this tale has a tragic ending.

It seems Brad’s colossal bid was insufficient, and someone who we’re gonna assume was George R.R. Martin dropped an astonishing $ 160,000 for an hour of Emilia’s time.

That may seem ludicrous, but the way our cable bills have been looking lately, we’ll all be dropping six figures to watch HBO before the year is out, amirite?!

Yes, that was an incredibly lame joke, but if we told it you while we were clinking glasses of $ 800 champagne aboard our private space shuttle, you’d be in hysterics right now.

Maybe money can’t always buy you a night with the Khaleesi, but it can always buy you fake friends.


Derick Dillard: Begging Fans For Cash After Being Fired By TLC?!

Over the weekend, fans of the Duggar family were shocked to learn that Jill Duggar’s husband, Derick Dillard had been fired by the TLC network.

The move came in response to Dillard’s continued harassment of Jazz Jennings, a transgender teen who is also the star of a TLC reality show.

Dillard voiced his objections to Jennings lifestyle in a series of transphobic rants that frequently crossed the line into bullying and harassment.

“What an oxymoron… a ‘reality’ show which follows a non-reality. ‘Transgender’ is a myth. Gender is not fluid; it’s ordained by God,” Dillard tweeted back in August.

Dillard persisted in his attacks on Jennings even after being criticized by numerous public figures and former fans of the Duggars.

Bizarrely, despite no apparent provocation, Dillard picked up where he left off last week, once again haranguing the 17-year-old despite pleas for civility from fans and critics alike:

“Jazz is being taken advantage of, as part of a larger agenda,” Derick argued in his unprompted tirade.

“I hate seeing him used this way,” Derick continued, intentionally misgendering the teen.

The fixation may seem entirely inexplicable to casual fans of the Duggars, but those who have watched the family closely these past few years are aware of an ugly truth:

Derick has ambitions of rising above his status as one of the many Duggar in-laws, and it seems he’s decided to make a name for himself as an arch-conservative firebrand by beating up on Jazz.

Of course, his plan backfired in spectacular fashion, and now Derick finds himself on the offensive.

He took to Instagram today to practice two skills that will likely serve him well in his future career as a highly opinionated nobody–he offered a lame-brained defense of his earlier foolishness, and he begged for money from his social media followers.

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies,” Derick wrote.

“The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise conviction to be compassionate.”

Yes, a grown man who was recently fired for bullying a teenage girl is now lecturing you on compassion.

Welcome to 2017.

From there, Derick did what he does best and groveled for cash.

Dillard has a history of begging for money online, but these days, he’s clearly more desperate than ever.

“BIG NEWS,” he latest hilariously began. “I am currently serving through a program at my home church, called the Cross Church School of Ministry!

“I am so excited about this incredible opportunity for further ministry development, and I would like to invite you to share in this excitement with me.”

He added

“I started a fundraiser on gofundme to raise the funding I need for various missions opportunities I will have throughout the year. I have a donations goal of $ 10,000.

“This will enable me to fulfill my specific calling to ministry this year, including trips for Gospel-advancement and humanitarian work in Northwest Arkansas, North America, and abroad.”

In the past, Derick has been kicked off all of the the fundraising sites that hosted his cash-grabs, and that’s probably the fate that awaits him here.

Whatever the case, his pleas appear to be falling on deaf ears.

His fundraising efforts appear to have stalled out at  $ 2,714.

If this keeps up Derick will have to face the one thing he hates more than beloved teenage television stars–full-time employment.

Watch Counting On online to relive D-Dill’s brief time in the spotlight.


Danielle Mullins: Suing Mohamed Jbali! He Didn’t Give Her Sex, So She Wants His Cash!

Of all of the innumerable 90 Day Fiance couples, the bitterest have to be Danielle Mullins and Mohamed Jbali.

There are a number of toxic relationships on that series, just like there are everywhere in life. But not everyone seeks to ruin their ex’s life.

Danielle, who still hasn’t been successful in getting Mohamed deported, seems to have switched tactics: she’s attempting to sue him.

Danielle and Mohamed split ages ago and filed for divorce, so you’d think that they’d be eager to move on with their lives.

Apparently not, though.

Danielle Mullins seems less interested in moving on and more interested in making sure that Mohamed cannot.

During their brief marriage, Danielle accused Mohamed of cheating on her. She also demanded that he have sex with her, because he was her husband.

For his part, Mohamed accused Danielle of some financial wrongdoings, of hiding her criminal background, and of having a foul body odor.

There’s clearly no love lost between the two, but Danielle isn’t just bitter — she seems to want revenge.

First, she’s been trying to get Mohamed deported.

They went through the K-1 visa process, so she’s not having an easy time just undoing that legal process.

She tried seeking an annulment, but was advised by her attorney that, since she and Mohamed had consummated their marriage, they’d need to just do a divorce.

The difference, of course, is that an annulment would have had different implications for Mohamed’s green card status.

Now, though, Danielle has switched tactics — because she’s suing Mohamed Jbali.

Starcasm obtained court documents that show that Danielle Mullins has filed suit against Mohamed Jbali to the tune of $ 12,500.

Danielle has lamented having spent money to fly Mohamed to the States.

Unlike a few 90 Day Fiance stars, she’s by no means a wealthy woman.

Of course, in order to actually try to sue Mohamed, she won’t just need to prove that he owes her money (a tricky thing, since he’s accused her of misusing his identity and finances).

She’ll also need for him to actually receive the summons.

Despite being active again on social media, Mohamed Jbali has reportedly still not actually received the summons in the weeks since Danielle filed suit.

In the past, he’s proven that he’s skilled at avoiding court documents and the people who deliver them. So … this should be interesting.

Mohamed isn’t exactly a wealthy man either.

However, we should note that he recently passed on a job opportunity that could have earned him $ 10,000 in one day.

It wasn’t a television appearance.

Mohamed Jbali expressed his frustration and disappointment that a porn company offered him the gig.

“Oh. My. God. So, you guys watched me on TV before, right? And you always see my posts here on my Instagram. Is there anything saying that I would be in an adult movie?”

It was an offer. His response was supposed to give them their answer.

“How stupid people are these days! How! A professional company — a professional, I mean, a production company, they send me a professional email offering me to fly to LA. Everything is paid, and they are willing to pay me a ten thousand dollars for one day of filming for an adult movie.”

That’s a good deal. A lot of top-notch professional porn stars can make a couple of thousand dollars in a day. And, again, they’re professionals.

Mohamed Jbali is a reality star, though. That counts for something.

“Like, how stupid is the person who thought about that? Before you offer something, you need to make sure that you’re offering to the right person. Crazy people! That’s all I can say.”

That’s not usually how offers work.

You offer someone something because they’d be a good fit, and then it’s up to them to respond.

Disappointingly, it looks like Mohamed might be one of those people who views sex work as shameful.

If it were just a personal preference, he could have just said “no.” Instead, he comes across as disgusted.

Like we said, it’s disappointing.

And we wonder if he’ll be singing a different tune if Danielle wins her lawsuit against him.