Every Woman on the Internet Wants to Bang These Cops

Hurricane Irma touched down in Florida last week, causing millions of residents to flee the area amidst torrential rain and record winds.

But Hurricane Irma also caused millions of female Internet users to touch themselves because the Gainesville Police Department shared a photo of three officers who were heading to various parts of the state to assist victims.

And the officers were hotter than average Sunshine State temperatures this time of year!

"Officers Nordman, Hamill and Rengering…part of the night crew getting ready to do some work,” reads the caption of the picture below, which was all certain people needed to respond.

With extreme enthusiasm!

1. Here They Are

Here they are
They’re men in blue. But they might as well be in red (for hotness!).

2. Cuff Me! Frisk Me!

Do whatever you want to me!

3. Grandma is Always Right

Grandma is always right
Or at least she was in this instance.

4. We Have a Winner!

We have a winner
An X-rated winner, that is!

5. Look Out!

Look out
Cougars are clearly on the prowl.

6. Was I Speeding, Officer?!?

Was i speeding officer
What can be my punishment?!?!?!?!?!?!?

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Samuel L. Jackson Tells Autograph Seekers, ‘I Ain’t Signing Every F***ing Thing!’

Samuel L. Jackson is always gonna be Samuel L., which means even when he’s nicely signing a ton of autographs … he’s gonna drop an f-bomb or 2, and then he’s gonna drop some knowledge. We got Sam Sunday at LAX, where he was taking some time…


Woman Live Tweets Every Airline Passenger’s Worst Nightmare

When Jessie Char arrived at her seat on a recent JetBlue flight, she witnessed the most glorious sight any airline passenger could ever hope to see:

An empty middle seat and an empty window seat.

The surprise was so beautiful that Char had to Tweet about it, right then and there:

empty seats

On her flight home Long Beach to San Francisco, the 30-year old would get to relax with no concern over anyone’s elbows or any fellow passenger forcing her up to use the bathroom.

It’s what we all dream of when board a flight, right?

But then Char’s fantasy turned into a nightmare.

Prepared to maybe even lie across all three seats and squeeze in a nap, Char wrote a mysterious Tweet.

“You guys will never guess what happened next,” she teased to followers.

char tweet

“I noticed one of the armrests collapse and so I looked over only to see a foot emerge from the row behind me,” Char explained to People Magazine, adding in horror:

“It was writhing around on one armrest and there was a significant amount of toe wiggling.”

No. Oh God… no.

This didn’t really happen, did it?

Yes, it did:

flying nightmare

Char says she crouched down into her seat “to remain undetected.” She couldn’t help but snap a photo of the bare feet that will forever haunt her sleep.

And then things got even worse!

“While I was logging onto the airplane Wi-Fi, I saw the left foot stretch over to open the window, and then close it again,” she told The Today Show, which also picked this story up.

“I looked to the front and back for the nearest flight attendant and caught someone’s eye, but by the time she reached me the feet discreetly retracted back into the abyss of row 6.”

gross feet

Why didn’t Char say something to this individual?

“I was in literal shock,” she told People. “I think I needed another human with me in the moment to reassure me I wasn’t just seeing things.”

Char’s tweet of the feet has been Liked on Twitter over 26,000 times and received over 5,000 retweets.

flight advice

Will she ever fly again? Yes, of course, don’t be silly.

But she does have some advice for anyone who encounters a similar situation.

“I tried not to breathe super heavily while [the bare feet] were present,” she said.

She’s a better person than we are, that’s for sure.

Forget breathing heavy. We’d have drank heavily and then “accidentally” spilled our beverage on the inappropriate appendages extended across the seats next to us. 

When she got up upon landing, Char said she spotted the woman who committed this traveling sin.

She’s in her mid 40s, Char estimates, and is approximately 5’3″.

So beware if you see someone who looks like this on your next flight! Prepare to take action!


Kim Zolciak Posts Bikini Pics From Every Angle, Fans Shrug

If you follow her on Instagram, you know that Kim Zolciak bikini selfies are a frequent occurrence.

She doesn’t rock swimwear in front of the mirror every single day, but it’s rare that a full week goes by without Kim flaunting her curves on social media.’

And we say go for it!

After all, Kim’s 39 years old, she’s given birth to six kids, and she has every right to be proud of the shape that she’s in.

Of course, bikini selfies tend to be a product of diminishing returns.

The same pose that racked up the likes and complimentary comments a few years ago might be greeted with a universal “meh” these days.

And in Kim’s case, she’s even received some harsh criticism for her pics that had less to do with her body (which is unassailably on-point) and more to do with the timing of her photos.

Most recently, Kim posted a bikini pic while her son recovered from a dog attack that left him hospitalized.

Prior to that, fans expressed misgivings about the idea of Zolciak posting “competing” bikini pics with her daughter, 20-year-old Brielle Biermann.

But clearly, Kim subscribes to the “bad press is better than no press” philosophy.

She’s ramped up her bikini pic game in recent weeks, and we’re guessing it has less to do with summer being upon us than other factors.

Most notably, the simple fact that her latest swimwear selfies sparked the kind of uproar that’s music to her ears.

Kim’s found a way to combine sex with recreational outrage, which are the two forces that make the Internet go ‘round.

Unfortunately, it seems that even that formula is no guarantor of continued popularity on the ‘Gram.

Kim’s likes across all social media platforms appear to be on the decline.

(We keep track of this sort of thing so that you don’t have to.)

And it seems like she doesn’t have too many tricks up her none-existent sleeves.

Zolciak renewed her wedding vows recently, and while the pics resulted in a slight uptick in engagement, it’s not like she can renew her vows once a week.

There are limits to even the most extreme thirst.

Looks like it may be time for Kim to pull a Kris Jenner and focus on her exploiting her selfie-obsessed daughter … 


Jimmy Fallon Addresses Alcoholism Rumors: I’m Not Drunk Every Night!

For years now, rumors about Jimmy Fallon’s alleged drinking problem have been circulating online and in the tabloid media.

The speculation was spurred by numerous witnesses who gave accounts of Fallon frequently getting “very drunk” at NYC bars after completing filming on The Tonight Show.

There were even reports that Fallon’s bosses at NBC were concerned about his hard-partying ways.

Now, Fallon is finally speaking out about the controversies that have plagued his squeaky-clean nice guy image in a candid interview with The New York Times.

While Fallon’s comments about tousling Donald Trump’s hair in a much-derided pre-election interview have attracted the most attention on social media, the 42-year-old comic also made some surprising revelations about his fondness for the sauce.

Asked about a New York Post piece that described him as “out of control” and attributed Fallon’s recent injuries to drunken accidents, the host shrugged off the accusations – but tellingly did not deny that he’s a heavy drinker.

“I could never do a day-to-day job if I was drinking every night,” Fallon insisted.

He went on to claim that the rumors about his drinking are part of an effort to further demoralize him during his current career slump.

“That’s just kicking you when you’re down,” he told the newspaper.

After years of late night dominance, Fallon’s show has now fallen to second place in the ratings behind the much more politically-charged Late Night with Stephen Colbert.

Industry analysts believe Fallon’s young, mostly left-leaning audience felt alienated by his controversial Trump interview, but the amiable SNL alum says his intentions have been misinterpreted:

“I didn’t do it to humanize him,” Fallon said.

“I almost did it to minimize him. I didn’t think that would be a compliment: ‘He did the thing that we all wanted to do.’”

He added that becoming a frequent butt of jokes on social media has taken an unexpected emotional toll:

“I’m a people pleaser,” he continued.

“If there’s one bad thing on Twitter about me, it will make me upset. So, after this happened, I was devastated. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just trying to have fun.”

As for the rumors of a feud between Fallon and Colbert, Jimmy insists that the hosts remain close friends and claims he’s never been one to worry about the ratings.

“We’re winning in something. People in the height requirement between 5-7 and 5-11, we’re No. 1, from 11:50 to 11:55,” he joked.

“I never, ever care. I’ll know when someone fires me.”


Adrien Broner Talks Shooting, ‘Every Killer Wants a Celebrity On Their List’ (VIDEO)

Boxing superstar Adrien Broner is finally talking about the shooting in Ohio last week … telling TMZ Sports he believes he was targeted because, “every killer wants a celebrity on their list.” As we previously reported, Broner was arrested in…


Spiders Could Eat Every Human on Earth, Scientists Confirm

We hope you’re sitting down for the following report.

Actually: We hope you’re sitting down for the following report AND you’ve checked to make sure no spiders are nearby prior to popping your squat.

Because these irritating animals just got a whole lot scarier…

a spider

First, a recent entomological survey of North Carolina houses turned up spiders in 100 percent of them. Yes, 100 percent. That is every… single… home.

The same survey found that 68 percent of bathrooms and more than three-quarters of bedrooms were at least somewhat infested with these creatures.

Okay, fine. Whatever, you may be thinking.

Spiders are annoying, but it’s not as though they inflict any real damage… right?

Tell that to European biologists Martin Nyffeler and Klaus Birkhofer.

These scientists just published an estimate in the journal the Science of Nature that says the world’s spiders consume somewhere between 400 million and 800 million tons of prey in any given year.

That sounds like a lot.

But we’re guessing you don’t fully comprehend just how much that actually is.

These figures mean that spiders eat as much meat over a 12-month period as all seven billion humans on the planet combined, who, the authors note, consume a mere 400 million tons of meat and fish per year.

another spider

Kind of gross, perhaps you’re not saying to yourself.

But still. How does this really affect me?


The total biomass of all adult human being on the planet is estimated to be 287 million tons.

Tack on another 75-100 tons for all the kids running around and it’s still not equal to the total amount of food eaten by spiders in a given year.

In other words, just to break it down and be as clear as possible:

Spiders could eat all of us – every last one of us – and still be hungry. Heck, we’d serve as mere appetizers to these animals before they moved on to their real meal.

a third spider

Nyffler and Birkhofer studied how many spiders reside in a square meter of land for all the main habitat types on Earth and then considered average amount of food consumed by spiders of different sizes in a given year.

They reached the disgusting and frightening conclusions above as a result, along with the following:

  • The global average spider density stands at about 131 spiders per square meter.
  • Deserts and tundra are among the habitats home to the fewest number of spiders.
  • In more “favorable” conditions, Nyffler and Birkhofer says you can find over 1,000 spiders per square meter.
  • All the spiders in the world combine to weigh over 25 million tons.
  • Spiders consume approximately 10 percent of their body weight in food per day.

Is that a lot?

It would be equivalent to a 200-pound man eating 20 pounds of meat. Everyday.

Of course, it’s important to keep in mind that spiders primarily feast on bugs, meaning their impressive hunger leads to fewer pests in the garden, fewer mosquitoes in the yard and fewer flies in the house.

They don’t actually crave human flesh.