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Farrah Abraham Fails at Parenting, Embarrasses Herself, Is the Worst

Sometimes, there are truly no words for how utterly ridiculous Farrah Abraham is.

It's just too much.

But even in times like these, we have to soldier on — we have to try to wrap our heads around just how remarkably dumb she is.

Why?

Because it's entertaining, it's funny in its own twisted way, and everybody knows you can't look away from a train wreck.

And if Farrah Abraham isn't a train wreck, then who even knows what is?

1. Poor Sophia

Farrah and sophia kisses
Believe it or not, Farrah has been solely responsible for her daughter, Sophia, for over nine years now. And somehow, she’s managed to keep the kid alive.

2. Well …

Farrah and sophia in fiji
She has had several missteps, and there have been things that could have gone very, very wrong for poor Sophia.

3. Parenting!

Farrah abraham crying
Remember when Sophia was a baby and Farrah left her on her very tall bed to go do something in another room, and little Soph tumbled to the ground?

4. Also …

Farrah abrahams red hair
Or what about the time that she left baby Sophia in the sink during a bath, and Sophia turned on the hot water and burned herself?

5. Don’t Forget!

Farrah and sophia with flowers
Then there was that other time that she left her at the top of the stairs, and it’s a miracle nothing happened then.

6. Farrah, Farrah, Farrah …

Farrah abraham kim kardashian photo
Of course, although those were times when Sophia really could have been injured, there are many, many more examples of Farrah putting her emotional wellbeing in danger.

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Madonna Tries, Mostly Fails to Defend Aretha Franklin Tribute at the VMAs

The Material Girl went ahead on Monday night and earned herself a new nickname:

The Narcissistic, Disrespectful, Rambling Woman Who Managed to Screw Up a Tribute to Arguably the Greatest Singer of All-Time.

It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but it does sum up what transpired yesterday evening at the 2018 MTV Video Music Awards.

Prior to presenting the award for Video of the Year (which went to Camila Cabello), the 60-year old singer was asked to talk about Aretha Franklin, who died last Thursday at the age of 73.

But instead of saying nice things about this iconic artist, Madonna told a rambling story about, well… herself.

You see, a long time ago, Madonna was struggling to make it as a dancer, so she went to a musical theater audition with a group of French producers.

“Why not?” she thought at the time, telling this long story on stage in front of a consued crowd and adding:

“The worst that can happen is I can go back to getting robbed, held at gunpoint, and being mistaken for a prostitute in my third-floor walk-up that was also a crack house.”

Okay, sure. Yeah. Tell us more, Madge…

It turned out that Madonna nailed the dance portion of the audition yet she panicked when those in charge asked her to produce sheet music and sing.

She wasn’t prepared for such a request!

“I had to think fast. My next meal was on the line,” she said, finally bringing this winding tale back to the late subject at suppose hand:

“Fortunately, one of my favorite albums was Lady Soul by Aretha Franklin. I blurted out, ‘You Make Me Feel!’ Silent. ‘You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman!’”

So… Madonna sang this famous song, the producers loved it, but she actually didn’t get the gig.

She did get a job in Paris as a result of the audition, though, and… SIGH.

You really need to just watch clips from this convoluted, self-serving speech below:

How did an Aretha Franklin tribute end up being a story all about Madonna’s early years as an entertainer?

Simple, Madonna explained in a follow-up Instagram post: This was never supposed to be a tribute!

“I was asked to present video of the year by MTV! And then they asked me to share any anecdotes I had in my career connected to Aretha Franklin!” wrote Madonna as a caption to a photo (below) of her and Cabello.

Continued Madonna in her own defense:

“I shared a part of my journey and thanked Aretha for inspiring me along the way. I did not intend to do a tribute to her!

“That would be impossible in 2 minutes with all the noise and tinsel of an award show. I could never do her justice in this context or environment.”

madonna on insta

Madonna did conclude her speech at the VMAs by stating:

None of this would have happened, could have happened without our Lady of Soul. She led me to where I am today.

And I know she influenced so many people in this house tonight. I want to thank you, Aretha, for empowering all of us. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Not very apologetic in her Instagram post, Madonna slammed her critics and reiterated her affection for Franklin, closing her statement as follows:

“Unfortunately most people have short attention spans, and are so quick to judge. I love Aretha! R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

“I Love Camilla! Congrats! I LOVE my dress! AND. I love-L O V E!! and there is nothing anyone can say or do that will change that.”

Well… okay then!

We guess that settles that.

Madonna loves Aretha. And Cabello. And her own fashion taste. And love in general.

And, let’s not forget what Madonna also loves most of all, even in the wake of maybe the most influential artist in history passing away.

HERSELF.

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Farrah Abraham BUSTED In Hilarious Photoshop Fails!

It's been seven months since Farrah Abraham was fired from Teen Mom OG, but she's still finding new and creative ways to embarrass herself in public on a regular basis.

In June, Farrah was arrested after allegedly attacking a staff member at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

And July is already off to a very promising start thanks to some truly embarrassing Photoshop disasters on Farrah's Instagram page.

We're not sure what's funnier — the fails themselves, or the brutal fashion in which Farrah is being roasted by her followers.

Check out the gallery below to decide for yourself:

1. Farrah Abraham Sucks at Photoshop

Farrah abraham sucks at photoshop
Farrah posted this pic to her Instagram page to celebrate Independence Day. Fans were quick to point out the irony of her obvious dependence on Photoshop.

2. Word Salad

Farrah abraham on insta
Farrah attempted to explain what her ass has to do with the Fourth of July with one of her classically nonsensical rants:

3. Shout Out To … Everyone?

Farrah abraham in underwear for some reason
“For the I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T,” Farrah wrote. “The leaders, the doers, the disrupters, no better way then celebrating your “survivor journey” on #independenceday stay true to your focus, your ambition, your drive your over coming is noticed and recognized on this very day. Cheers to the independent success stories GOD BLESS THE USA”

4. Hashtags Galore

Farrah abraham in a gold and black dress
Because of course she wasn’t done there, Farrah added: “#blessed #livingmybestlife #ilovemylife #survivor #independentwoman #independent #syrian #american #danish #sicilian #2018 #victor #victory #fireworks #firework”

5. The Real Issue Here

Farrah abraham in a bowtie
Obviously, fans were less focused on the ridiculous patriotic caption than on the botched retouching of Farrah’s butt.

6. A Valid Question

Farrah abraham face down
“Omg what’s wrong with your butt?” asked one fan. Needless to say, she wasn’t alone in her curiosity.

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Farrah Abraham Lies to Daughter About Her Arrest, Fails at Parenting AGAIN

Farrah Abraham’s daughter, Sophia, is nine years old, which means that it’s been nearly a decade now that she’s been in the public eye.

And somehow, against all odds, she keeps on getting worse.

Things keep going steadily downhill for Farrah, but they seemed to have picked up speed last year, when she decided to get big into those cam girl shows.

After doing a couple of them, Teen Mom OG producers sat her down to talk about them, as well as her anger issues and her habit of disrespecting crew members.

She didn’t appreciate the talk, and when she was offered another chance to stay on the show if she’d just quit the porn and act like a decent human being during filming, she declined and decided to cut ties with MTV instead.

Things got really bad after that — she went on all these delusional rants about being a victim of hate crimes, and she really seemed to be in a bad place emotionally.

She sued Viacom for many strange, nonsensical reasons, she lashed out at anyone she could think of, and she made some incredibly bizarre statements.

Will you ever be able to forget the time she said that she and Sophia take nude photos of each other and save them on their phones?

We know we won’t.

The point is that things have been extra bad for a long time now … and that they got even worse last week, when she was arrested.

You’ve probably heard this story a few times by now, but it’s still a good one: Farrah was at the Beverly Hills Hotel when she got into an argument with some people that was bad enough that a security guard asked her to leave.

It’s Farrah, so she didn’t listen. Instead, she allegedly hit the guard, which is what got her arrested.

Not surprisingly, the cops who arrested her reported that she seemed intoxicated, and witnesses said that during the altercation, she was yelling things like “you should know who I am.”

She spent a few hours in jail, then was right back to being just as insane as ever.

She’s said more than once now that all the reports, including the police report, apparently, are all lies, and that she’s being bullied because she’s famous.

You know, typical Farrah nonsense.

But in this new interview she did with Us Weekly, she’s explaining what she told Sophia about the arrest.

And it’s … well, it’s not great.

“I actually did explain everything to her,” she says. “As it happens, you gotta just say unexpected things may occur and you just gotta keep your cool.”

“You can be so nice to a certain extent and then it’s like, ‘Whew.’ People will try to ruin your career and you do nothing to have that happen.”

She adds that “I’m just working hard and we are on track.”

“I’m just thankful I didn’t get really in trouble because I really would’ve been sad about that, if it were my fault.”

It’s hard to understand exactly what she’s saying here, as always, but the gist of it is that after being arrested for hitting a security guard, she simply told her daughter that people were out to get her and that it wasn’t her fault at all.

Which doesn’t seem like the healthiest way of explaining something like that to a kid, you know?

Farrah doesn’t sound too concerned about how Sophia handled the situation though.

Instead, she says “It was very confusing for me and I wish that no other single mom or person in the public eye has to deal with that. It’s a confusing place to be in.”

So how confusing must it have been for Sophia, who doesn’t have another parent to fall back on if this one keeps getting arrested?

She’s got a plan for that!

“We had to go out last night for events and I was just very strict with my team about — hey, if someone has to go to the bathroom, we’re not leaving each other alone,” she says.

“Always have a buddy. Don’t be left alone and don’t be out until a certain hour.”

She really doesn’t believe any of this was her fault, does she?

Thoughts and prayers for Sophia, please, who has a long road ahead of her as Farrah Abraham’s child.

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Ted Cruz Attempts to Appear Human With Simpsons Joke, Fails

Ralph Wiggum. The monorail episode. Steamed Hams. 

The Simpsons has given us so much over the course of its multi-decade run that it’s not surprising when someone makes an effort to piggyback on the show’s unprecedented success.

But it is surprising when someone botches the attempt as badly as Ted Cruz did today.

You might know Cruz from his failed bid for the GOP presidential nomination, or for his intriguing love of incest porn.

Either way, you’re probably aware that the Texas senator embodies awkward in a way that few human beings ever have.

So when Zodiac Ted attempted to appeal to the groovy youths with a reference to the hippest 26-year-old animated sitcom on TV, it predictably went about as smoothly as the time Homer ate those Guatemalan Insanity Peppers.

Appearing at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference today, Cruz attempted to explain the current political climate using an awkward analogy involving America’s favorite non-Obama family.

“The Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson and Republicans are happily the party of Homer, Bart, Maggie and Marge,” Cruz told the assembled Chads and Ashleys.

Soooo … Democrats are the nation’s conscientious intellectuals and Republicans are its suckling infants?

No matter where you fall on the political spectrum we think you’ll agree that Ted’s analogy game could use some work.

The weird thing is, this is far from the first time that Cruz has referenced The Simpsons.

He claims to love the show, which makes his simplistic understanding of its characters all the more baffling.

Lisa is an egghead and the rest of the family is made up of red-blooded patriots?!

Take that Tracy Ullman-ass analysis back to 1989, homie.

Not surprisingly, some of the biggest talents behind the show’s success took issue with Ted’s interpretation of their work.

“Ted Cruz says Maggie Simpson would vote for him,” tweeted longtime showrunner Al Jean.

“I think Ted’s the one who could use a pacifier in his mouth.”

Jean added that Springfield’s most famous capitalist might have issued his final “fine mahok”:

“The way things are going even Mr. Burns is thinking of becoming a Democrat,” he wrote.

And Jean certainly wasn’t alone in his criticism of Cruz’s comments.

Many pointed out that The Simpsons savagely mocked the idea of a Trump presidency way back in 2000, which seems a fair indication that few of the show’s characters would be onboard with the present GOP agenda.

Tens of thousands went full Nelson Muntz on Cruz in the hours after his quote went public, but the most scathing burn may have come from longtime animator Anna Maltese:

“As a Simpsons animator for many years, I can say with 100% certainty that A) Lisa is officially the conscience of the family so…awesome.  B) Neither Marge nor Homer are Republicans,” Maltese tweeted bluntly.

We’re sure this isn’t as irritating to Cruz as having to continually deny that his dad killed JFK, but we’re guessing he’s not feeling particularly cromulent at the moment.

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Tom Cruise Fails Again During ‘Mission: Impossible’ Stunt, Possibly Injured

Tom Cruise should really consider getting a stunt double, ‘cause he screwed up another jump on the set of “Mission: Impossible 6” … and might’ve injured himself again. Filming resumed in London this week, and in this clip you see Cruise attempt…

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Duggar Parenting Fails: 13 Of the Family’s Most Shocking Moments

It was the size of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's massive brood that made them famous, but it's the unusual fashion in which the couple has raised their 19 kids that's made them subjects of continued fascination.

From bizarrely detailed "courtship rules" to a strict ban on girls and women wearing pants, the Duggars exercise control over every aspect of their children's lives.

It's a way of life that's earned them more critics than fans over the years, and when you look at the long list of jaw-dropping Duggar parenting moments, it's not hard to see why that is:

1. Pants, Pants Revolution

Jinger duggar in sweatpants
After a lifetime of only being permitted to wear long skirts, Jinger Duggar defied her parents and began wearing pants in public. Her sister Jessa Duggar followed suit. Jim Bob is reportedly displeased, but under the Duggar code of conduct, his hands are tied as long as their husbands allow a more lax dress code.

2. Blanket Training

Blanket training
The Duggars practice a controversial method of child discipline known as “blanket training.” In it, children are placed on a blanket and either restrained or physically punished if they attempt to move from it. Many fans believe this photo shows Israel Dillard receiving blanket training from his parents, Jill and Derick.

3. The Infamous Tortilla Hat

Samuel dillard tortilla hat
Earlier this year, Jill Duggar was harshly criticized for placing a tortilla on the head of her infant son Samuel. Seems like she just needed something to block the sun in a pinch, but the decision to substitute food for clothing didn’t sit well with fans.

4. Bike Fight

Bike fight
Speaking of headgear, some fans got upset about recent photos that showed young Duggar children riding bikes without helmets. And that wasn’t the family’s first cycling-related controversy…

5. Inappropriate Attire?

Duggar kids on bikes
It all started with this photo that not only showed the Duggar kids helmet-less, but also revealed that girls in the family are forced to wear skirts even while riding bikes.

6. Kids With Guns

Josh duggar gun photo
Before that OTHER big scandal surrounding Josh Duggar and kids, there was the one surrounding this photo. Fans were understandably not thrilled by the sight of Josh and Anna’s young children posing with a massive semi-automatic weapon.

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Kourtney Kardashian Tries, Fails to Prank Sleeping Kendall Jenner

Even though she made the mistake of spending a decade of her life cleaning up Scott Disick's vomit, Kourtney Kardashian still has a lot going for her.

She has three lovely kids, enjoys a "career" that requires her to do literally nothing except live out her lavish life in front of a camera crew, and probably owns about a dozen pairs of shoes that cost more than your car.

But apparently, there's one area in which Kourtney is sorely lacking.

It seems the girl can't play a prank to save her life.

In a preview clip for this week's episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe attempt to punk a sleeping Kendall Jenner.

Their plan is at once simple and intricate:

Kourt and Khloe plan to cram some chocolate in Kendall's butt crack in hopes of making the poor girl think she "sharted" herself in her sleep.

Like we said, not a terribly complex plan, and if executed properly, it probably has amusing payoff.

But that's the problem–you've got a couple first-timers attempting a prank with a pretty high degree of difficulty.

Granted, we've never tried to put food in a sleeping person's ass, but we imagine it's pretty hard to do so without waking them up.

This is a classic case of flying too close to the sun and Kourt and Khloe pay for their hubris in the end.

It's like a Greek tragedy, but with butt chocolate.

Next time, just draw dicks on her face and be done with it.

Check out the failed fake shart below, and watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians online so you don't have to watch this scene out of context.

We kid. Noting ever happens on this show.

Kourtney kardashian tries fails to prank sleeping kendall jenner
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