When Jax Taylor appears on Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live, it’s not uncommon for callers to inquire as to the quantity of cocaine that disappears up the Vanderpump Rules star’s surgically-enhanced nose on a nightly basis.
Based on what we saw last night, the answer cannot be given in terms of grams or even ounces, and instead must be envisioned as a relief map of Tony Montana’s desktop.
What we’re saying is, Jax appears to have been halfway to the moon on Colombian marching powder during his latest tirade at SUR, and the resulting sh-tshow could cost him both his fake job (bartender) and his real one (reality TV powder keg).
We joke about Jax’s consumption of booger sugar (kind of), but it’s not hard to see how he ended up so wound up during the climactic of last night’s episode.
Basically, a series of escalating conflicts had Jax’s fight or flight brain in high gear, and we doubt even Kelsey’s magic reiki rocks could have calmed him down.
First, he confronted the random SUR waiter who we’ll call Zoolander about his alleged crush on Brittany Cartwright.
Shortly thereafter, he locked horns with Scheana Marie, who tried to fix Zoolander up with Brittany.
After that, Jax got into it with James Kennedy over allegations that James hooked up with Kristen during the recent group trip to Mexico.
Unfortunately for Mr. Taylor the situation came to a head just as Lisa Vanderpump walked into SUR to check otu “See You Next Tuesday” for herself.
Lisa tried to calm Jax down, and well … it didn’t go smoothly:
“F–k you all,” shouted a wild-eyed Jax in the middle of his place of employment.
“F–k you all, you f–king lying sacks of goddamn s–t. F–k you all,” he continued, making a solid case for hinself as the most unhinged individual in the realty television landscape.
Astonishingly, he then made the baffling decision to flip Lisa off, which predicably led to him getting expelled from the restaurant.
“Of all the places that you choose to have a meltdown, why choose the place that has paid your bills for the last seven years?”
“Of hundreds of employees, I’ve never had anybody speak to me the way you speak to me,” Lisa continued after Jax refused to leave.
“You’re arrogant and you’re obnoxious. You’re acting like a little f–king baby.”
At that point, Taylor broke the fourth wall and removed his microphone, leading some viewers to theorize that he’d quit the show, especially since all of this comes on the heels of rumors about Jax breaking up with Brittany and movin to Florida.
Needless to say, #PumpRules Twitter went wild.
“It only took 6 years, but we, the fans of #PumpRules, finally get what we deserve: a full blown Jax coke tantrum,” wrote one fan.
“Could you imagine being at SUR as Jax had that ungodly meltdown? Bc that would be a dream come true for me,” joked another.
“Next season. Jax: the intervention,” a third remarked.
But the tweet of the night belongs to Ira Madison III wh threw it all the way back to James’ “it’s not about the pasta” comments from earlier this season:
“How much pasta did Jax have tonight?”
We think it’s time for Mr. Taylor to put down the grated parm and stick to oregano.
Watch Vanderpump Rules online for more troubling behavior from the man we like to call the West Coast Situation.