Johnny Depp: Amber Heard Beat the Sh-t Out of Me!

When Johnny Depp and Amber Heard finalized their divorce back in January of 2017, the actors signed a nondisclosure agreement that prevented them from speaking to the press about their marriage.

Sources say both parties considered it the best path forward, as it would enable them to focus on their careers and avoid public conjecture about their personal lives.

But unquestionably, no one benefited as much from the arrangement as Depp.

Heard had accused Depp of abuse, and photos of the injuries she allegedly sustained at his hands stunned the internet.

In the current climate of Hollywood, it seems very likely that if we knew all of the details of Depp’s behavior toward Heard in the final months of their marriage, he would never work again.

And that’s a large part of why those details were supposed to be forever buried by that NDA.

Which is why it’s so bizarre that Depp continues to make counter-claims against Heard, thus dragging the whole messy situation back out into the open.

Back in June, he hinted at being unfairly denigrated by Heard in a bizarre, rambling Rolling Stone interview.

And this week, Depp spoke with British GQ and claimed it’s not possible that he could have been physically abusive toward Heard, as he’s not that “dumb.”

“To harm someone you love? As a kind of bully? No, it didn’t, it couldn’t even sound like me,” Depp told the magazine.

Lawyers for Heard promptly issued a statement accusing Depp of continued psychological abuse:

“Mr. Depp is shamefully continuing his psychological abuse of Ms. Heard, who has attempted to put a very painful part of her life firmly in her past,” their statement reads.

“One need only look at the physical evidence to draw the proper conclusion.”

Depp’s attorneys quickly shot back with a statement of their own, claiming that they’ll soon reveal in a London courtroom that Heard was violent toward Depp on multiple occasions:

“In UK court proceedings next month, we will be submitting clear evidence of the violence committed serially against him by Ms. Heard and the serious injuries that he suffered,” Depp’s lawyer Adam Waldman said in a statement released on Wednesday night.

“We will also submit overwhelming evidence that Ms. Heard faked the abuse allegations against Mr. Depp.”

This is not the first time that Depp has claimed he was physically abused by Heard.

The actor previously claimed Heard punched him in the face in front of multiple witnesses after flying into a rage because he was late to a party.

He also says Heard defecated on his bed as an act of revenge.

Again, we’re baffled as to why Johnny would air all this dirty laundry in public.

But we’re guessing those closest to both Depp and Heard wish they would simply cut ties with one another for good.


Johnny Depp: There’s No Way I Could Have Abused Amber Heard!

There was a time — not all that long ago, in fact — when people actually looked forward to the promotional tours that preceded the release of Johnny Depp’s big-budget studio films.

Depp was Hollywood’s most charming oddball, and fans loved the idea of the notoriously press-shy actor being lured away from much cooler pursuits — presumably smoking opium with Keith Richards or something — to provide a sharp contrast to the sunny demeanor of some bubbly morning show host.

But a whole lot has changed since the days when Depp used to mumble his way through pre-taped interviews with Matt Lauer.

And needless to say, it’s all been bad.

Over the past few years, the once-beloved actor’s reputation has taken one hit after another.

Last year, Depp sued his management team, and the bizarre court battle that ensued painted a picture of a drug-addled egomaniac who’s prone to bullying and endangering the less powerful for the sake of his own amusement.

In June, Rolling Stone published an interview with Depp that seemed to confirm suspicions that years of heavy substance abuse and a number of toxic personality traits had caused the 55-year-old to transform into a sort of sad self-parody.

But nothing did more damage to Depp’s public image than his ugly divorce from Amber Heard.

Heard accused Depp of savagely beating her, and secretly recorded video (below) showed a heavily-intoxicated Depp berating his then-wife.

Most actors would have embarked on an apology tour after something like that, but Depp maintained his innocence, and in a shocking new interview with British GQ, he’s doubling down and once again claiming that Heard is the real bully:

Asked point-blank if he ever hit abused Heard, Depp had this to say:

“To harm someone you love? As a kind of bully? No, it didn’t, it couldn’t even sound like me.

“So, initially, I just kept my mouth shut, you know? I knew it was going to stick on me and it would get weirder. Keep going, you know? Go nuts. I ain’t going to get into a pissing contest with someone about it.

“Spit out what you need to spit out and, you know, my attorneys will take care of the rest. I never went out and spoke about the sh-t.”

Yes, it seems that in the classic fashion of Hollywood egomaniacs throughout history, Depp believed his attorneys would make the whole mess go away.

He went on to offer up one of those “well, why didn’t she report it sooner?” arguments that we’ve been hearing entirely too much of lately:

“Why didn’t that person speak to the police? I mean, they spoke to the police, but the police saw nothing and they offered her an emergency medical technician,” Depp said.

“She said no. Police see nothing on her. Police see nothing broken in the place, no marks, and then they offer her an EMT to have a look at her and she says no and I don’t know if it was the next day or a couple of days later, but then there was a bruise,” he added.

“There was a red mark and then there was a brown bruise…. She was at a party the next day. Her eye wasn’t closed. She had her hair over her eye, but you could see the eye wasn’t shut.”

Depp concluded his comments on Heard by stating that it would be “stupid” to hit her, and adding:

“I might look stupid, but I ain’t f–king stupid.”

We’re not sure about that, Johnny … you’re certainly sounding awfully stupid these days.


Johnny Depp: One Time Amber Heard Took a Dump on My Bed as Payback!

It may be that Johnny Depp is broke after blowing his fortune on a weird, random collection, but he still has a lot of friends.

And one of them has come forward with a story claiming that, during his marriage to Amber Heard, she pooped on their bed. As a prank.

Honestly, this might be the least upsetting story about their marriage that we’ve heard. But it’s still very gross.

So, remember Depp’s recent claim that Amber supposedly punched him because he was late to a party?

Well, someone close to him came forward to the Daily Mirror to say that Amber retaliated against him for being late … by defecating on their marital bed.

Though Amber apparently said that it was one of their dogs, this claim was dismissed because of the size of the excrement.

The source claims that there was some sort of “strong, photographic evidence that connected Amber to the feces.”

The incident, the source says, seemed to be a “prank.”

On a more serious note, it was allegedly during a fight about this incident that Depp is said to have thrown a phone at Amber’s face.

That is definitely not the worst of the accusations about Depp from the time of their marriage, but it’s upsetting.

Oddly, this source also says that the bed defecation incident was a factor in their split.

The Daily Mirror says that Amber’s rep responded to their query and explained the incident.

“Boo has some serious bowel control issues,” the rep says, referring to one of the couple’s small dogs — whom Amber won in the divorce.

“There was never a joke,” the rep clarifies. “It wasn’t something done to be disrespectful.”

“It was an innocent thing, it’s what pets will do,” the rep continues.

“We don’t have anything else to say,” the rep asserts. “Ms Heard is moving on and we do not want to engage in this nonsense.”

This is gross, but it’s also a gross story that dates back more than two years.

And, unlike allegations of abuse, it’s nothing more than disgusting. If it’s true, it’s yucky and unsanitary. If it was the dogs, it’s still yucky and unsanitary.

So why, some wonder, is this coming up?

Our best guess is that this is because Depp has been facing some really bad PR lately and perhaps he or someone close to him is trying to somehow deflect.

But that’s just a guess. Honestly, who can say?

Johnny Depp looks like he’s dying in recent photographs, but that’s just a small part of the story.

More seriously, Depp is being sued for allegedly punching a dude and then offering that man money to hit him back in some bizarre fit of aggression.

That story did not come as a surprise to those who believed Amber Heard when she accused him of domestic violence.

Or to those who remember Depp’s hotel room-destroying antics from the ’90s.

But it sounds like the fallout from Depp’s abuse accusations is really getting under his skin.

A number of diehard Harry Potter fans have vowed to not see Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald — because Depp is in it, and because JK Rowling and the director defended his casting.

Some have even taken to nicknaming the film “The Crimes of Johnny Depp.”

These fans wish that Depp would stop ruining Harry Potter, as they believe that to be JK Rowling’s job.

Depp has seen some of this coverage, which is apparently what motivated him to — years after their court battle — accuse Amber of having punched him in retaliation for him being late.

It sounds like — whether it was one of the couple’s dogs or Amber herself — the story of this defecation was shared in an effort to deflect attention from that.


Johnny Depp: Amber Heard Punched Me In the Face Because I Was Late to Her Party

Johnny Depp has been in the news a lot lately and — spoiler alert! — it’s not because of his incredible career comeback.

Quite the opposite in fact, as Depp’s torturously slow meltdown has made him a major tabloid staple in recent months.

The Summer of Johnny Drama began when photos of Depp looking frail and gaunt made their way around social media.

From there, we were treated to Depp’s bizarre Rolling Stone interview, in which it was revealed that he spends most of his time padding around a massive London mansion smoking hash and blaring Marilyn Manson, which is the ideal existence if you’re a 15-year-old goth, but is more than a little sad if you’re a 55-year-old dad getting stoned with people who are paid to hang out with you.

Of course, the beginning of Depp’s very public downfall was his ugly divorce from Amber Heard.

During the split, it was revealed that Depp was often abusive toward Heard, even going so far as to physically attack her in such brutal fashion that she was left bruised and bloody.

Depp and Heard both signed non-disclosure agreements which prohibit them from speaking to the press about their marriage or divorce.

Sounds like a net positive for Depp, but for some reason, the actor has decided to open the dark sarcophagus of his past and spill the foul red fluid of his sh-tty behavior all over an unsuspecting populace.

Apparently, Johnny was extremely pissed off by a UK tabloid’s account of his marriage, and he’s decided to sue for libel.

In doing so, he’s offered his version of events, which leans very heavily on the old “actually, she was the abuser!” narrative.

According to court documents obtained by The Daily Mail, Depp claims Heard once humiliated him by drunkenly socking him in the face at her own birthday party.

“Ms. Heard, who had been drinking, became aggressive and violent… punching him twice in the face,” Depp’s attorneys write.

They go on to claim that Depp “defended himself by grabbing Ms. Heard’s arms to stop her punching again and told her to stop,” adding:

“He pushed her away on to the bed and told her he was leaving and that she should not follow him.”

Yes, Johnny’s playing the “real victim” card these days, and to the surprise of no one who’s not named Johnny Depp, it’s triggering bullsh-t detectors all over the world.

In fact, the response from Amber’s lawyers basically consists of them going, “Look at this guy. You really gonna believe him?” 

“These allegations are totally false,” their reply reads.

“One needs only read the recent Rolling Stone article about Mr. Depp and the lawsuit filed against him by a location manager, among many other recent news stories and lawsuits, to understand his state of mind.”

If Depp’s lawyers are smart they’ll just shrug and say touché.

We’d almost feel bad for them … if they weren’t defending Johnny Depp.


Amber Heard: BLASTED for Racist Tweet About Housekeepers

Amber Heard would like to make two things very clear:

1. She is not racist.

2. The country has a major problem with racism.

The actress found herself at the center of a controversy related to this pair of issues on Tuesday, following a Tweet she wrote in response to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) setting up a road block near her home.

This is what the 32-year old star wrote shortly after midnight today:

“Just heard there’s an ICE checkpoint in hollywood, a few blocks from where I live. Everyone better give their housekeepers, nannies and landscapers a ride home tonight,” Tweeted Heard.

Her point here, of course, was that many housekeepers, nannies and landscapers are undocumented immigrants and that ICE may detain and deport them.

Is she wrong? Probably not, as a sort of extreme generalization.

But we can see why the Tweet caused some uproar, can’t you?

Amber Heard tweet

“I can see where you were going but somewhere along the way you took a wrong turn. Delete this sis,” one social media wrote.

Heard did delete the post, but she didn’t apologize for it.

Instead, she simply made the same point in a different way.

“With this human rights crisis being so politicized, it is hard to make a simple statement w/out it being used to distract from the real issues,” she explained, adding:

“Its hard for everyone to not be negatively affected by this subject n some way.”

Heard, of course, is talking about the ongoing debate over immigration, which has been spurred on by the separation of children from their parents at the border.

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She later added:

“Checkpoints on your home streets….Is this the ‘great’ America we’re aiming for?” Heard wondered on Twitter as well, 10 minutes after she published her incendiary tweet.

“Raids, fences and police-state like checkpoints don’t feel like the ‘land of the free’ our immigrant ancestors built.”

Heard shared a slew of photos on her Instagram page last week while attending a #KeepFamiliesTogether rally in Marcelino Serna Port of Entry in Texas, her home state.

One image of the actress depicts her sporting a sign that read:

“Apartheid was legal. Holocaust was legal. Legality is a matter of power, not justice.”

She was joined at similar protests around the country by such celebrities as Lena Dunham, Joshua Jackson, Connie Britton, Evan Rachel Wood and Sia.

Speaking to BuzzFeed, Heard – who was born and raised in Austin – burst into tears.

She takes this issue extremely seriously and very personally.

“I was literally and figuratively raised by and with immigrants in my home and heart and life,” she told the website.

Heard, meanwhile, split from Elon Musk last summer, several months after she finalized a very messy divorce from Johnny Depp.