It’s been a while since Lena Dunham has done anything to warrant the attention of us slavering hellhounds in the gossip-sphere.
It could have to do with the fact that she’s adopted a more low-key lifestyle these days and turned her attention to, in her words, “pursuing slow meaningful spiritual progress.”
Of course, it’s equally possible that we all simultaneously decided to stop regularly checking her social media accounts for any number of valid reasons.
(Public interest in her personal life has been on the decline ever since Girls ended; she seems to google herself constantly despite being cursed with very thin skin; Lena-related gossip frequently centers around “hard pass” subject matter like vaginas crammed full of pebbles, etc.)
Whatever the case, there’s less Lena in your life these days, and we don’t need a focus group to know that you’re probably okay with that.
But the never-reliable Star magazine decided to dip its toe back in the Lena pond this week, and despite the high probability that this story is total BS (again, Star magazine) we decided it’s amusing enough to share with you.
As you may recall, back in January, Lena and Jack Antonoff broke up after six years of dating.
By all accounts, the split was mutual and amicable, but it seems Lena misses more about the relationship than just quipping “I hope you bought Anton a drink first!” every time someone said her boyfriend’s full name.
An “insider” tells Star that Lena is still hung up on Jack in a big way, and her obsession is beginning to take a toll on his new relationship.
“She calls Jack at least five times a day, all in the name of ‘friendship’ – and she always talks to him right before she goes to bed,” says the anonymous friend.
“She’ll text him photos of her private parts at like 1 a.m. At that point, he just turns the phone off.”
Not surprisingly, the source also claims that Jack’s new girlfriend, Carlotta Kohl, is less than thrilled with the situation.
“Half the time she spent with him, he was on the phone with his ex!” says the tipster of a recent date between Jack and Carlotta.
We figure September is a good time to get around to our New Year’s resolution of trying something new every day, so we’re actually gonna defend Lena instead of making a bunch of easy jokes at her expense.
Here goes nothing:
Lena Dunham is probably not sending unsolicited vadge pics to her ex-boyfriend, and the only way this source could sound more made-up is if it called the situation “steamy,” or used some other word that’s only ever been used by tabloid writers.
Now if you’ll excuse us, this small act of decency has made us feel all out of sorts.
We’re gonna go kick a puppy or vote Republican or something to balance ourselves out.