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Jennifer Aniston to Justin Theroux: You Better Not Be Banging Selena Gomez!

It’s been three months since the world learned Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have separated, and while both parties claim the split was amicable, their behavior during that time tells a different story.

Despite frequent rumors that Aniston is back together with Brad Pitt, there’s been no definitive indication that either party has moved on – and that might be by design.

Justin, Jen, Selena

Neither Jen nor Justin has come out and confirmed that they’re dating someone new, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re both still single.

In fact, Jen’s not the only one who’s been the subject of persistent rumors regarding an alleged rebound fling with an A-lister.

For several weeks now, rumors that Justin is dating Selena Gomez have been circulating on social media.

The whole thing seems very far-fetched, especially considering the fact that Justin is 21 years Selena’s senior.

But according to Hollywood Life, Jen has been considering the possibility that there’s some truth to these reports.

And she’s very, very unhappy about it:

“Jennifer is upset over the dating rumors swirling around her ex and Selena,” claims a source close to the actress.

“It hurts Jen to think that Justin would move on already,” the insider adds.

“To think of him with anyone else, especially someone so young and that Jen has a personal relationship with like Selena, is painful for her. Jen doesn’t want to think about it and definitely does not believe it.”

And it seems Selena isn’t the only potential rebound partner that Jen is concerned about these days:

“Jennifer is tired of hearing about all the women Justin may be dating since there split,” the source continued.

“From Emma Watson to Selena, Jen is furious over every picture she sees of her ex with another pretty face out in New York. Jen won’t believe any of the rumors until she hears from Justin himself that he is involved in a new relationship.”

Yes, it seems Jen is concerned that Justin is running around Manhattan sleeping with everything with a pulse, a la Joey Tribbiani.

We’re of the opinion that the only way for Jen to exact revenge is for her to engage in a high-profile fling with Brad.

Actually, we have no idea if that would bother Justin or not.

We’d just like to see Jen engage in a high-profile fling with Brad Pitt.

Give the people what they want, you two!

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Jennifer Love Hewitt to Fans: I’m Not Really Ugly Now! I Promise!

Jennifer Love Hewitt took to the red carpet at the Upfronts to promote Ryan Murphy's 9-1-1 series.

As you can see in the video that we've attached, she did not necessarily look the best that she's ever looked. And she saw the pics.

Hewitt is issuing an apology to fans and assuring them that she's still hot and that this "disaster" will never happen again.

Jennifer love hewitt talks to e

Jennifer Love Hewitt took to her Instagram stories to repeatedly apologize for her appearance on the red carpet.

"It has been a really intense couple of days. Like, so great, so blessed — but intense."

A lot of things fit that description. Particularly in show business.

"We go to the Upfront yesterday and nobody tells me the day is going to be like 12 hours long and the humidity is going to be almost 100 percent in New York City."

Fortunately, phones have access to All Human Knowledge and can tell you the forecast. But that's beside the point.

"So, I just have to apologize."

Does she need to apologize for looking less than her best, though?

"Wearing a black suit? Not a good idea."

It was very hot.

"Not wearing enough hairspray and teasing in my hair? Also a bad idea."

Jennifer love hewitt on the red carpet

She is all but begging fans to forgive her for being a human.

"I just have to apologize for how wrecked I look in all the pictures that have come out."

The heat, she says, was a massive factor.

"I was literally melting. By the time I got to the red carpet, I was honestly melting."

If you live in a dry area, heat is like an oven. If you live in a humid and hot area, heat is like a sauna. It's worse.

"My hair was flat, my makeup was running off my face."

She makes it clear exactly why, in her mind, this is such a transgression.

"And I looked like I had completely forgotten I was an actress in this business who is supposed to look [perfect] when you step on the red carpet."

Jennifer love hewitt red carpet pose

She assures fans that she will not look like this on 9-1-1, a show about which she is very excited.

"That is not what I'm going to look like on the show."

Few actors look the same on the red carpet as they do on television.

"I'm going to have makeup on my face."

That's a given.

"I'm not going to be sweating."

That's the dream.

"I'm not going to be overwhelmed by being in front of a red carpet and crews again."

Of course.

"Honestly, I apologize."

Does she really need to apologize? Surely most fans are nuanced enough to understand that she won't always look like she did in 1999.

"I should've really gotten it together!"

Jennifer love hewitt maxim cover pic

She says that her two toddlers had kept her up "all night."

"It was our first time traveling with them."

There's a time zone difference. It's a lot. And this isn't her first #MommyLife mishap.

"Traveling with toddlers…wow. I had no idea. I mean, I waited this long because I knew that it was going to be hard."

But she makes it clear that she's not shaming them for being toddlers.

"First of all, let me say: My kids were ballers. Amazing! They did a great job."

And she gives a big shout-out to her partner in crime, Brian Hallisay.

"My husband is a saint."

Credit where credit is due.

"He really held it all together."

Jennifer love hewitt maxim photo

Overall, Hewitt says that it was a positive experience.

"I had an amazing time in New York, I had an amazing time with my family, but I'm happy to be home!"

Of course.

"I'm going to be killing my boxing workouts again, getting in great shape mentally, physically, and emotionally for all that's ahead when we start the season."

It sounds like she's really trying to assure people that she's going to be "TV hot" again.

"I'm just feeling really grateful, so I hope you're excited. I'm excited."

Fans are, of course, excited.

"And I'm really sorry for looking like a hot mess on the red carpet yesterday. Oh, my God!"

She really dozen need to apologize. Especially not this many times.

"I was so hot! I was like literally melting. Like, melting. Melting! But…I had a blast!"

Mila kunis hot

Jennifer love hewitt to fans im not really ugly now i promise
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Jennifer Garner & Lindsay Shookus to Ben Affleck: Stop Being a Douche!

It’s been almost a year since the world first learned that Ben Affleck is dating Lindsay Shookus, and though the couple has kept their relationship as low-key as possible, in that time, fans and the press have jumped to the same conclusion about the couple’s dynamic.

Whether it’s fair or not, the picture that’s emerged is one of a self-indulgent manchild meeting his ideal enabler.

This might have something to do with the fact that Ben and Lindsay were spotted drinking together in her hometown shortly after they started dating.

Normally, that wouldn’t be a big deal, but Affleck has been in and out of rehab several times in the past few years, and his friends and family were understandably concerned that he seemed to be throwing caution to the wind.

As for Garner, she’s said to be unconcerned about the relationship and has reportedly informed Shookus that Ben’s drinking is her problem now.

So Lindsay and Jen obviously don’t quite get along, but it seems they’re willing to join forces when the stakes are high enough.

Such as when Ben’s notorious temper threatens to have a negative impact on the lives of his three young children.

Recently, Ben and his kids were hounded by some paparazzi during their weekly visit to their local church.

Ben was less than pleased, and he made his feelings know with an irate tweet:

“Still not sure what is urgently newsworthy about a middle-aged man taking his kids to church,” Affleck wrote.

According to Radar Online, both Jen and Lindsay agreed that his response would only serve to make the situation worse.

And apparently, they joined forces to make Ben see their error of his ways.

After reportedly consulting with Jen, Lindsay addressed the issue with Ben:

“Lindsay told him he doesn’t want to come off negatively like other celebrities when they spout off on their social media,” a source tells Radar.

“It doesn’t make him look good. They argued about it.”

Eventually, Ben came around to Jen and Lindsay’s way of thinking.

“He’s super remorseful and wants to make it right,” says the insider.

So there you have it.

All Ben needs to do to live a drama-free life is to consult with both his girlfriend and his ex before he makes any type of decision.

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Jennifer Aniston to Neri Oxman: Stay Away From Brad Pitt!

While the rumors have yet to be confirmed, lots of folks are already in love with the idea that Brad Pitt is dating Neri Oxman, a world-renowned architect and MIT professor, who reportedly caught the actor’s eye last year.

But not everyone is so thrilled with the notion of Brad ditching Hollywood to hook up with a European academic.

Brad Pitt Neri Oxman

For starters, there are reports that Angelina Jolie is pissed about Brad and Neri, as she believes (probably quite rightly) that Pitt’s new boo has her thoroughly outclassed in terms of intellectual cred and political awareness.

Then there’s Jennifer Aniston who – according to a hilarious report from an Australian tabloid – is angry about the situation for much more Jerry Springer-esque reasons.

Put simply, Jen feels that Neri is out to steal her man!

Now, if you’re not familiar with Aussie tabloids, we should take a moment to point out that they generally make The National Enquirer look like The New York Times.

These publications pretty much just make up whatever the hell they want, and their readers are presumably too busy fending off dingo-sized spiders and to notice that it’s all pure BS.

In that spirit, the magazine New Idea is claiming that Jen is ready to throw down with Neri if she doesn’t keep her brainy ass away from Brad.

“Jen is going to fight for Brad, plain and simple,” a “source” tells the tabloid.

“She’s determined that nothing will get in the way of her happiness,” the fictitious insider continues.

New Idea‘s imaginary tipster, even goes so far as to claim that Jen had a stern sit-down with Neri, during which she basically went full-Godfather.

“Last weekend [Aniston] went and saw Neri, and had a face-to-face with her,” claims the source.

“Jen was firm with Neri and told her to stay away from Brad and not come between them.”

Don’t get us wrong, we love the idea of a Jen in full badass mode, crushing a tumbler of Scotch with her bare hands to demonstrate what she’d do to Neri’s skull.

Unfortunately, like the long-rumored Aniston-Pitt reunion, it seems this one is simply too good to be true.

Fortunately, the folks Down Under are happy to provide us with these amusing fan fictions.

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Jennifer Aniston: PREGNANT With Brad Pitt’s Baby?!?!

In the six weeks since the world learned that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have split up, rumors about how and why the couple called it quits have been circulating non-stop.

Not surprisingly, the most salacious reports center around Jen’s first husband, actor and beloved menopausal fantasy inspiration Brad Pitt.

According to breathless tabloid headlines and your Aunt Linda who still watches her old Thelma and Louise VHS before bed, Pitt and Aniston are back together, and they’re furiously making up for lost time.

Actual media outlets have already claimed that Brad and Jennifer are married.

These reports are substantiated by nothing other than tips from anonymous sources who talk the way gossip columnists write.

(Pro tip: No one uses the word “steamy” in real life.)

Every time one of these fraudulent reports goes to print, an implicit challenge is issued to other gossip outlets.

And as you can see, the Aussie ‘bloid Woman’s Day was all like, “We’ll see your fake wedding and raise you a fake pregnancy.”

The magazine boldly declares “Yes! Jen’s Pregnant!” without even bothering to cover its ass with a speculative question mark.

“Just months after secretly reigniting their romance,” the former couple is “expecting a much longed-for child,” the cover story claims.

“Friends say the thrilling and surprising news that Jen is pregnant is the real reason the rekindled exes went public with their relationship so soon.”

The story comes complete with a fabricated source who says Jen has cut out booze and cigs, which is the tabloid world’s surest sign that a female celebrity is carrying octuplets:

“In the past two weeks the only social events she’s agreed to have been the non-boozy ones,” says the source.

Exciting stuff, if you’re the type to buy into shameless BS.

Of course, just because the Jen pregnancy story is utter nonsense, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing of value in the newest issue of Woman’s Day.

Like, you convince yourself that due to our increasingly homogeneous global culture, English-speaking countries are all pretty much the same.

Then you find out Aussies are just now getting Young Sheldon and there’s such a thing as a “cricket WAG.” Crikey!

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