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Jersey Shore Recap: Cheating Keto Guido

If you’ve been watching from the beginning, we probably don’t need to tell you that Jersey Shore Family Reunion is quite different from the show’s original iteration.

The OG Jersey Shore saw the housemates doing their best to get loaded and laid, stopping at nothing to achieve these goals, provided they weren’t forced to mess up their spray tans or elaborate hairstyles.

Family Vacation, however, is aptly named, in that the guidos and guidettes are often forced to be on their best behavior, a circumstance you can probably relate to if you’ve ever shared a coastal rental property with your immediate relatives for a week.

That may sound boring, and Vacation is undeniably much slower-paced than its predecessor, but in its own way, the series is just as engrossing as our very first excursion to Seaside Heights.

The stakes are higher, the jokes more consistent (and less problematic, if that’s your thing), and the storylines are more compelling, as we’re watching the crew attempt to navigate the choppy waters of adulthood and not simply dodge “grenades” and social diseases.

Much of the season has focused on Ronnie’s infidelity, and we’ve derived a whole lot of guilty pleasure from comparing the travails of his relationship at the time the show was filmed with his ongoing romantic difficulties, as documented on social media.

(Astonishingly, Ronnie and Jen Harley got back together this week.)

But last night was Vinny’s turn, as the Keto Guido repeatedly crossed the line while partying with the other members of MVP.

To his credit, Vin tries to do right by his model girlfriend, Elicea, but with a full bottle of Grey Goose sloshing around in his carb-deprived body, that’s easier said than done.

Vinny never takes things quite as far as Ronnie, but he knows that his girlfriend would not be pleased by his flirtatious interactions with the bottle service girls of South Beach.

In an effort to alleviate his guilt, Vinny calls Elicea in order to confess his misdeeds, at one point clarifying that he obtained the phone numbers of not one woman, but two. 

“What kind of guido math is that?” asks a befuddled Pauly.

It does seem weird to assure your girlfriend that you got two numbers instead of just one, but we think we see the logic in Vinny’s confession.

Something about the image of him drunkenly connecting with random strangers is less unseemly than the thought of him pursuing one woman all night.

One of the most shocking developments of Family Vacation, of course, has been the fact that Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino has matured into one of the more stable housemates.

Granted, Sorrentino is facing prison time so he’s pretty much been forced to cool his jets, but he does seem to be doing his best to atone for his decade or so of wildly douchey behavior.

On last night’s episode, Mike recruited Jenni to help him pick out an engagement ring for his girlfriend.

He proceeded to have an anxiety attack because adulthood, but the man deserves credit for taking baby steps in the right direction.

Meanwhile, the rest of the cast combed South Beach in search of the perfect girl for Pauly, as though a famous DJ needs any help hooking up in Miami.

Pauly predicted that his friends would have trouble finding a mate who meets his exact specifications and in the end, we were treated to a lame visual gag as Vinny dressed up as Pauly’s ideal woman.

Hey, we said the jokes have a higher success rate than the original Shore; we never claimed they land 100 percent of the time.

Although actually, Pauly and Vinny might really want to consider finding comfort in one another’s arms.

It seems the Keto Guido’s reckless behavior was too much for Elicea, as Vin is now officially single.

Watch Jersey Shore online for more bad decisions from people who are deep into their thirties.

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Jersey Shore Recap: Ronnie’s Baby Mama Talks Trash; Vinny Grabs Some Ass

Last night’s episode of Jersey Shore Family Vacation began with a bit of a cliffhanger resolution.

The previous week’s installment ended with Ronnie’s baby mama, Jen Harley, arriving at the South Beach house, the threat of Mke ruining her visit with a well-timed French Fry revelation looming like a dark cloud.

These days, Ronnie and Jen are broken up following a seriously ugly tiff that played out on social media.

But during his time in Miami, they were still trying to make things work, largely for the sake of their then-unborn daughter.

Of course, their efforts were complicated by the fact that Ronnie cheated with the notorious French Fry during one of his first nights of vacation.

Further complicating the situation was the Situation, who made no secret of the fact that he was enjoying watching Ronnie sweat.

In all likelihood, Mike wouldn’t have sunk so low as to intentionally torpedo Ronnie’s relationship, but minutes into her visit, Jen did something truly astonishing.

Demonstrating all the social graces of a more vindictive George Costanza, Jen overstepped her bounds by referring to Mike as “the Incarceration.”

The comment astonished housemates and viewers alike.

For one thing – this woman needs to learn how to read the room.

You can’t meet a long-established group of friends for the first time and just assume it’s cool to start roasting the low man on totem pole, especially about something that serious.

This wasn’t some “haha, I heard you snore and your socks smell”-type stuff.

No, this was Jen poking fun at the fact that Mike is facing hard time in a federal prison.

It’s the sort of thing the Sitch is probably capable of laughing off when it one of his housemates doing the roasting, but not when it’s coming from a stranger he JUST met.

Not surprisingly, Mike responded with a subtle French Fry reference.

For once in his life, the man showed an admirable amount of restraint, as we doubt anyone would’ve blamed if he had just gone ahead and called Ronnie out for cheating in that moment.

Fortunately for Ronnie’s sake, the situation – and the Situation – didn’t go any further.

Speaking of the famed I’m F–ked Foundation – whose membership seems to grow by the week – last night it was Vinny’s turn to disrespect his relationship and then rat himself out.

To be fair, Vin’s infraction really wasn’t that bad:

He picked up a stripper as a joke, and it seems he immediately felt bad about it.

He then rang up his girl on the duck phone in order to confess, leading to a serious roasting from Pauly D.

“Don’t ever call your girl drunk,” Pauly remarked.

And that wasn’t the only quotable line to emerge from Vin’s flirtation with disaster.

“It’s hard being a horny guy, girls will never understand it,” said Vinny.

“It’s not the same as being a horny girl. I don’t wanna hear it.”

We’ll leave it to y’all to debate the truth behind the Keto Guido’s remarks.

But there’s one thing we can all agree on – Vin’s mom was just a tad too forgiving of his strip club behavior, right?

Hopefully next week, the ladies will get into some shenanigans so they can get a real storyline of their own.

In the meantime, watch Jersey Shore online for more from reality TV’s favorite dysfunctional family. 

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Jersey Shore Recap: Ronnie’s French Fry Situation Gets Greasy

Rahn, stahp!

Those are the words that viewers might find themselves shouting at their screens throughout the study in arrested development that is Jersey Shore Family Vacation.

Several members of the guido squadron have matured in surprising and satisfying ways, but as Pauly D so eloquently observed, Ronnie-Ortiz Magro remains the president for life of the IFF (the esteemed I’m F–ked Foundation).

This week’s episode saw Ronnie making a brave and foolish gambit by sticking to his “deny everything” credo.

(To his credit, we suppose it takes balls to go on TV and admit that the guiding motto of your life is “lie all the time.”)

Just last month, Ronnie welcomed his first child, but at the time JSFV was filmed, his then-girlfriend, Jen Harley, was pregnant with Magro’s baby.

Needless to say, really adds an additional layer of awfulness to his decision to cheat on Jen with a European club-goer who was unfortunately dubbed “French Fry” by Ron’s roommates.

But did Ron really cheat – or did he just take flirting several steps too far?

We may never know for sure thanks to that damn “automatic door-closer” (Ron’s lies have been more amusing than Pauly’s catchphrases this season, which is really saying something.), but frankly, it doesn’t look good.

“She’s building it all up in her head from [videos] of me twirling a girl,” Ron opined after bizarrely ratting himself out in a conversation with Jen.

“It’s not like the girl was grinding on me or was bent over,” he added.

When Vinny Guadagnino aptly points out that French Fry did, in fact, grind on Ron’s junk. the famous agro Magro ‘roid rage rears its ugly head.

“I did not close the door, and you know what, I didn’t know that the f—king door had an ‘automatic closer’ out of nowhere,” Ronnie argued as a flashback clip of him closing the door to “see if it works” appeared on our screens.”

“So the door shut, so it looked worse than what it really was. I did not shut the door.”

The episode concluded with Jen actually showing up at the house and the question of how long it will take The Situation to blow up Ron’s spot lingered over the ostensibly happy scene.

These days, of course, reality TV shows are multimedia affairs.

We watch the events of several months ago unfold on our TV screens, and then we get real-time updates on social media.

So while last night’s episode may have ended with a cliffhanger, we know exactly how the Ronnie-Jen situation plays out – in a word, horribly.

Just last week, Ronnie called Jen a “c-m dumpster” in a bizarre Instagram rant in which he also accused her of refusing to delete sex tapes she made with her ex.

Now, Ronnie is rumored to be dating Scheana Marie of Vanderpump Rules, which is likely to result in a bi-coastal mess.

It may be painful to watch at times, but the guidos should be insanely grateful for Ron’s drama, as it allows them to bitch about botched haircuts for comic relief while their boy delivers the fireworks that keep people tuning in.

Watch Jersey Shore online to relive all the years of beach-adjacent madness.

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Jersey Shore: Is Sammi Giancola FINALLY Coming Back?!

Hasn't it been so fun having Jersey Shore back on our televisions?

Well, fun, depressing, mortifying … but still, it's just like old times!

We've seen those beloved guidos and guidettes get wasted, make terrible decisions — seriously, it's like they never left.

But even though it's been very entertaining, there's still been one very big thing missing, and that, of course, is the presence of Sammi Sweetheart.

She's explained at length why she made the decision not to return to the Shore, saying that she's "at a completely different place in my life right now focusing on my businesses and relationship."

She also said that she's "not the same person as I was when I was 22," and that she wanted "to avoid potentially TOXIC SITUATIONS."

After seeing last week's episode, we know she was definitely smart to avoid this mess — more on that in a moment.

But still, it's hard not to have the whole gang together.

However, in a new interview that the current Jersey Shore crew did, it sounds like there's a chance Sammi may make an appearance in the second season of Family Vacation!

When asked if she'd be coming back, Vinny said that "there's always a chance," but Pauly D took it a step further, saying "I can almost bet on that."

He explained his answer, saying that after seeing all the buzz around the new show "she must want to do it, I gotta say. She must have to want to do the second one."

JWoww agreed with him, because "for the simple fact that she will always be a part of us and she'll always be mentioned or brought up, at least capitalize on it, speak your own truth."

"Come in," she continued, "fight us and whatever, or love us, or like be around us. It's kind of sh-tty that she's not taking the opportunity."

Everyone was nodding while she was saying all of this, so it seemed like everyone agreed that she should and probably will come back — everyone but Deena.

She said that she doesn't know that Sammi will come back because they tried to talk her into it when they got the show, but "she's just not into it anymore."

While it would be great to see good ol' Sammi Sweetheart back on Jersey Shore, we have to say that, given what's been developing recently, she absolutely made the right call.

And we're with Deena — it would be really surprising if she did decide to come back for the next season.

As we've seen on the show, Ronnie, Sammi's ex and, let's be real, the main reason she's not interested in filming anything, is still an absolute mess these days.

We saw him cheat on his then-pregnant girlfriend, and we saw him admit that he still has feelings for Sammi.

In a confessional, Deena revealed that he talks about her all the time, and that "Sam told me that he used to call her on blocked numbers, and used to like, be really weird."

She even said that "she was afraid she was gonna get in the house and he would get drunk and spiral and try and get back with her or something."

And besides everything we've seen on the show, he's been having a pretty public meltdown recently, what with his Instagram fights with the mother of his newborn daughter and all that.

If the Ronnie of today feels comfortable threatening to beat his baby mama in an Instagram video, then Sammi is smart to stay far, far away.

Watch the Jersey Shore cast speculate on her return in the video below:

Jersey shore is sammi giancola finally coming back
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Jersey Shore Stars Refuse to Call Out Ronnie: Watch!

The cast of Jersey Shore is a family, we get that.

So it should really come as little surprise that these MTV stars are basically on Team Ronnie Ortiz-Magro when it comes to their friend's ongoing beef with baby mama Jen Harley.

But it was still unfortunate to see Pauly D, Snooki and company essentially stand up for Ronnie in the wake of his explosive and very public fight with Harley this week.

We make such a statement following the appearance of these Jersey Shore stalwarts on The View this week.

"I have to bring up the elephant in the room that Ronnie is not here," Meghan McCain said during her interview with the show's leading men and ladies on Wedneday.

"I'm a big fan of his, he's been very provocative this season," he host continued, adding:

"He's at home with his newborn baby girl, but he made headlines this past few days because he's been publicly fighting with his girlfriend. Obviously you guys are close, how do you feel about this?"

(Editor's Note: Can we stop for a moment and acknowledge how crazy and hilarious it is that Meghan McCain is asking questions about Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, while stating how she's a "big fan of his?")

For those not in the know, Ronnie and Harley, who welcomed a daughter into the world just a month ago, went at it over Instagram last weekend.

They exchanged vicious insults over allegations of sex tape filming and infidelity, with words being tossed back and forth such as "hoe," "cokehead" and "cum dumpster."

It was pretty embarrassing and ridiculous for all involved.

Get caught up here:

"So Ronnie, um…out of respect for him and his family, he's not here, so we don't wanna speak on his behalf," Pauly D replied on behalf of the cast, adding:

"We are one big family, so we love and support each other and everything it is that we do."

This is the answer we'd expect him to give.

But considering there's even footage of Ronnie threatening to beat up Harley, perhaps his friends need to show some tough love and suggest the muscular reality star seek professional help of some kind.

This is the footage to which we're referring:

Pretty nuts, right?

"I want to apologize to my family, friends, and fans," Ronnie has said of his action.

"This is a private matter that should have never been made public. I remain focused on my daughter and she is my number one priority."

Watch the Jersey Shore cast talk about a lot of stuff, Ortiz-Magro included, below:

Jersey shore stars shower ronnie with support for some reason
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Jersey Shore Family Vacation Recap: Ronnie Gets Busted, Goes on World’s Saddest Bender

Back in 2009, Jersey Shore became TV’s ultimate guilty pleasure thanks in large part to the willingness of its twenty-something castmates to put their various organs in harm’s way for our amusement (livers, genitals, irradiated leathery skin).

But will the schtick play as well now that they’re in their thirties and most of them have kids?

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro aims to find out!

If you watched last week’s episode of Jersey Shore Family Vacation, you know that Ronnie made the questionable decision to take a braless Swedish blonde into the bathroom, despite the fact that he has a pregnant girlfriend waiting at home.

(Sadly, his roommates admonitions of “Raaahn, staaahp!” fell on deaf ears.)

Pauly D pulled a move that once would’ve been known as a robbery, but now looks something more like an act of mercy.

Ron and the Swede put on the brakes, but they were well past the point at which his girlfriend would’ve been cool with that transpired.

To his credit, Ron was overcome with guilt, so he dragged his drunk ass to bed and resolved to make things right in the morning.

Just kidding, he stayed up and continued to guzzle Ron-Ron juice with Snooki until it seemed like a good idea to drag their daytime drunk asses out in public.

Ron proceeded to make things even worse by 

“I don’t trust her for shit. I don’t,” he revealed. “So all I can do is act happy and be the best father I can be, and at the end of the day, I’m still f-cking miserable.”

Ronnie adds, “If Jen was not pregnant, I don’t know if I’d be with her,” apparently forgetting in his inebriated state that there’s a camera crew documenting his every word,

(He later jokes about “canceling cable” before the episode airs, a rare occasion in which a reality star actually acknowledges the fact that they’re on a reality show.)

In one of the series’ most darkly hilarious moments to date, Snooki drunkenly accosts some children, while Ronnie, instead of stopping her from traumatizing the poor kids reflects on impending fatherhood.

At that point, he and Snooks finally decide to remove their balloon crowns and go to bed.

Unfortunately, a few hours later, they’re forced to wake up and answer the question: do hangovers and yachts mix?

The answer of course, is hell no, but the two of them fare surprisingly well, considering they were pounding giant fishbowl cocktails in theme restaurants as the breakfast crowd made way for the lunch crowd.

Ronnie’s plight worsens as the day goes on, when his girlfriend refuses to answer his phone calls.

He lets out some aggression by taking a few shots at Mike “The Incarceration” Sorrentino, but for the most part, the rest of the cast sits this episode out.

The strange pacing is a testament to the fact that the guidos’ lives are simply less eventful these days, and as a result, producers are often forced to expand on a single storyline until it fills 60 minutes of screen time.

That’s not necessarily a knock on Family Vacation, so much as its an acknowledgement that its a very different show than the original Jersey Shore.

The good news (we think?) is that Ronnie and Jen welcomed their first child and they’re still very much together.

Hopefully, going forward, he’ll take hs family vacations with his actual family.

Watch Jersey Shore online for more hijinks from our favorite aging UV ray enthusiasts.

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