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Jersey Shore Recap: Vinny vs. Angelina vs. Common Sense

They… are… back!

Well, they were back.

But. technicality aside, the cast of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation returned to Seaside Heights on Thursday night’s new episode of this MTV revival, hunkering back down in their former quarters and, well…

… getting very drunk!

battling vnny

After the group took numerous shots to celebrate their reunion in the Garden State, Snooki spotted a note from Danny. It read:

“Got you some drinks and food. Have a good time. Please don’t trash the house.”

LOL, right? Did he forget to whom he was writing?!?

While getting a family dinner ready, a rather pregnant Deena asked Snooki to make her her “famous grilled cheese.”

No problem. Easy enough.

From there, The Situation insisted on making his favorite Funfetti cake and all seemed perfectly calm when the clique sound down to dine together.

But then Angelina asked if she could make a speech, Vinny jokingly turned her down, a bit of banter ensued — and then things got ugly.

Pivarnick seemingly referred either to her time as a high school classmate’s or Vinny, or to the time the two smushed, when she told the table that she had a “loaded gun” in her “chamber.”

What kind of dirt was she implying she had on her housemate?

“Well, I don’t have a chamber on you because I don’t think about you ever,” Vinny replied.

“Don’t lie! You think about me day, f-cking afternoon and night,” Angelina clapped back

ap

“These two got beef right here,” said The Situation, while Snooki chimed in as follows:

“I am praying that Angelina and Vinny hook up. There is so much sexual tension.”

And this is when Angelina let her bomb drop, screaming at Vinny:

“You know you used to hit me up back in the day and f-cking try to f-ck me! And say you wanted to take me out on a date and f-cking get to know me!”

Oh. That was it?

Yes. But it was enough to cause everyone to lose it.

d pauly

“This is why I hate having this girl here,” Vinny said.

“If you don’t like me, my question to you is, why’d you bang me then? Even if it was a hate bang, you wouldn’t hate bang a girl you didn’t think was attractive,” she hilariously responded.

Is this how folks flirt in Staten Island, Paul D wondered?

Angelina eventually shot up from the table and started chasing Vinny around the house because he called her a “f-ck.”

The argument only escalated when Sitch handed her a ketchup bottle as ammunition and Jenni gave Vin bottles of salad dressing and mustard.

Oh, yes: FOOD FIGHT!

oh, woww

Both Angelina and Vinny ended up covered in condiments when the latter reached for the fire extinguisher. He positively blasted Angelina with it.

“Yo, Danny is not gonna be happy about this,” Mike said amid the obviously planned chaos.

“No!” Snooki yelled back. “We’re like older now! We’re like 30!”

After an awkward exchange with Danny the following day at the T-shirt store, the group got back to the Shore House and Sitch ate his beloved ake.

However, for some werd reason, Angelina dared herself to stick her bare butt in the delicacy. And then she did just that and then she chased the guys around the house.

And that was basically that.

The writers really need to work on some actual storylines, don’t they?

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‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Visits The Situation Day After He Receives Prison Sentence

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s pals from ‘Jersey Shore’ aren’t going to leave him hanging now that he’s been sentenced to hard time. JWoww, Pauly D, Ronnie, Vinnie, Angelina, Deena and Snooki all showed up at Sitch’s apartment in Long Branch, NJ…

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Jersey Shore Recap: Ohhh! Bloody Hell!

Buckle up, readers!

Because on Jersey Shore: Family Vacation last night, one cast members was unbuckled from his seat in the car and prepared to exit…

… when his girlfriend and baby mama sped away and dragged this individual down the road for a long period of time, resulting in a few ugly wounds and an arrest for the violent perpetrator.

Have you figured out the two people involved yet?

They were Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Jen Harley.

Shocking, right?

Following several episodes in which the reality stars went back and forth in vicious fashion – including one confrontation that ended with Jen spitting in Ronnie’s face – this relationship hit it physical and emotional climax on Thursday evening’s installment.

It all started after everyone except Ronnie and Jen headed back to New Jersey.

“I’m a little concerned about leaving Ron,” said a prescient Vinny Guadagnino at one point early on, adding of Ronnie and his custody battle with Jen:

“We did our best setting him up with the tools that he needed to succeed. He has a lawyer now, so he has a good support system around him. We can just hope for the best.”

Alas, the worst transpired.

jen/ronnie

As previously detailed on The Hollywood Gossip, Jen was arrested back on June 24 and charged with domestic battery.

According to various reports, she and Ronnie got into an argument in the car on the way home from a barbecue.

Just as Ronnie was attempting to exit the passenger seat and extricate himself from the situation… Harley reportedly stepped on the gas and actually dragged him down the road for at least several feet.

(The couple’s infant daughter, naturally, was in the backseat at the time.)

Harley was booked on a charge of domestic battery at the time — and here is her mug shot:

The actual footage of this incident was unavailable, of course.

We never saw any of it play out.

But we did see the reaction of the Jersey Shore cast to this crazy situation.

“The relationship is toxic,” Vinny said. “It’s insane staying in it.”

“Homeboy is destroyed right now,” JWOWW said. “He texted me yesterday [saying] he’s at urgent care.”

“Literally, flesh was coming out of his arm. It was not okay,” said Snooki, while Deena added that Ronnie’s face was “all f-cked up.”

Once the cast members reunited at the house in Jersey, Ronnie FaceTimed in from Las Vegas with his arm in a sling.

He was scheduled to spend time with them back East, but all agreed that he was probably best served to just chill by himself and focus on his own effed up life for awhile.

“He just needs to sit this one out, work on himself,” Vinny said. “Hopefully, this was a huge wake-up call for him and he can just figure it out on his own.”

“I love, love, love Ron,” Jenni added. “It’s just like, one of those crazy cousins or brothers or sisters that you have that you wish just made better life choices.”

Tragically, however, it doesn’t appear as if Ronnie took any of this advice.

Despite the arrest… despite the arm in a sling… despite the lost flesh… he and Harley are back together.

Altogether now: SIGH.

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Jersey Shore Recap: A Bromance for the Ages

Jersey Shore: Family has been all about relationships on Season 2.

We’ve watched as Ronnie and Jen Harley have screamed and yelled at each other, with fists and saliva occasionally flying back and forth between the parents of poor little Ariana.

Jersey Shore Family Vacation

We’ve also been present when JWOWW filed to divorce Roger Matthews and when she had a major falling out with the other love in her life, Snooki.

But all this focus on affection and romance still didn’t prepare us for Thursday night’s finale…

… on which Pauly D and Vinnie got married!

Yes, MARRIED!

For real! Sort of!

Last week, of course, the men sent the ladies off to the airport under the assumption they were right behind them. But they lied. And stayed behind to fit in one more “guys night,” making the absolute most of their testosterone-fueled time together.

In a manner of speaking.

At one point early on, Pauly D popped the question of a lifetime to Vinny Guadagnino, making a mockey of the entire concept of marriage and asking for his hand in this blessed union.

He said yes, and the two headed to a local chapel to make their bromance nice and legal.

Mike and Ronnie attended Pauly and Vin’s brommitment ceremony, with The Situation holding the cake and, naturally, eating most of it while the vows were exchanged.

From there, Pauly placed a gold band on Vinny’s finger, although the new husband wasn’t thrilled over the rather plain looking ring.

“The guy is covered in diamonds,” he told the camera. “Like, you could’ve given me a little bit of ice. C’mon!”

This was their first fight as newlyweds.

Of course, the real point of this supposed wedding was to given the fellas a reason to party on The Strip one final time.

And to say things such as this, courtesy of The Situation:

“Right now, it is madness. I feel like I’m in The Matrix right now, dodging all the thotties.”

“I feel like I’m at one of Pauly’s gigs,” added Ronnie. “This whole cabana is DTF!”

And Vinnie: “They say it’s the thought that counts, but right now, I’m counting thots.”

On a more serious note, meanwhile, Ronnie chose to stock his house with all-new baby supplies for his infant daughter, following a heated altercation with her mom. Yet again.

“With everything being so crazy with Jen and the baby, I think that me and Jen need to work on ourselves separately,” he explained, adding:

“I’m just in the mindset of not really thinking about me and Jen, I’m just thinking about the baby.

“Jen just moved into the other house and she has all the baby stuff, and I want Ariana to have everything that she needs, the basics.”

Enlisting the assistance of his male pals, Ronne proceeded to go on a major diaper and car seat run.

“I’m very proud of Ron,” said Mike. “He’s taking steps to address some of the life situations that he’s facing. He’s really going through it. His life is, unfortunately, similar to a dumpster fire.”

Is Ronnie really a changed man?

Does he really have a renewed focus on his job as a parent?

We’ll see on Season 3 of Family Vacation, as well as on the Internet over the next few months.

But it sounds promising so far.

“I could sit around and be miserable and mopey, but what does that solve?” he said at one point, concluding:

“All that’s doing is breaking me down more and killing me inside when I’m supposed to be becoming a better person and a better father for my daughter…

“When I do get Ariana and she starts spending time with me, I want her to have everything that she needs.”

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