Johnny Depp: Amber Heard Beat the Sh-t Out of Me!

When Johnny Depp and Amber Heard finalized their divorce back in January of 2017, the actors signed a nondisclosure agreement that prevented them from speaking to the press about their marriage.

Sources say both parties considered it the best path forward, as it would enable them to focus on their careers and avoid public conjecture about their personal lives.

But unquestionably, no one benefited as much from the arrangement as Depp.

Heard had accused Depp of abuse, and photos of the injuries she allegedly sustained at his hands stunned the internet.

In the current climate of Hollywood, it seems very likely that if we knew all of the details of Depp’s behavior toward Heard in the final months of their marriage, he would never work again.

And that’s a large part of why those details were supposed to be forever buried by that NDA.

Which is why it’s so bizarre that Depp continues to make counter-claims against Heard, thus dragging the whole messy situation back out into the open.

Back in June, he hinted at being unfairly denigrated by Heard in a bizarre, rambling Rolling Stone interview.

And this week, Depp spoke with British GQ and claimed it’s not possible that he could have been physically abusive toward Heard, as he’s not that “dumb.”

“To harm someone you love? As a kind of bully? No, it didn’t, it couldn’t even sound like me,” Depp told the magazine.

Lawyers for Heard promptly issued a statement accusing Depp of continued psychological abuse:

“Mr. Depp is shamefully continuing his psychological abuse of Ms. Heard, who has attempted to put a very painful part of her life firmly in her past,” their statement reads.

“One need only look at the physical evidence to draw the proper conclusion.”

Depp’s attorneys quickly shot back with a statement of their own, claiming that they’ll soon reveal in a London courtroom that Heard was violent toward Depp on multiple occasions:

“In UK court proceedings next month, we will be submitting clear evidence of the violence committed serially against him by Ms. Heard and the serious injuries that he suffered,” Depp’s lawyer Adam Waldman said in a statement released on Wednesday night.

“We will also submit overwhelming evidence that Ms. Heard faked the abuse allegations against Mr. Depp.”

This is not the first time that Depp has claimed he was physically abused by Heard.

The actor previously claimed Heard punched him in the face in front of multiple witnesses after flying into a rage because he was late to a party.

He also says Heard defecated on his bed as an act of revenge.

Again, we’re baffled as to why Johnny would air all this dirty laundry in public.

But we’re guessing those closest to both Depp and Heard wish they would simply cut ties with one another for good.


Johnny Depp: There’s No Way I Could Have Abused Amber Heard!

There was a time — not all that long ago, in fact — when people actually looked forward to the promotional tours that preceded the release of Johnny Depp’s big-budget studio films.

Depp was Hollywood’s most charming oddball, and fans loved the idea of the notoriously press-shy actor being lured away from much cooler pursuits — presumably smoking opium with Keith Richards or something — to provide a sharp contrast to the sunny demeanor of some bubbly morning show host.

But a whole lot has changed since the days when Depp used to mumble his way through pre-taped interviews with Matt Lauer.

And needless to say, it’s all been bad.

Over the past few years, the once-beloved actor’s reputation has taken one hit after another.

Last year, Depp sued his management team, and the bizarre court battle that ensued painted a picture of a drug-addled egomaniac who’s prone to bullying and endangering the less powerful for the sake of his own amusement.

In June, Rolling Stone published an interview with Depp that seemed to confirm suspicions that years of heavy substance abuse and a number of toxic personality traits had caused the 55-year-old to transform into a sort of sad self-parody.

But nothing did more damage to Depp’s public image than his ugly divorce from Amber Heard.

Heard accused Depp of savagely beating her, and secretly recorded video (below) showed a heavily-intoxicated Depp berating his then-wife.

Most actors would have embarked on an apology tour after something like that, but Depp maintained his innocence, and in a shocking new interview with British GQ, he’s doubling down and once again claiming that Heard is the real bully:

Asked point-blank if he ever hit abused Heard, Depp had this to say:

“To harm someone you love? As a kind of bully? No, it didn’t, it couldn’t even sound like me.

“So, initially, I just kept my mouth shut, you know? I knew it was going to stick on me and it would get weirder. Keep going, you know? Go nuts. I ain’t going to get into a pissing contest with someone about it.

“Spit out what you need to spit out and, you know, my attorneys will take care of the rest. I never went out and spoke about the sh-t.”

Yes, it seems that in the classic fashion of Hollywood egomaniacs throughout history, Depp believed his attorneys would make the whole mess go away.

He went on to offer up one of those “well, why didn’t she report it sooner?” arguments that we’ve been hearing entirely too much of lately:

“Why didn’t that person speak to the police? I mean, they spoke to the police, but the police saw nothing and they offered her an emergency medical technician,” Depp said.

“She said no. Police see nothing on her. Police see nothing broken in the place, no marks, and then they offer her an EMT to have a look at her and she says no and I don’t know if it was the next day or a couple of days later, but then there was a bruise,” he added.

“There was a red mark and then there was a brown bruise…. She was at a party the next day. Her eye wasn’t closed. She had her hair over her eye, but you could see the eye wasn’t shut.”

Depp concluded his comments on Heard by stating that it would be “stupid” to hit her, and adding:

“I might look stupid, but I ain’t f–king stupid.”

We’re not sure about that, Johnny … you’re certainly sounding awfully stupid these days.


Johnny Rodriguez: Meet Briana DeJesus’ New Boyfriend!

Briana DeJesus has had a bit of a roller coaster year.

So we suppose it's fitting that she's decided to introduce her new boyfriend to the world with a photo taken at a theme park.

Yes, Briana has moved on from Javi Marroquin with an NYC native named Johnny Rodriguez.

And based on their social media comments, Bri's legion of loyal fans are almost as excited about this new romance as she is …

1. Briana and Johnny

Briana dejesus and johnny rodriguez
Bri introduced her new man to the world by posting this loved-up pic on her Instagram page.

2. Head Over Heels

Briana dejesus and lollipop
“My sweet love, thank you for shining your light into the darkness that was surrounding me,” Bri captioned the pic.

3. Still Bri

Briana dejesus instagram
Exhibiting her signature irreverent humor, Dejesus added, “#wealmostdiedonthatridetho lol”

4. Playing Coy

Briana dejesus a selfie
At first, there was a fair bit of mystery surrounding the identity of Bri’s man — after all, she didn’t even provide his name in the original post.

5. Slowly Spilling the Tea

Briana dejesus look at me
Fortunately, Briana decided to open up about her mystery man in a newly-published interview with Radar Online.

6. Here’s Johnny

Briana de jesus pic
“It’s nothing crazy and it’s relatively new,” Briana said after revealing Rodriguez’s name to her deeply curious fan base.

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Johnny Bananas-Hannah Teter Sex Tape Leaks Online

Former reality star John Devenanzio — better known as Johnny Bananas — got his start on The Real World: Key West way back in 2006.

But while his castmates faded into obscurity, Bananas has stubbornly clung to his last shred of fame, and amazingly, he’s actually managed to hold onto a modicum of relevance.

Johnny Bananas

He still appears on new seasons of The Challenge, but at 44, Johnny’s drama is starting to seem increasingly absurd, and it’s anyone’s guess as to how much longer he’ll be a draw for MTV’s increasingly youthful audience.

So perhaps it should come as no surprise that J-Nanners has officially entered the sex tape phase of his career.

According to The Ashley’s Reality Roundup, Johnny stars — alongside his ex-girlfriend, Olympic snowboarder Hannah Teter — in a very explicit video posted today on the uber-oddly-named porn site Celeb Jihad.

As though having your most intimate moments plastered all over the internet isn’t degrading enough, Mr. Bananas’ banana doesn’t even receive top billing.

In fact, the site doesn’t mention Johnny at all, and is instead promoting its new “Hannah Teter Sex Tape.”

A teaser posted by Celeb Jihad reads as follows:

“Olympic gold medal winning snowboarder Hannah Teter appears to have just had the sex tape video and nude photos below leaked online.”

As you can see, that sentence has the vague taint of having been run through a translator until it sounded like something written by a red-blooded American perv, and not some Moscow-based bot that’s become sentient and grown weary of posting the same fake news stories day after day.

This doesn’t appear to be a case in which either party had any previous knowledge that the tape would be leaked.

In fact, according to The Ashley, Johnny was in the middle of a live interview with People magazine at the time the footage went public.

As is so often the case with this sort of thing, Twitter quickly went bonkers as word of the explicit video went viral.

Bananas and Teter have yet to comment on the release themselves, but we’re guessing they’re both feeling a bit exposed today.