Tila Tequila: Paris Hilton Killed My Fiancee & I’m Possessed By Satan

Hey, things got pretty crazy this week, didn't they, America?

It's times like this that we need the genuine batsh-t insanity of someone like Tila Tequila to remind us that things could always be marginally worse.

As some of our older readers may recall, Ms. Tequila was a popular figure on MySpace, which was an arcane rune-based communications system popular among early homonids in the days before 

The site died an ugly, premature death after overdosing on the milliojns of HTML customizations and Fall Out Boy videos everyone crammed into their personal pages, but Tila's notoriety has survived.

The reason for this is that she's hands down the craziest celebrity on the planet.

You're probably asking yourself, how could she be crazier than Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Donald John Trump?

To which we say, believe it or not, Tila wins that contest by a mile.

We could rattle off a decade's worth of bizarre incidents as proof — such as the time she claimed to have evidence that Michelle Obama is secretly a man, or the many times she insisted she's some sort of alien Nazi.

Instead we'll just share this video in which Tila casually explains that she was possessed for several years and Paris Hilton murdered her fiancee.

"So back in 2012 I was in Hollywood and I was in the world of Satan. I was possessed by Satan. Hollywood is a platform built by Satan," Tila tells the camera.

"They kept sending me to doctors to overdose me and kill me."

From there Tila goes on to describe how the death of her fiancee Casey Johnson was the result of a Satanic ritual orchestrated by Paris and Nicki Hilton.

“Paris and Nicky Hilton sacrificed Casey while I was in Texas. All of the demonic chicks like Courtenay Semel, Jasmine Lennard, The Hilton sisters went against me because they were the one who sacrificed her," Tequila says.

"She told me all of their secrets and then they tried to sacrifice me.”

From there, the ladies busted out some Xans and eight balls, because apparently that's customary following a ritual sacrifice.

"I was disgusted," Tila says "So I took two Xanax bars and did two 8 balls of cocaine. Satan had me so on drugs.”

Check out the whole 40-minute (!!!) video for more insanity.

Hopefully, it's the first episode of a new talk show entitlted It's the Tequila Talking!

Tila tequila paris hilton killed my fiancee and im possessed by

Niece of Tamera Mowry & Adam Housley Killed In Thousand Oaks Shooting

Last night, Americans watched in horror as the death toll climbed following reports of a mass shooting at a bar in Thousand Oaks, California.

Today, the numbers are in, and once again, a nation is left reeling in the wake of a tragic scene that’s become all too familiar in recent years.

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13 lives were lost last night, including the shooter’s, and for the 307th time this year, the families of American mass shooting victims are grieving for their loved ones.

Among the mourning are actress Tamera Mowry and her husband, former Fox News reporter Adam Housley.

Tamera and Adam’s niece Alaina Housley was among those killed when Ian David Long opened fire during college night at the Borderline bar.

She was just 18 years old.

“Our hearts are broken,” the couple said in a statement released by their publicist this afternoon.

“We just learned that our niece Alaina was one of the victims of last night’s shooting at Borderline bar in Thousand Oaks.”

This morning, Mowry revealed that her niece was missing following the shooting.

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Alaina’s iPhone revealed her location as inside the bar at the time of the attack.

On Twitter, Mowry contacted Alaina’s roommate who had also been in the club, but escaped unharmed.

“This is her aunt Tamera Mowry Housley. Can you please DM me your information?” the actress wrote.

Mowry Tweet

The roommate confirmed that the other girls living in her dorm suite had returned home safely, but Alaina’s whereabouts remained unknown.

Adam Housley canvassed the area in search of his niece, but was not permitted inside the nearest hospital due to a police lockdown.

“Please pray if you believe….pray,” he tweeted.

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“My niece. A beautiful soul. … Staying positive and praying and hoping and wishing there was more I could do.”

Speaking with a local newspaper, Housley made a grim prediction that sadly turned out to be accurate:

“My gut is saying she’s inside the bar, dead,” he told the paper. “I’m hoping I’m wrong.”

Our thoughts go out Alaina’s family and all those who lost loved ones in Wednesday night’s shooting.


The Conners Cast: Roseanne Deserved to Be Killed Off!

If you watched the series premiere of The Conners Tuesday night (for now, we’ll table the debate about whether this really qualifies as a new series), then you know the show wasted no time in addressing the absence of its former title character.

As many predicted, Roseanne Conner died of an opioid overdose, a decision the sitcom’s writers and producers made in response to the real-world actions of the woman who created and portrayed her.

Back in May, Roseanne Barr’s offensive tweet about former Obama staffer Valerie Jarrett prompted the swift cancellation of her eponymous show.

Just weeks later, however, ABC announced a Roseanne spinoff, which would focus on John Goodman and Laurie Metcalfe’s characters, as well as the Conners’ three adult children.

(The absence of a long-forgotten fourth Conner kid — born at the tail-end of the original series’ run — was explained away in Roseanne’s revival season.)

The question of how to dispatch with one of the most iconic sitcom characters of the past 30 years was no doubt a difficult one for the show’s writers to grapple with.

Fortunately, the final episodes that featured Barr offered the opportunity for a poignant resolution.

In keeping with Roseanne’s tradition of addressing the taboo topics faced by working-class Americans, Barr’s character struggled with an opioid addiction last season.

So when the time came to kill her off, an overdose seemed like the most obvious solution, both for the sake of continuity and for the chance to grapple with the kind of tragedy that’s affecting more and more Americans each year.

While the debut episode of The Conners saw a dip in ratings, it was well received by critics.

Predictably, however, the real Roseanne took to Twitter to denounce the decision to kill her character as “disrespectful,” at one point railing:

“I ain’t dead yet, bitches!”

On Wednesday, two of the actors who portray Roseanne’s children — Lecy Goranson and Michael Fishman — appeared on Good Morning America to discuss the obvious anger of their TV mom:

“We really miss Roseanne and love her very much, you know and her spirit is still very much with us, so we understand that she’s hurting right now and she’s in pain and she’s always with us,” said Goranson.

“Hopefully, we can see her and kind of remedy some of this at some point in time, I hope.”

“The tone of the way she passed away was related to last season, and I think you listen to our producers, they really wanted to take a real crisis that’s happening in our country and find a way to give voice to that,” added Fishman.

“I know that the reaction to that is going to be different to different people, but what we’ve always tried to do is tackle big topics and try to be honest about them.”

It remains to be seen if audiences will warm up to The Conners the same way they embraced the revival of Roseanne.

But whatever the case, you can bet Lanford, Illinois’ most famous mom will not be tuning in.


Taylor Swift Sends New Message About Voting, Prepares to Be Killed by Republicans

There may now be bad blood between Taylor Swift and many Republicans, but the singer knew there would be trouble as soon as she posted to Instagram last week.

Nevertheless, she came out of the non-political woods and sent a message to young voters who think that a change in the direction of the country can only happen in their wildest dreams.

Yes, she received backlash.

But Swift has clearly shaken it off and is now prepared to receive any more.

This is all a long-winded way of saying that the artist shared two new photos on Instagram today, along with a very important caption affixed to each.

“Something I wish I knew about when I was 18 and voting for the first time: EARLY VOTING,” Swift wrote along the images above and below.

She added:

“It makes it so quick and easy to go and cast your vote before November 6. Early voting starts TODAY in Tennessee and goes to Nov 1.”

Taylor even included with these words a link to a page that offers information on early voting across the country.

Taylor Swift toes

Swift, of course, remained notoriously quiet about her political affiliations and preferences during the 2016 Presidential Election between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

She came under an unusual amount of fire for this indecision as well.

Apparently inspired to put an end to the misogyny/insanity/racism/total and complete chaos under the Donald Trump administration, however, Wfit stunned the world several days ago when she posted an endorsement of two Democrats in Tennessee on her social media page.

This is what Swift wrote at the time:

I’m writing this post about the upcoming midterm elections on November 6th, in which I’ll be voting in the state of Tennessee.

In the past I’ve been reluctant to publicly voice my political opinions, but due to several events in my life and in the world in the past two years, I feel very differently about that now.

I always have and always will cast my vote based on which candidate will protect and fight for the human rights I believe we all deserve in this country. I believe in the fight for LGBTQ rights, and that any form of discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender is WRONG. I believe that the systemic racism we still see in this country towards people of color is terrifying, sickening and prevalent

I cannot vote for someone who will not be willing to fight for dignity for ALL Americans, no matter their skin color, gender or who they love. Running for Senate in the state of Tennessee is a woman named Marsha Blackburn.

As much as I have in the past and would like to continue voting for women in office, I cannot support Marsha Blackburn. Her voting record in Congress appalls and terrifies me.

She voted against equal pay for women. She voted against the Reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, which attempts to protect women from domestic violence, stalking, and date rape.

She believes businesses have a right to refuse service to gay couples. She also believes they should not have the right to marry.

These are not MY Tennessee values. I will be voting for Phil Bredesen for Senate and Jim Cooper for House of Representatives.

Please, please educate yourself on the candidates running in your state and vote based on who most closely represents your values.

For a lot of us, we may never find a candidate or party with whom we agree 100% on every issue, but we have to vote anyway

In response to Taylor’s unexpected foray into the world of politics, thousands and thousands of people registered to vote.

Despite endlessly promoting and bragging about Kanye West’s love of President Trump, however, Republicans for some reason decided to slam Swift for expressing her view.

They dismissed her as an out-of-touch and ignorant musician who is rich and famous and who therefore cannot relate to the common voter in any way, shape or form.

This is what Trump himself said about the pop star:

But Swift appears to be undeterred.

As she accepted the artist of the year trophy at the American Music Awards last week, Swift again reminded her fans to vote.

“I just wanna say to the fans … you have been so nice to me and fun, and you’re so funny and you’re so cool and so loyal,” she said om stage, adding:

“Every time that you have made me lucky enough to ever get to stand on a stage and have something really sparkly in my hands … it means something different.

“This time, I just want you to know it means encouragement … for me to be better, work harder and to make you guys proud as much as I possibly can.

“This award and every single award given out tonight were voted on by the people, and you know what else is voted on by the people is the midterm elections on Nov. 6.

“Get out and vote. I love you guys!


The Connors Premiere: How They Killed Off Roseanne

In May of this year, Roseanne Barr's outspoken racism got her fired from her own show.

Fortunately, the rest of the cast, crew, and production team were saved when ABC confirmed a Roseanne spinoff, The Connors.

As you can see in this clip from The Connors premiere, they killed off Roseanne's character. Here's how:

The connors premiere screencap 01

On Tuesday, October 16, The Connors premiered.

There, viewers learned that Roseanne — the character — has died.

At first, the Connors simply believed that her cause of death had been a heart attack. That is the simplest way to kill off a character of her age.

She fell victim, writers and producers decided, to an opioid overdose.

As the family grieves, they remark on odd things that anyone who's lost an immediate family member has noted — like the custom of bringing food to those who are in mourning.

(Note that while Roseanne may have died, that cringey laugh track remains)

Roseanne flips out

Obviously, no actual Roseannes were harmed during the filming of this episode.

Dan — John Goodman's character — was particularly upset to learn that she had died of an overdose.

He had personally flushed her pain pills following her knee surgery, fearing that they might be misused or fall into the wrong hand.

In his quest to find someone to blame, he targeted the woman whose name was on the pill bottle.

But he learned that it wasn't so simple — Roseanne had stashed pill bottles from multiple sources all over the house.

John goodman on the connors

Beyond this, the episode covered the Connor family trying to figure out how to exist with their new normal.

Part of that simply meant performing tasks that Roseanne herself used to do.

Dan assumed the role of someone to whom people come to talk, so it was to Dan that Mark came out as gay.

(Dan did a good job, saying that he just wished that Mark had felt comfortable telling him sooner)

In the mean time, Jackie spends the entire time trying to fill in for Roseanne around the house, but it's really because she's not prepared to say goodbye to her late friend.

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The episode ends with the family sitting around the table.

There isn't the usual laughter, but they're all happy.

It is also revealed that Dan has been sleeping on the couch since Roseanne's overdose, but he finally returns to his bed.

Honestly, that's a very realistic struggle for people who are grieving.

And grappling with an unexpected opioid overdose is an all too real struggle for Americans.

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The Connors' premiere ratings were reportedly steady with the finale of Roseanne.

(And that's an incomplete sample of viewers — think of how many people have yet to watch the episode on their DVRs)

Some reviewers went ahead and wrote that The Connors is exactly the sort of revival that ABC should have aired last year.

This show, many viewers agree, has more of the spirit of the original series.

Too much of that lone revival season of Roseanne felt like a betrayal of what the show had always represented.

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In the end, plenty of people who would never have tuned in to the Roseanne revival would happily watch The Connors.

Similarly, plenty of people who watched the Roseanne revival because they wanted to cheer on a fellow Trump supporter are boycotting this series.

So far, it appears that the ratings are evening out. We hope that they remain strong.

When Roseanne was canceled, it left hundreds of people suddenly without jobs — people who hadn't been looking for a new production job because Season 2 was already a sure thing.

If nothing else, we're glad that The Connors is keeping those people employed for another television cycle. And perhaps, for many more.

The connor premiere how they killed off roseanne

Antonio Brown Nearly Killed Toddler In Furniture Smashing Rage, Lawsuit Claims

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