Jimmy Garoppolo Likes Beer & Debauchery (And There’s Nothing Wrong with That)

Turns out … Jimmy Garoppolo’s a bro. Now that Tom Brady’s former backup is in the news for being traded to the 49ers … someone sent us some footage of Jimmy partying during St. Patrick’s Day — and guess what? Bro’s gonna bro. Jimmy G. rolled…


Farrah Abraham: Fired from Teen Mom Because No One Likes Her?!

Farrah Abraham is currently on one hell of a downward spiral.

Really, it’s hard to tell when the spiral started, since being a mess is kind of Farrah’s whole deal, but things have been way, way worse lately.

In addition to her trademark word salad and her unwillingness to be civil to any other human being ever, she’s been embracing her porn star side again lately in a mighty big way.

She’s been getting laser treatments done on her vagina and documenting those treatments for us all to see, which has been … well, it’s not been all that great.

She’s also been doing some live streams with a company called Cam Soda — special little videos in which she masturbates on the internet.

Actually, she just did one of those videos. She was all set up to do a special Halloween one last night, but instead of doing anal like she promised, she just wore some lingerie and ranted about MTV.

Because, as she revealed, MTV fired her from Teen Mom OG yesterday.

In a big ol’ rant on Instagram, Farrah accused MTV of exploiting her and her daughter, Sophia, on the show, but said they “let me go because as a Business Mogul I act like an adult and take part in adult promotions and activities that other adults do for FREE or in private!”

She claims that when they fired her, they told her that her “brands press out shines the Teen mom Viacom press,” which means something to her, we’re sure.

“Sad such a phenomenal show will no longer have its biggest talent on the show because of women hating, sex shaming, hate crimes, selfish, Weinstein company power trip behaviors against a professional hard working, honest mother,” she wrote.

Farrah also said that she’s “proud of myself not giving in to be sex shamed by Viacom network,” which is interesting.

That part sort of makes it sound like she was issued an ultimatum: do Teen Mom or do the cam girl stuff, but not both.

If that’s true, then there’s a small chance she didn’t actually get fired, since she didn’t really do anything but rant on last night’s live stream.

Seriously, she didn’t do anything — the company is having to refund viewers who, for whatever reason, paid to see Farrah masturbate.

Back in her rant, Farrah wrote “Cheers to basically winning against hurtful disgusting executives who do way more in their personal lives then what I could ever be judged for.”

“I will never be broken by hateful wrong people and if everyone else is brain washed, on drugs, pills, scheming thinking their at the top of their power trips I WISH to always be apart.”

She announced that “I give this chapter of my life to GOD & all of his glory & to justice in court. If God’s for you who dare be against you.”

Sound logic.

Based on everything that Farrah has said about what happened yesterday, she’s pretty clear: MTV fired her because of the live streams and the sex toys and all of her various ties to the adult industry.

But according to a new report from The Ashley’s Reality Roundup, that’s not exactly the whole story.

It’s part of the story, of course — a source says that “Basically, they could explain away the first time” she did porn, “when she did her ‘Backdoor’ tape because it was made and released while the show was on hiatus.”

“They brought her back on for OG because they could explain away that young people make mistakes sometimes, but now that she is back in the adult industry again, they can’t use that excuse anymore.”

“Another factor,” however, “is that an overwhelmingly large portion of the viewing audience simply does not like Farrah, and not just because of the adult stuff.”

“They are not losing one of the more popular girls.”

Ain’t that the truth?

Farrah is, without a doubt, the most hated of any of the moms.

We saw Amber Portwood beat her boyfriend on the show, and we saw Jenelle Evans high on heroin, but nobody inspires hatred quite like Farrah.

The hatred isn’t limited to fans either, if you can believe it.

“She creates a miserable filming experience for everyone involved on her crew,” another source says.

“Several former crew members have actually refused to film with Farrah, so it’s just not worth the drama and backlash for everyone involved with the show anymore.”

As strange as it sounds, it just might be true.

Unlike her fellow Teen Mom hot messes, Farrah’s segments on the show aren’t really all that interesting anymore. We know she’s going to yell at someone, we know she’s not going to make any sense.

She doesn’t cause controversy so much as she just causes annoyance.

How do you feel about Farrah’s firing?


Ted Cruz “Likes” Incest Porn on Twitter; Internet Has a Field Day

If you’ve followed the career of Ted Cruz, you know that the Texas senator is a hard-line conservative who might also be the Zodiac Killer.

Cruz is nothing if not passionate about his work, but legislating away the right of poor people to exist and sending encoded descriptions of your latest murder to Bay Area media outlets can take a toll on even the most dilligent weasel demon.

So it’s not surprising that the Cruz Man decided to unwind with a little bizarrely specific fetish porn last night.

It is surprising, however, that he felt the need to broadcast his preferences on Twitter.

Yes, Ted pulled a Weiner in more ways than one, unintentionally (we hope) sharing a very NSFW video clip with his 3 million followers.

Cruz “liked” the clip late Monday night, and it was gone by Tuesday morning, but not before spending a surprisingly long period of time at the top Senator Cruz’s timeline.

Obviously, it’s possible the clip was shared by a Cruz staff member, but of course we prefer to think that the senator personally enjoyed the two-minute depiction of an incestuous threesome so much that he simply had to share his rave review with the world.

If you’ve spent any time amongst the more quick-witted denizens of Twitter, then you won’t be surprised to learn that the jokes flew fast and furious in the minutes after the world learned more than it ever wanted to know about Ted Cruz’s spank material.

But there’s one man who wasn’t the least bit surprised by the news that Texas Teddy enjoys manipulating his pole.

Craig Mazin was Cruz’s roommate at Princeton, and the screenwriter was mining his former bunk buddy’s masturbatory habits for comedic gold long before the rest of us were forced to imagine Ted “handling his delegates.”

“Now imagine Ted Cruz is doing this four feet below you in the bottom bunk bed. Yes, my misery very much appreciates your company,” Mazin tweeted last night.

Having waited for this day for nearly thirty years, Mazin obviously didn’t stop there:

“Sadly, the fact that Ted Cruz jacks off to mediocre porn spam is the most human thing we can say about him. This is actually his high point,” he added.

With no fear of putting too fine a point on it, Mazin continued:

“I never wanted this for any of you. I thought maybe I’d feel better if two or three people knew. Not six billion. That said? I FEEL BETTER.”

Hopefully, someone in Cruz’s office is coating the senator in a healing salve to soothe his savage burns … and hopefully Ted’s not getting off on it.

We live in an age in which the media cycle operates at such a breakneck speed that a man who boasted of grabbing women “by the p-ssy” was elected president just a few weeks after his admission of sexual assault went public.

So in all likelihood, this will all be forgotten by the time Cruz launches his inevitable 2020 presidential campaign.

But don’t worry – Ted will inevitavly trip over his own dong many times between now and then.

It’s important to remember that this isn’t the first Ted Cruz sex scandal.

Hell, it’s not even the second Ted Cruz sex scandal.

This is a guy so prone to self-sabotage that he maintained his connection to Josh Duggar after the world learned Duggar had molested four of his sisters.

And don’t get us started on all those grisly murders Cruz committed in San Francisco in the ’70s!