Eminem Drops Surprise Album; Internet Loses Its Mind

Guess who’s back. Back Again. Shady’s back.

Tell … well, actually you don’t need to tell anyone, because apparently, every single person on Twitter found out about Eminem’s new album while you were sleeping last night.

Yes, just four months after the release of his twelfth release, Revival, Eminem is back with another full-length album.

The rapper announced the surprise project at midnight on Friday with a tweet reading simply:

“Tried not 2 overthink this 1… enjoy.”

And with that Kamikaze was released unto the world, and the reaction from fans to everything from the album’s Beastie Boys-inspired cover art to its byzantine wordplay has been downright rapturous.

The 13-track collection comes on the heels of the prolific period in Eminem’s career.

He first announced his return to the hip-hop scene back in … with a blistering freestyle attacking Donald Trump that debuted at the BET Awards.

On Kamikaze, Em addresses the controversy over those verses and reveals that he was the subject of a Secret Sewrvice investigation:

“Sent the Secret Service to meet in person / To see if I really think of hurtin’ him / Or ask if I’m linked to terrorists,” he raps at tone point.

While Mr. Mathers was brutal in his initial assessment of Trump supporters, he now says he’s more likely to view them as victims, rather than villains:

“I empathize with the people this evil serpent sold the dream to that he’s deserted,” he raps.

Other targets who incur Em’s famous wrath over the course of the album include various “Lil” rappers (Xan, Pump, Yachty, et. al.) 

The legendary emcee really brings the knives out when addressing feuds with Tyler, the Creator, Machine Gun Kelly and Joe Budden.

“I see why you called yourself a faggot, bitch,” Em says of Tyler, a line that’s sure to attract some serious criticism.

Elsewhere on the album, Slim Shady admits that he was unhappy with the lukewarm critical reception that greeted his last album.

Many fans see this new release as a sort of do-over, an attempt to make things right with fans who may have been disappointed by Revival.

Whatever the case, Em has proven that he’s still one of the most dynamic forces in hip-hop, becoming a worldwide trending topic on Twitter just minutes after releasing his latest.


Laura Lee: Beauty Guru Loses Sponsorships Over Racist Tweets

Are you familiar with Laura Lee?

If not, then you just need to know that she’s a YouTuber known for doing makeup reviews and tutorials, and she also has her own makeup line.

Laura Lee

And she’s in a whole, whole bunch of hot water right now.

To give a little bit of background, Laura was recently on a trip with some other beauty gurus, and they all posed for a photo together with their middle fingers up.

The person who shared the photo on Twitter captioned it “Bitch is bitter because without him, we’re better.”

Most people took it as a dig at Jeffree Star, a former friend of all the people in the photo, including Laura.

But the thing is that Jeffree’s fanbase is really, really intense, so even though none of those people went after him directly, his fans still took it upon themselves to dig up any dirt they could on them.

Laura Lee photo

They succeeded.

Some screenshots of tweets that Laura made several years ago have been going around, and they’re pretty awful.

And by “pretty awful,” we mean super racist.

“Tip for all black people,” one of the tweets reads, “if you pull ur pants up you can run from the police faster.. #yourwelcome.”

In another, she wrote “Ni**as in Paris? Whaaaaat I thought they couldn’t afford to leave Compton! LOL!”

Laura Lee selfie

In one last tweet, just in case you weren’t disgusted enough, she asked “How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes!”

If you can even believe it, she actually added “#dumbgook” to the end of that one.

Because she is garbage.

When it became clear that her old tweets were becoming a big deal, Laura deactivated her Twitter, then came back after deleting several tweets.

She also posted a lengthy apology, explaining that “the girl who tweeted that isn’t who I am today.”

Laura Lee picture

Her story was that she’s just “a small town girl from Alabama” so she didn’t know any better, but she was 24 years old when she wrote all of those tweets.

Most 24 year olds, even ones from small towns in Alabama, understand racism.

Laura also said in her apology that she planned on “getting involved with foundations that focus on educating the importance of equality and social justice.”

To wrap things up, she said that she hoped she’d be able to earn her fans’ respect back.

Laura Lee pic

It did not work out like that.

Her followers weren’t happy with the apology because it didn’t feel sincere, and also how dumb is it that she tried to act like she didn’t know any better because she’s from the south?

So Laura took a few days and then posted an apology video on her YouTube account.

And it is insane:

It doesn’t really matter what she said, because it’s mostly the same stuff she said in her written apology — that she’s way sorry and she’s not really a racist.

Interestingly though, she said several times in the video that she retweeted those racist things, when the screenshots clearly show that she wrote them herself.

But it’s strange because even though she’s sobbing through the whole thing, there aren’t any tears, and even though she’s clearly very emotional, she made a lot of edits to what’s supposed to be a raw video.

So yeah, most people think she’s being fake here, too, and that she’s not actually sorry for tweeting those awful things, she’s just sorry she got caught.

She’s probably extremely sorry now, since it’s starting to look like her career is over.

Laura Lee again

A few weeks ago, Laura celebrated reaching five million subscribers on YouTube, but now she’s down to about 4.5 million, which is a pretty extreme drop.

Her cosmetics company is also suffering — Ulta recently announced that they’d be carrying her products on their site and in stores, but it doesn’t look like that’s happening anymore.

A spokesperson for Ulta spoke with The Blast, saying “We have decided not to move forward with the launch of Laura Lee Los Angeles. Ulta Beauty values equality and inclusivity in all that we do.”

In addition to Ulta cutting ties with her, Laura has also been cut loose by Boxycharm, a beauty subscription service that carried her products, and Morphe and Colourpop, cosmetics companies that have worked with her in the past.

Things really, really aren’t looking good for her right now.

And that’s one of the many, many reasons why you don’t want to be a racist!


Mark Zuckerberg Loses $16 BILLION In One Day as Facebook Stocks Plummet!

We imagine Mark Zuckerberg spends all day poking around in our personal business and laughing at our misfortunes, so we’re relishing the opportunity to return the favor.

As you may have heard, Zuckerberg’s company — a plucky little startup called Facebook — is not having the best year.

First, there was Zuck’s testimony before Congress, which was only amusing if you watched it on mute and pretended it was an episode of Black Mirror where a robot gets put on trial for murder.

Shortly thereafter, Zuckerberg was harshly criticized for defending the rights of Holocaust deniers who use his service to propagate their batsh-t beliefs.

Marky Mark probably thought getting publicly crucified for presiding over a company that allows Russian bots to spread fake news and enables neo-Nazis to stoke the flames of racial hatred would the low point of his 2018.

And maybe it was.

But losing $ 16 billion in personal wealth as shareholders call for your head probably still stings just a bit.

Yes, it was a rough day on Wall Street, as Facebook stocks plummetted more than 20 percent, seemingly in response to the company’s recent rash of scandals and bad press.

Of course, even after losing more money in a single day than most people could spend in five lifetimes, Zuck is still worth more than $ 68 billion, so you probably won’t see him doing the Floss for nickels outside a VA hospital anytime soon.

But the loss puts him below Warren Buffett on the list of the world’s richest people, which is amusing for at least two reasons:

1. People actually like Buffett, whereas the sight of Zuckerberg causes most folks to fantasize about perpetrating a fatal wedgie, and

2. We like to imagine Buffett calling Zuck, saying, “How’s my ass taste, kid?” and promptly hanging up the phone.

Of course, it wasn’t just Facebook’s affiliations with Cambridge Analytica and the Pepe the Frog set that have stocks and profit margins plummeting.

The site’s ongoing efforts to become Snapchat for old people are also causing “unforeseen growth cessations” and other mumbo-jumbo that basically means “we might be f-cked.”

“We plan to grow and promote certain engaging experiences like Stories that currently have lower levels of monetization, and we are also giving people who use our services more choices around data privacy, which may have an impact on our revenue growth,” says CFO David Wehner.

Again, this is all relative, as Facebook’s market cap is still valued at about $ 120 billion, so your aunt Sharon’s favorite venue for sharing “wine o’clock” memes won’t be going away anytime soon.

But the important thing is that today’s news affirms the increasingly popular theory that Mark Zuckerberg is not the savior of the Western world, but just some code jockey who was in the right place at the right time.

Watch for him and fellow embodiment of the evils of late capitalism Elon Musk to announce a plan for world domination any day now.