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Chris Brown to Rihanna: MARRY ME FOR REAL!

Will we ever get to experience a time in which Chris Brown isn’t creepy and sketchy and awful?

It’s not very likely, but man, it sure sounds nice.

Unfortunately, Chris has been awful for years and years and years at this point.

And you know what they say about teaching an old dog new tricks.

(It seems weird that the only tricks this dog was ever taught were a few cool dance moves and how to be violent and scary, but whatever.)

Chris became famous in 2005 when he released his debut album, and a few years later in 2009, he was arrested for beating Rihanna.

Ever since then, things have been falling apart.

He’s gotten in trouble several times for assault and destroying property — you know, just overly aggressive douchebag things.

His longtime girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, has said that he abused her and threatened to kill her.

She has a restraining order against him now.

Most recently, he was arrested in July for felony battery after punching a photographer in a club.

Chris also does this really terrible thing, and although it isn’t illegal, it is truly terrifying.

He’s just kind of been fixated on Rihanna ever since 2009 — you’ve noticed it, right?

He’s dropped her name in countless interviews, even though he really should know better, or at least have people around him who know better and could clue him in.

He leaves inappropriately flirty comments on her Instagram posts, there’s always a report floating around about how he wants her back.

And, wouldn’t you know it, we have a report just like that to discuss right now!

Brace yourself, because this is spookier than anything else you’re going to see today.

OK, so Rihanna posed for this photo to promote the new Savage x Fenty collection:

She looks amazing, right?

Of course she does, this is Rihanna we’re talking about.

And as a source close to Chris explained to Hollywood Life, the photo made him feel some feelings.

“Rihanna’s new lingerie picture is straight torture for Chris,” began the source, “and not just because she’s looking so damn sexy.”

Yeah, it’s gross already — who could have possibly anticipated this?!

It gets worse, too!

“With her white lingerie and veil it makes him imagine her looking like that on her wedding night and it kills him that it may not be with him,” the source revealed.

“He still has fantasies that fate will bring them back together, when the time is right and they will have that wedding night.”

The delusions don’t stop there.

Last we heard, Rihanna was dating Hassan Jameel, but they haven’t been seen together in a few months.

And so “the fact that Rihanna isn’t really claiming any man makes Chris think that she might still be hung up on him too.”

There’s just a tiny little smidge of real talk at the end though, thank goodness.

The insider said that “The way things are right now between them it’s not something he’s fully counting on.”

This is just disturbing, isn’t it?

Chris was with Rihanna almost ten years ago.

Ten. Years.

Next February it’ll be a decade since he assaulted her.

And yes, they got back together for a little while about six years ago, but still, six years is a lot of years, too.

Why would he think that there’s even the slightest chance that she’ll marry him?

And while we’re asking questions, why does he even still have a career?

Honestly, Chris needs to just go away, forever.

No Rihanna wedding, no new music, no dumb interviews that try to find redeeming qualities in him.

He needs to pay his child support and stay away for the rest of his whole entire life.

If that’s not possible, then at least the no Rihanna wedding, OK?

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Duggar Family: Seriously, Can Someone Marry Jana Already?

If you follow the Duggar family closely, then we probably don’t need to tell you that Jana Dugger is still single.

Normally, it wouldn’t be a big deal that a 28-year-old woman had yet to find Mr. Right, especially when that woman has as much going on in her life as Jana.

She’s a reality star, as well as an expert gardener and home repair enthusiast.

She pitches in with flipping houses and cars as part of the family business, and she serves as a second mother to her many, many younger siblings.

But Jana was raised in a family that believes procreation is a woman’s primary reason for being.

And so the efforts to marry Jana off are becoming more and more ambitious with each passing year.

The Duggars haven’t gone so far as to create a profile for Jana on Christian Mingle, but some fans think they came pretty close with their latest Facebook post:

“Our sweet Jana! She loves to serve others and has a heart of gold!” Jim Bob and Michelle captioned the photo above.

Yes, she loves to serve others almost as much as she hates close-ups.

Seriously, what’s going on with this picture?

Drone surveillance cameras get closer to their subjects than this.

Are they trying to find a suitor for Jana without her knowledge and using some sort of Melania-style body double for the pics?

We guess that might work.

After all, single Duggar women aren’t allowed to use social media, which means Jana has never known the joy of scrolling through a timeline and growing increasingly angry that all her high school friends are taking cooler vacations than she is.

We kid, Jana doesn’t have any high school friends — she never went to high school!

In all seriousness, this is probably just the Duggars offering what may be a much-needed self-esteem boost to their eldest daughter.

After all, it can’t be easy to be the single girl in a family that prioritizes marriage and procreation above all else.

Some folks think the Duggars want Jana to remain single so that she can continue to help around the house.

That may have been true at one point, but as their youngest kids reach maturity, Jim Bob and Michelle would probably like to see Jana start a family of her own.

But at least they’re taking the time to show her some appreciation in the meantime.

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Justin Bieber: I’m Not Rushing to Marry Hailey Baldwin, But She’s the One!

It’s been over a month since Justin Bieber proposed to Hailey Baldwin. That was when the two hotties, who had until very recently been exes, became engaged.

Though reports have said that Justin and Hailey are already making wedding plans, a new report says that these two aren’t racing towards the altar.

But we do have a ballpark estimate of when they are likely to get married.

Sources close to Justin Bieber tell TMZ a few illuminating facts about the Biebs and his relationship with fiancee Hailey Baldwin.

First and foremost, even though these two had barely started dating against before Justin popped the question, that doesn’t mean that they’re racing towards the altar.

The insider tells TMZ that they’re not planning on actually tying the knot until 2019.

The insider says that this isn’t an issue of them being unsure abou their upcoming nuptials.

TMZ compares the delay to how Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth might never get married, because they feel like the engagement is enough.

Sources also told them that this thing between Justin and Hailey was allegedly more intense than the public realizes.

“Justin’s been in love with her for a long time,” an insider tells TMZ.

“So,” the source explains. “This didn’t just come from out of the blue.”

In fact, TMZ has been told that Justin and Hailey have reunited … and then broken up again … multiple times without the knowledge of fans.

We believe that.

Of course, sources also tell TMZ that the public is totally wrong in their belief that the Biebs was fixated on Selena Gomez for all of this time.

These insiders close to Justin are claiming that Justin’s really had his heart set on Hailey, not Selena, for the past few years.

HollywoodLife looked at this and asked the question that’s on the mind of many fans after reading this: did Justin hook up with Hailey while he was with Selena?

It’s difficult to picture Hailey being a part of that.

But it sounds like, at the very least, Justin was allegedly pining after Hailey during his months-long reunion with Selena.

Now, all of this is very sweet and makes it sound like Hailey was always Justin’s first choice and like Selena was, at best, some sort of distraction.

But … while we absolutely believe that some very reliable sources close to the Biebs made these claims, are they true?

Or are they just what Justin wants the world to believe?

Call us conspiracy theorists, but we cannot help but wonder if maybe Justin is deliberately pushing this narrative in the hope that it reassures Hailey that she’s not just a runner-up.

At the very least, he might be trying to convince his fans that he’s not another Arie Luyendyk Jr. and that Hailey was always his true love.

That said … a lot of people can and do convince themselves that the person to whom they propose is the only person they’ve ever really loved.

The term cognitive dissonance gets misused more often than it gets used properly, but it’s a real psychological phenomenon and it really can lead people to believe new things based upon their most recent words and actions.

So if Justin is telling his close buddies that he’s always believed that Hailey’s the girl for him, he may very well believe it — despite his lengthy and also very recent history with Selena Gomez.

Many fans have noted that Justin seduced Hailey just like how he seduced Selena.

And it of course did not go unnoticed that he only reconnected with Hailey after Selena broke things off.

But regardless of all of that, it’s comforting to hear that Justin and Hailey aren’t racing to the altar.

Next year sounds like a fine time for them to tie the knot.

… Assuming that they last that long.

Some of us, after all, are betting that Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson last longer.

But only time will tell.

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June Shannon: I’m Ready to Marry Geno Doak!

Do you hear that, From Not to Hot viewers?

Do you recognize that sound?

Oh, yes, it's the ringing of wedding bells, which may very soon be going off all around June Shannon.

On this week's all-new episode of Mama June: From Not to Hot, the mother of four opens up to her sister, telling this sibling that she wants to tie the knot with Geno Doak…

… in Las Vegas!

The veteran reality star and Doak went public with their relationship early in 2018.

Geno actually has four children of his own, and he runs a home remodeling business.

He actually dated Shannon briefly in 2015, keeping in semi-close contact with her ever since, prior to reigniting the romance a few months ago.

“I never thought about marriage until I met Geno. And you know I proposed to him,” Mama June tells her sister, Doe Doe, in the sneak peek featured here.

Why is she so strongly considering this committment now?

“It’s just time for Alana to have that real family connection,” June says about her youngest daughter, who will be Dancing with the Stars this fall.

“Alana needs this," June adds.

Honey Boo Boo had previously told Us Weekly that she's glad her mom has hooked up with Doak, telling the tabloid:

"I'm very proud that Mama got with him because she smiles if you say anything about him. I'm like, 'Mama has been so happy!'"

As for the location of her desired wedding?

Shannon objects to Doe Doe's belief that Sin City isn't exactly the ideal city in which to exchange vows.

“Vegas is the perfect place to get hitched to my man,” Shannon says. “Geno loves surprises, so he’s going to love it… I’m going to put a ring on it."

The thing is, Shannon's older daughter, Pumpkin, is getting married in Las Vegas — and Shannon basically wants to crash that wedding by also holding one of hers.

“I promised that I’m not going to ruin Pumpkin’s wedding day,” says Mama June. "But that doesn’t mean that I can’t get married in Vegas.”

It sort of does.

Check out the clip here for more!

June shannon im ready to marry geno doak
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Khloe Kardashian: Kim Won’t Let Me Marry Tristan Thompson!!

While insiders worry that Khloe Kardashian may ban her family from criticizing Tristan on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Khloe has her own worries.

Khloe apparently wants to marry Tristan, and it sounds like she hopes that the wedding ceremony will give them a total relationship do-over.

But Kim is doubling down on her objections. Is the Kardashian family headed for civil war?

RadarOnline reports that Khloe is struggling to get her family to accept that she’s still wtih Tristan.

“She’s begged the family to get behind her and forgive him,” the insider reveals of Khloe.

It sounds like those pleas haven’t been entirely effective.

Sure, she and Kendall might double-date, but some of her siblings are still horrified by Tristan’s humiliating cheating scandal.

The source goes on to say that Khloe wants this “so they can have the wedding of their dreams.”

In other words, she’s reportedly planning a huge wedding for some time in the future, and she will of course want all of her family involved.

Khloe reportedly wants to tie the knot “and start afresh as a family.”

It sounds like she hopes that the build-up to such a wedding will wash away all past misdeeds and scandals.

Khloe may not respect herself enough to kick Tristan to the curb, but her sister Kim is standing up for her.

Kim, the insider reveals, “is flat-out refusing to give her blessing.”

That’s no surprise, given that Kim doesn’t even want to see Tristan on Instagram — the two have unfollowed each other.

Kim has a degree of … intensity that not all of the Kardashian siblings share.

It sounds like she objects to Tristan with the same tenacity with which she continues to defend Kanye West’s awful behavior.

The source says that Kim isn’t backing down, “and there’s every chance she’ll lead a major family boycott of the nuptials.”

Kim and Khloe’s reported disagreement sounds like it could split this family in two. Wow.

Of course, Khloe has to know that there are alternatives to a huge family wedding.

“Khloe talks about eloping,” the source reveals, which explains why we heard about Khloe wanting to elope with Tristan last month.

Sometimes, when your dream wedding doesn’t seem perfect, the best thing to do is scrap the idea and get married on your own terms.

Eloping may be on her mind, the insider says, “but in reality that’s the last thing she wants.”

Khloe’s dreams of a perfect relationship may have been dashed when Tristan’s penis went on tour, but it’s said that she’s clinging extra hard to a perfect wedding to make it right.

As we said, it sounds like she’s really seeing this wedding as something that could clean the slate.

Quite frankly, it doesn’t sound like Khloe eloping is likely to happen at all.

“She’s desperate for a splashy, romantic affair with her sisters as bridesmaids,” the insider reveals.

As important as her family is to her, it sounds like she also has some other priotieis.

She wants her siblings there, the source says, “and a lucrative TV deal wouldn’t be bad, either.”

No it would not. And though the Kardashians have been dominating the reality television scene for over a decade, that kind of affair would still get plenty of viewers.

But Khloe worries that none of these dreams can come true.

The insider laments: “that’s all up in the air because of her family’s hatred of Tristan.”

The Kardashians always talk about how “the power of family is everything.” Which is definitely true … if your family happens to include Kris Jenner.

But this kind of schism, so intense that it’s largely playing out behind the scenes (if they’re not using their conflicts to promote their brands, that’s when you know that things are bad), looks like a big deal.

Sometimes, relationships between friends or siblings can seem unbreakable … until one party gets obsessed with a man and loses all of her sense.

Has that happened to Khloe?

Kim may have no room to talk when it comes to her man’s bad behavior, but she has to know that a relationship with cheating this bad, this early can’t last forever.

She may be just waiting to say “I told you so.”

But if any of Khloe’s loved ones really want her to give Tristan the boot, they may want to consider what good parents know.

Just give your support — if not approval — and act like the relationship doesn’t bother you. That way, Khloe will be less defensive about Tristan.

Lowering her guard may give her the clarity to see Tristan’s behavior for what it truly is.

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Sophia Bush Confesses: I Never Wanted to Marry Chad Michael Murray

Sophia Bush has been divorced from Chad Michael Murray for well over a decade.

The former One Tree Hill co-stars got married in April of 2015 and split up just five months later, shattering the hopes and dreams of all who watched and adored their WB drama.

This all played out a very long time ago, yet Bush stopped by Andy Cohen’s Sirius XM radio show this week and dredged up the ancient and awkward past.

In an interview with the Bravo executive, Bush actually said she didn’t even marry Murray out of love.

She agreed to the legal union due to pressure from those associated with One Tree Hill.

“It was like the second season, but everyone’s been 22 and stupid,” Bush said of the relationship, adding that marriage “was not a thing I actually really wanted to do” and later explaining:

“Ladies have to learn how to take up space in the way that men are taught that they are entitled to.”

Interesting, huh?

And very layered and sort of vague and confusing, right?

“If you didn’t want to get married, how do you get to the point of being talked into it?” asked Cohen.

“How do you let everybody down?” the actress responded, continuing:

“And how do you – what’s the fight and when you have bosses telling you that you’re the only person who gets a person to work on time and 200 people either get to see their kids at night or they don’t because our days start on time?”

So… Bush was talked into being with Murray because she could control him on set?

“Life is always loaded,” she told Cohen. “What the public knows ever is never – it’s not the tip of the iceberg.

“Hilarie [Burton] and I used to laugh and we were like, ‘If we had a behind-the-scenes show, the drama would be so much f-cking better than the drama that the writers write.'” 

Shortly after her interview with viral, Bush tried to walk back her apparent criticism of Murray.

She Tweeted that she was making fun of herself, not her former co-star and husband.

“When you’re taking the piss out of yourself – b/c people can’t let the past go & you really wish they would – & gossip rags try to turn it into inappropriate drama rather than self-deprication,” she wrote.

“Don’t twist people’s words, y’all. If it wasn’t clear, I was making fun of MYSELF.”

bush tweets

Murray, however, was among those who took offense to Bush bringing up their marriage all this time later.

Especially when she did absolutely say that the romance had as much to do with her professional obligations as how she actually felt about Murray.

“This story is ludicrous,” a rep for the actor said in a response statement, adding:

“Chad conducts himself in a completely professional manner and would never marry for any reason but love.

“Thirteen years since his divorce from Sophia, he has a very happy family life with his wife and children.

“He has completely moved on and doesn’t feel the need to engage in this type of behavior.”

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