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Well, he’s living up to his nickname more than ever these days, because Mike Sorrentino is stuck in a seriously complex situation.
If you watched Jersey Shore Family Vacation this season, you know that Mike proposed to Lauren Pesce, she said yes, and plans are already in place to populate the tri-state area with dozens of mini-Sitches.
Unfortunately, there’s a minor roadblock standing in the way of Mike and Lauren’s domestic bliss.
When the focus briefly shifted from Ronnie’s never-ending emotional meltdown, JSFV also reminded us that Sorrentino is facing prison time for tax evasion.
While Mike has gone to great lengths to clean up his act in the years since his legal entanglement began, it’s unlikely that he’ll be able to avoid prison time.
Which means, of course, that he and Lauren don’t have the luxury of a long engagement.
“They are working out the exact date now, as well as the location for the wedding and venue for the reception,” a source close to the couple tells Radar Online.
Mike is scheduled to be sentenced on September 7, and his lawyers have reportedly informed him that he should be prepared to serve at least two years behind bars.
Fortunately, Lauren says she’s willing to wait for Mike for as long as she needs to.
“They are both hoping for leniency. But it does not matter to Lauren how long he has to go to prison,” the insider says.
“She will stand by him no matter what. She will be visiting him in prison as often as she is allowed.
Even though Mike might not begin serving his sentence until several months after he’s sentenced, he and Lauren are planning to tie the knot this summer, just to be safe.
The original plan was for Sorrentino and Pesce to tie the knot on the second season of JSFW, but a rushed production. schedule put the kibosh on that plan.
But don’t worry, unlike past Shore weddings, the entire guido crew will be in attendance, and most of Mike’s castmates will be a part of the wedding party.
(We’re guessing Ronnie was the only one left out.)
Insiders say Mike and Lauren hope to spend at least four months living as man and wife before his sentence begins.
And of course, they’ll be hard at work making those little mini-Situations.
As difficult as Mike’s current situation is, those who know him best say he’s never been happier — and they credit Lauren with saving his life.
“Everyone is just so proud of Mike for getting sober Opens a New Window. , and are just as close with Lauren as they are with him,” says thee source.
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On the season finale of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, Mike told Ronnie that he thought his friend should go to rehab.
And Ronnie replied no, no, no.
No, really. Amy Winehouse references aside, this intense argument was at the center of an explosive concluding episodes.
(Not concluding forever, mind you. Jersey Shore: Family Vacation Season 2 will premiere in August.)
This is how it all started:
While having dinner with Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Pauly D, Jenni “JWoww” Farley, Vinny Guadagnino and Deena Cortese, Ronnie confessed to getting “crazy” when he goes out.
However, he maintained this partying never really affected his life
Heck, he was even “blessed [that] Sam didn’t come” for the season so that his roommates could at last see Ronnie himself… and not someone only known for having a toxic relationship.
(Note to Ronnie: We know this finale was filmed months ago, but have you read the recent headlines about you and Jen Harley?)
“I think Ronnie is confused about where he is in life,” Vinny told the cameras. “He’s trying to convince himself he’s happy, but when Ronnie gets drunk, he’s talking different.”
In his own confessional later on, Paul D agreed:
“Ron’s scared of not having that perfect life, which is bullsh-t. This is the modern family now.
“You don’t need to be married to have a child, you don’t need to be with the baby mama to have a good relationship with her daughter. He’s scared of all that.”
More prescient and profound than ever, the DJ continued:
“I also think Ron’s scared of being alone as well because I’ve never seen him legitimately single.
“I think that’s where a lot of the issues stem from. He forces relationships to happen because he thinks he needs to be in one.
“He needs to get himself right because you can’t jump into a relationship until you’re fixed. He’s not fixed from his relationship with Sammi.”
So this was the background for when Jenni came right out and said during the quasi family meal:
“Mike, why did you say Ronnie needs rehab?”
Someone hold Ronnie back, folks.
First of all,” he said immediately in anger. “I’m having a kid in like six weeks. When I drink, I like to f-cking party. I didn’t make it my life. You made it your life. You let it affect your whole life. You let it destroy your life. So don’t sit there saying I need f-cking rehab.”
He wasn’t done screaming at The Situation, either.
“Bro, look at you! You f-cking got a tax evasion! You almost lost everything you f-cking earned.”
From here, as you might expect, it was totally on between the close friends.
“Did you not call me two weeks before we came here and say you needed rehab?!” Mike yelled back, to which Ronnie corrected Sitch by saying he asked for “help,” not rehab.
(You may be picking some nits there, Ronnie.)
“You put people’s dirt out there,” Ronnie said, truly starting to lose his temper and screaming at Mike:
“Your sh-t is public! Your sh-t is real news! That sh-t is on the papers! That’s why I talk about it. I don’t bring your dirt in the house. I don’t f-cking sweep your name in the f-cking mud.
“I just say what the facts are.”
Mike tried to remain calm.
“You need help,” he simply said in response.
“I don’t have a problem, bro!” Ronnie fired back. “I help myself. You never help yourself. Lauren [Mike’s new fiancee] helps you now. I take care of Jen, I take care of my kid, and her f-cking kid. Fact!
“End of the story. Bottom line. So don’t ever f-cking say I need help.”
Eventually, Ronnie went outside to cool down, admitting to Jen that he would have “literally beat [Mike’s] ass” if they had talked for even 10 seconds more.
So, what happened when mike went outside to continue the chat?
Was said ass beaten?
“Number one, I care about you. Number two, I was f-cking wrong. I’m f-cking concerned about you,” Mike told his muscle-bound colleage, continuing as follows:
“You told me while we were in here that you are gonna get your act cleaned up when we get out of here. But, I went low.”
Ronnie: “And I went lower and I’m sorry for that. That’s something I need to work on.”
Would you look at that? Maturity and progress!
Then co-stars then hugged. AWWW!
As we said, Jersey Shore will return in August.
If Ronnie ever stops fighting with his baby mama, that is.
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