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6ix9ine, Cosby, Suge & Manafort Thanksgiving Prison Meals (Mostly) Plain & Dry for Newbies

EXCLUSIVE

The most notorious prisoners behind bars this year will partake in Thanksgiving like the rest of us.

According to prison menus across the country, guys like Tekashi69Bill Cosby, Suge Knight and Paul Manafort — all of whom left public life in jumpsuits in 2018 for one reason or another (or several) — are set to be served relatively modest meals Thursday, all of which include basics like turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce and greens.

Here’s what 6ix9ine will be chowing down on in Brooklyn’s MDC: 

— Turkey or eggplant, mashed sweet potato, corn, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, biscuit and pumpkin pie

Cosby at Pennsylvania’s SCI Phoenix:

— Turkey (or a garden burger for vegetarians), bread stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green peas, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls with margarine and pumpkin pie with whipped cream or fruit

Manafort at Virginia’s Alexandria Detention Center:

— Turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green beans, cranberry sauce, rolls, and pumpkin pie

Suge at California State Prison: 

— Turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, salad, cranberry sauce, ice cream (no pie, sorry Suge) and veggies

And, if you care what Larry Nassar will be eating at US Penitentiary Coleman II in FL:

— Turkey, baked turkey ham, tofu stir-fry or vegetable stuffing, macaroni and cheese or baked potato, candied or baked sweet potato, green beans, cranberry sauce, gravy, whole wheat bread and margarine and assorted holiday pies

Is it just us, or is Nassar getting the bigger wishbone?

6ix9ine, Cosby, Suge & Manafort Thanksgiving Prison Meals (Mostly) Plain & Dry for Newbies

EXCLUSIVE

The most notorious prisoners behind bars this year will partake in Thanksgiving like the rest of us.

According to prison menus across the country, guys like Tekashi69Bill Cosby, Suge Knight and Paul Manafort — all of whom left public life in jumpsuits in 2018 for one reason or another (or several) — are set to be served relatively modest meals Thursday, all of which include basics like turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce and greens.

Here’s what 6ix9ine will be chowing down on in Brooklyn’s MDC: 

— Turkey or eggplant, mashed sweet potato, corn, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, biscuit and pumpkin pie

Cosby at Pennsylvania’s SCI Phoenix:

— Turkey (or a garden burger for vegetarians), bread stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, green peas, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls with margarine and pumpkin pie with whipped cream or fruit

Manafort at Virginia’s Alexandria Detention Center:

— Turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green beans, cranberry sauce, rolls, and pumpkin pie

Suge at California State Prison: 

— Turkey, gravy, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, salad, cranberry sauce, ice cream (no pie, sorry Suge) and veggies

And, if you care what Larry Nassar will be eating at US Penitentiary Coleman II in FL:

— Turkey, baked turkey ham, tofu stir-fry or vegetable stuffing, macaroni and cheese or baked potato, candied or baked sweet potato, green beans, cranberry sauce, gravy, whole wheat bread and margarine and assorted holiday pies

Is it just us, or is Nassar getting the bigger wishbone?

Meghan Markle Due Date: Mostly Revealed!

We have an update on Meghan Markle’s pregnancy.

And it may just center on the exact piece of news for which you’ve been clamoring!

Earlier today, the world was stopped in its tracks when Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry confirmed that they are expecting their first child.

EVER!

Social media users had been wondering for weeks whether Markle was pregnant, with most of them convinced this was the case just a day prior to the official announcement, considering the outfit Markle wore to a wedding on Saturday.

They can now take pride in being correct for a change, following a Kensington Place statement that reads:

Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are very pleased to announce that The Duchess of Sussex is expecting a baby in the Spring of 2019.

The spring of 2019 is pretty vague, of course.

The Palace did not reveal whether Markle is due in March… or April… or May… or June.

However, an insider now tells Us Weekly that the former Suits actress is about 15 weeks along.

Even more specifically, according to this source…

“She is due on or around May 2nd.”

This would be especially cool because Princess Charlotte, the adorable daughter of Kate Middleton and Prince William, was born on May 2, 2015.

They could be birthday buddies!!!!!

This may be just one reason why the Palace says Kate and William are “delighted” that Meghan is expecting.

Harry and Meghan, who recently kicked off their their first international tour together in Australia, will be staying at Nottingham Cottage when they become a family of three.

The cottage was recently renovated.

It now includes two nurseries, sources close to the Royal Family have said.

This could mean that Markle is pregnant with twins, but it more likely means that she and Harry won’t be finished procreating after their first bundle of joy arrives.

If the child-to-be is born on May 2, this would make him or her a Taurus.

It would also mean she’d share a birthday not just with Charlotte… but with Dwayne Johnson and David Beckham as well!

How amazing would that be?!?

Elsewhere, while we wait to see what hateful things Samantha Markle has to say about this blessed development, we can quote Prime Minister Theresa May, who has said the following:

“My warmest congratulations to the Duke and Duchess of Sussex on the happy news they are expecting a baby in the Spring. Wishing them all the best.”

We feel the very same way!

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Madonna Tries, Mostly Fails to Defend Aretha Franklin Tribute at the VMAs

The Material Girl went ahead on Monday night and earned herself a new nickname:

The Narcissistic, Disrespectful, Rambling Woman Who Managed to Screw Up a Tribute to Arguably the Greatest Singer of All-Time.

It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but it does sum up what transpired yesterday evening at the 2018 MTV Video Music Awards.

Prior to presenting the award for Video of the Year (which went to Camila Cabello), the 60-year old singer was asked to talk about Aretha Franklin, who died last Thursday at the age of 73.

But instead of saying nice things about this iconic artist, Madonna told a rambling story about, well… herself.

You see, a long time ago, Madonna was struggling to make it as a dancer, so she went to a musical theater audition with a group of French producers.

“Why not?” she thought at the time, telling this long story on stage in front of a consued crowd and adding:

“The worst that can happen is I can go back to getting robbed, held at gunpoint, and being mistaken for a prostitute in my third-floor walk-up that was also a crack house.”

Okay, sure. Yeah. Tell us more, Madge…

It turned out that Madonna nailed the dance portion of the audition yet she panicked when those in charge asked her to produce sheet music and sing.

She wasn’t prepared for such a request!

“I had to think fast. My next meal was on the line,” she said, finally bringing this winding tale back to the late subject at suppose hand:

“Fortunately, one of my favorite albums was Lady Soul by Aretha Franklin. I blurted out, ‘You Make Me Feel!’ Silent. ‘You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman!’”

So… Madonna sang this famous song, the producers loved it, but she actually didn’t get the gig.

She did get a job in Paris as a result of the audition, though, and… SIGH.

You really need to just watch clips from this convoluted, self-serving speech below:

How did an Aretha Franklin tribute end up being a story all about Madonna’s early years as an entertainer?

Simple, Madonna explained in a follow-up Instagram post: This was never supposed to be a tribute!

“I was asked to present video of the year by MTV! And then they asked me to share any anecdotes I had in my career connected to Aretha Franklin!” wrote Madonna as a caption to a photo (below) of her and Cabello.

Continued Madonna in her own defense:

“I shared a part of my journey and thanked Aretha for inspiring me along the way. I did not intend to do a tribute to her!

“That would be impossible in 2 minutes with all the noise and tinsel of an award show. I could never do her justice in this context or environment.”

madonna on insta

Madonna did conclude her speech at the VMAs by stating:

None of this would have happened, could have happened without our Lady of Soul. She led me to where I am today.

And I know she influenced so many people in this house tonight. I want to thank you, Aretha, for empowering all of us. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Not very apologetic in her Instagram post, Madonna slammed her critics and reiterated her affection for Franklin, closing her statement as follows:

“Unfortunately most people have short attention spans, and are so quick to judge. I love Aretha! R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

“I Love Camilla! Congrats! I LOVE my dress! AND. I love-L O V E!! and there is nothing anyone can say or do that will change that.”

Well… okay then!

We guess that settles that.

Madonna loves Aretha. And Cabello. And her own fashion taste. And love in general.

And, let’s not forget what Madonna also loves most of all, even in the wake of maybe the most influential artist in history passing away.

HERSELF.

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