Well, folks, it’s been about 24 hours since Bill Cosby was sentenced to prison and taken into custody.
It’s a positive development for just about everyone in the world, with the exceptions of Cosby himself and maybe a handful of wacky sweater enthusiasts.
Considering he appears to have raped scores of women over the course of several decades, Cosby’s 3-10 year sentence is appallingly light, but on the plus side, he’s 81, so there’s a good chance he’s tasted the sweet pudding pop of freedom for the last time.
Anyway, millions are rightly celebrating Cosby’s incarceration today, and we salute his victims for their bravery in coming forward and their persistence in seeing that this monster was brought to justice.
Another group that’s rightly jazzed (Get it? Because he likes jazz?) about the Cos being locked away are his fellow inmates.
Despite what Orange Is the New Black might have led you to believe, minimum security prisons are actually rather boring places where amusingly topical monologues are few and far between.
So the arrival of a celebrity inmate — particularly one as famous as Bill Cosby — is highly anticipated occasion.
“Prisoners are excited that Cosby is there,” a source close to the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections tells Radar Online.
“Even the toughest cellblocks showed respect for him.”
And it seems they’ve even done the disgraced comic the honor of granting him a prison nickname.
“They’re calling him the ‘OG’ — lingo for ‘original gangster,’” the insider claims.
We’re hoping that nickname is delivered with a healthy dose of irony, as Cosby spent the past 50 years chiding black men for the way they dress by day and drugging and raping women by night.
There’s nothing remotely gangster about either of those activities.
Earlier today, we reported that Cosby is trying to beg his way out of prison by claiming that he’s in danger due to his celebrity status.
Fortunately, prison authorities anticipated that argument, and they essentially shot it down with a statement issued moments ago:
“We are taking all of the necessary precautions to ensure Mr. Cosby’s safety and general welfare in our institution,” Corrections Secretary John Wetzel said.
“The long-term goal is for him to be placed in the general population to receive the programming required during his incarceration.”
Sounds like you may want to get comfortable, Mr. Cosby.
You’re gonna be in there longer than Theo got grounded when he took the car without permission. Zab-zippity!