Tila Tequila: Paris Hilton Killed My Fiancee & I’m Possessed By Satan

Hey, things got pretty crazy this week, didn't they, America?

It's times like this that we need the genuine batsh-t insanity of someone like Tila Tequila to remind us that things could always be marginally worse.

As some of our older readers may recall, Ms. Tequila was a popular figure on MySpace, which was an arcane rune-based communications system popular among early homonids in the days before 

The site died an ugly, premature death after overdosing on the milliojns of HTML customizations and Fall Out Boy videos everyone crammed into their personal pages, but Tila's notoriety has survived.

The reason for this is that she's hands down the craziest celebrity on the planet.

You're probably asking yourself, how could she be crazier than Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan, Donald John Trump?

To which we say, believe it or not, Tila wins that contest by a mile.

We could rattle off a decade's worth of bizarre incidents as proof — such as the time she claimed to have evidence that Michelle Obama is secretly a man, or the many times she insisted she's some sort of alien Nazi.

Instead we'll just share this video in which Tila casually explains that she was possessed for several years and Paris Hilton murdered her fiancee.

"So back in 2012 I was in Hollywood and I was in the world of Satan. I was possessed by Satan. Hollywood is a platform built by Satan," Tila tells the camera.

"They kept sending me to doctors to overdose me and kill me."

From there Tila goes on to describe how the death of her fiancee Casey Johnson was the result of a Satanic ritual orchestrated by Paris and Nicki Hilton.

“Paris and Nicky Hilton sacrificed Casey while I was in Texas. All of the demonic chicks like Courtenay Semel, Jasmine Lennard, The Hilton sisters went against me because they were the one who sacrificed her," Tequila says.

"She told me all of their secrets and then they tried to sacrifice me.”

From there, the ladies busted out some Xans and eight balls, because apparently that's customary following a ritual sacrifice.

"I was disgusted," Tila says "So I took two Xanax bars and did two 8 balls of cocaine. Satan had me so on drugs.”

Check out the whole 40-minute (!!!) video for more insanity.

Hopefully, it's the first episode of a new talk show entitlted It's the Tequila Talking!

Tila tequila paris hilton killed my fiancee and im possessed by

Don McLean, 73, Confirms Relationship with 24-Year-Old Model Paris Dylan

Don McLean’s last marriage lasted for about 29 years and ended with him getting arrested for domestic violence against then-wife Patrisha.

Now, the 73-year-old music legend has moved on with a 24-year-old girlfriend, Paris Dylan.

The couple has made their relationship official by gushing about it on Instagram.

Don McLean is a musician, best known for the album American Pie and particularly for the song of the same name.

Paris Dylan is a Catfish alum who has been featured in Playboy and Maxim.

They’ve made it very clear on social media that they are dating.

“A dream with my love,” Paris captioned one recent photo.

In another, she gushes, calling McLean the “love of my life.”

In October, she wished him: “happy birthday my baby, my beauty, love of my life, my everything.”

The pair of them have done a lot of traveling this year.

The singer and his model girlfriend visited Germany, France, the UK, and Israel.

While in France, Paris visited the city of the same name.

The couple, as you can see in the photo above, posed in front of the Eiffel Tower.

They also visited the Louvre.

It’s unclear when their relationship officially began.

As far back as November of 2016, Paris shared a photo of the two of them, but that’s not the same thing as dating.

It was really in March of 2018 when the two of them seemed to be joined at the hip — almost literally — and posting a steady stream of photos.

That is when the two were “linked,” but officially speaking, they were just pals.

Now that they’ve both been gushing about each other and sharing the same photos on social media, we can comfortably call them a couple.

Paris Dylan is a model who, as we mentioned, has posed for Playboy and Maxim.

As you can see in every photo in which she appears, she certainly has the qualifications — and we mean that sincerely — for that kind of modeling.

But she is really best known for appearing in a wildly elaborate episode of Catfish.

That particular episode, as you may recall, involved NBA star Chris “Birdman” Andersen.

Now she’s traveling the world with a music legend and, from what she rights on social media, both deeply in love and enjoying each country she visits.

The couple’s age gap spans nearly 50 years.

People can have a cynical view towards relationships that feature massive age gaps.

A lot of the time, there’s a pattern.

Often, there’s a very unbalanced power dynamic that favors the party who is older, wealthier, more famous, and male.

Some may view Paris Dylan as either a lucky groupie, someone being exploited in their search for stability, or even a predator taking advantage of an older man.

We would prefer to reserve judgment until there is any indication that this is something other than a relationship between two people born at very different times.

So far, there are no hints that anyone involved is in any way unhappy. Until that changes, let’s leave well enough alone.

Maybe we can even be happy for them. There’s little enough joy in the nightmarish hellscape of 2018.


Paris Jackson and Gabriel Glenn: Headed For the Altar (Without a Prenup)!

Paris Jackson has been through quite a lot in her young life.

Of course, she’s also enjoyed privileges and opportunities that most folks can only dream of.

We mention this not because we begrudge Paris her wealth and fame but because the latest news about the 20-year-old’s personal life has fans concerned that her personal fortune may be in danger.

Paris has been dating drummer Gabriel Glenn for the past several months.

The couple met when Gabriel was hired into Paris’ band, the Soundflowers.

(Note: Several media outlets have mistakenly reported that Glenn was a member of the Wallflowers, which would make this story way weirder, as Paris was about a year away from being conceived when “One Headlight” came out.)

According to Radar Online, Paris’ family is deeply concerned about her new relationship, primarily because Paris and Glenn are already talking marriage.

“Paris told certain family members that she truly believes that Gabriel is the one and she wants to marry him,” a source close to the Jackson family says.

“She and Gabriel have been going strong for several months and she feels a deep connection with him.”

Most recently, Paris dated Cara Delevingne, and it seems her shift in preference has also been a cause of concern for certain influential family members.

Sadly, Paris’ beloved grandmother has some outdated beliefs, and she’s expressed skepticism about Paris’ ability to make decisions regarding her own sexuality and love life.

“The family is all very confused at this point,” the insider says.

“One second, she is a lesbian and dating; the next second, she is straight and dating her bandmate.”

But despite her apparent confusion, Katherine Jackson is less concerned with granddaughter’s sexuality than with her financial future — a future that she feels is in jeopardy due to Paris’ insistence on getting married without a prenup.

“No one cares what she is everyone just wants to know that she is okay,” says the source.

“Gabriel does not have the best reputation and some of her family members feel like he could be using her.

“They just want her to be careful.”

Sadly, Michael Jackson’s only daughter has been down this road before.

Paris recently dated Michael Snoddy, who was also a musician, and whose flippant attitude has been compared to Glenn’s.

That relationship ended badly, but Paris recovered rather quickly.

As painful as that episode might have been, friends and family are reportedly hoping for a similar outcome with Glenn.


Paris Jackson Apologizes for Harper’s Bazaar Cover Controversy

Paris Jackson recently confirmed her sexuality, and drew accusations of hypocrisy for appearing on a magazine cover in Singapore, where being gay is criminalized.

Paris was called out by members of her own community for appearing to endorse a country whose laws regard her very existence as a crime.

Others rose to Paris’ defense, and she issued an apology.

After Gay Star News called out Paris on what they saw as a betrayal of the LGBTQ+ community by one of its own, Paris was quick to apologize.

“i didn’t know,” Paris tweeted, quoting the article. “i am sorry.”

“i was grateful for the opportunity,” Paris added, explaining why she had done the cover photo to begin with.

She is a young model. Despite her fame, she is 20 years old, and being on the cover of a magazine is still a big deal.

“But,” she said. “i’ll delete the post now.”

“i don’t want to be hypocritical or hurt anyone,” Paris continued on Twitter.

Of course she doesn’t! She’s a good person who always lends her voice to good causes and to marginalized communities.

“And my support for my fellow LGBTQ+ community comes first,” Paris affirmed. “Before my love for fashion and gratitude for this opportunity.”

It’s good that she has her priorities in order.

Paris finished that tweet with: “Again, i’m sorry.”

Paris had more thoughts, and it’s god that she shared them — because this is thought-provoking.

“I would like to add though,” Paris tweets. “That someone that is openly a part of the community being on the cover in a country against the community, should be celebrated.”

Representation is important, and a major first step towards acceptance.

Paris asks: “isn’t that a step forward?”

“Again,” Paris reiterates. “I am deeply sorry.”

Paris isn’t getting defensive, but she’s explaining why she took the gig and questioning some of the criticism, which is extremely fair.

“I didn’t mean to be hypocritical or hurt anyone,” Paris makes clear.

In a follow-up tweet, she does have one other line.

“Also,” Paris writes. “That article is ridiculously mean.”

That happens sometimes — some celebrities are nasty people. But is that sort of meanness deserved in Paris’ case?

Paris was on the cover of a magazine. If she were in an ad hyping up tourism for Singapore — or Dubai or, for some reason, Chechnya, this criticism would make a lot more sense.

But a magazine cover is not an endorsement of a country.

And representation can be so important. Paris heard supportive messages from countless fans, including the LGBTQ+ community and folks from Singapore.

When your own country’s laws are against you, seeing someone like you on a magazine cover can give you a spark of hope. Hope can mean survival.

It’s hard to see how Paris was doing a bad thing, there.