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Two-Pump Trump: Stormy Daniels Says Prez Sucks in Bed, Wants to Bang Ivanka

As President of the United States, Donald Trump has a historically low job approval rating, having never once topped 50 percent.

According to adult film actress and frequent Trump foil Stormy Daniels, his performance in the sack also leaves a lot to be desired.

In an interview published Tuesday in Vogue, Daniels – who famously alleges a 2006 tryst with Trump – opens up about their encounter.

Well, what little there was of it, anyway.

“How many details can you really give about two minutes?” she says, asked by the magazine to describe boning Trump.

When the interviewer asked if it was really just two minutes, Daniels wasn’t sure, adding: “Maybe. I’m being generous.”

Damn. That’s gotta hurt, Donnie.

We suppose it’s not altogether shocking. Trump doesn’t spend much time working nowadays, prefering to watch TV and use Twitter.

Two minutes is an eternity for him to pay attention to anything, and living such a sad, lonely sedentary lifestyle can’t be good for virility.

In any case, the porn star – who is famously suing Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen – has never shied away from calling him out.

Their affair, which allegedly took place after a celebrity golf tournament, and not long after he married Melania, was … boring, she says.

“It was textbook generic,” she said of the sexual experience. “It wasn’t like, ‘Oh my God, I love you.’ He wasn’t like Fabio or anything.”

Regarding Trump’s relationship with Melania, Daniels says that Trump told her not to worry about his life … well, that aspect of it.

One thing Trump loves to talk about is his hot daughter Ivanka, to whom he likened Stormy. That’s gotta be flattering … or creepy.

“He bragged about his daughter [Ivanka] quite a bit though. He was very proud of her, which is nice,” Stormy recalls.

“He told me once that I was someone to be reckoned with, someone beautiful and smart like his daughter,” Daniels added.

“I guess that’s a compliment.” 

This is a guy who mused about his other daughter Tiffany Trump’s boobs when she was an infant, so it’s something, alright.

Stormy claims that Trump was somewhat star-struck in meeting her, and even asked for an autograph after their encounter.

Dear Donnie, that was the least exciting 45 seconds of my life, but hey, it’s tough without a condom. Love, Stormy xo

The blowback from Trump’s affair with Daniels has lasted a hell of a lot longer than he does in bed, as evidenced by last week.

His former lawyer, Cohen, now admits paying off Daniels in the weeks before the 2016 election to keep quiet about the affair.

Saying that he did so at the direction of Trump, Cohen pleaded guilty to felony charges and faces several years behind bars.

Daniels took a victory lap, and with the help of her ubiquitous lawyer Michael Avenatti, we’re guessing it won’t be her last.

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