Bill Cosby Impresses Fellow Inmates, Earns Prison Nickname

Well, folks, it’s been about 24 hours since Bill Cosby was sentenced to prison and taken into custody.

It’s a positive development for just about everyone in the world, with the exceptions of Cosby himself and maybe a handful of wacky sweater enthusiasts.

Considering he appears to have raped scores of women over the course of several decades, Cosby’s 3-10 year sentence is appallingly light, but on the plus side, he’s 81, so there’s a good chance he’s tasted the sweet pudding pop of freedom for the last time.

Anyway, millions are rightly celebrating Cosby’s incarceration today, and we salute his victims for their bravery in coming forward and their persistence in seeing that this monster was brought to justice.

Another group that’s rightly jazzed (Get it? Because he likes jazz?) about the Cos being locked away are his fellow inmates.

Despite what Orange Is the New Black might have led you to believe, minimum security prisons are actually rather boring places where amusingly topical monologues are few and far between.

So the arrival of a celebrity inmate — particularly one as famous as Bill Cosby — is highly anticipated occasion.

“Prisoners are excited that Cosby is there,” a source close to the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections tells Radar Online.

“Even the toughest cellblocks showed respect for him.”

And it seems they’ve even done the disgraced comic the honor of granting him a prison nickname.

“They’re calling him the ‘OG’ — lingo for ‘original gangster,’” the insider claims.

We’re hoping that nickname is delivered with a healthy dose of irony, as Cosby spent the past 50 years chiding black men for the way they dress by day and drugging and raping women by night.

There’s nothing remotely gangster about either of those activities.

Earlier today, we reported that Cosby is trying to beg his way out of prison by claiming that he’s in danger due to his celebrity status.

Fortunately, prison authorities anticipated that argument, and they essentially shot it down with a statement issued moments ago:

“We are taking all of the necessary precautions to ensure Mr. Cosby’s safety and general welfare in our institution,” Corrections Secretary John Wetzel said.

“The long-term goal is for him to be placed in the general population to receive the programming required during his incarceration.”

Sounds like you may want to get comfortable, Mr. Cosby.

You’re gonna be in there longer than Theo got grounded when he took the car without permission. Zab-zippity!


Bill Cosby Begs Wife: Get Me Out of Prison Before I Die In Here!

As you’ve likely heard by now, Bill Cosby was sentenced to 3-10 years in prison yesterday after being convicted of sexually assaulting Andrea Constand.

The disgraced comedy legend was handcuffed and taken into custody shortly after the judge delivered his sentence.

It’s been less than 24 hours since he was imprisoned, but already, Cosby’s booking photo has become a viral sensation, and reports about his first day behind bars are being gleefully shared on every social media platform.

(A report from TMZ that Cosby’s first meal will include Jell-O has proven particularly popular.)

Naturally, Cosby took advantage of his first opportunity to place a phone call, and insiders confirm that he contacted his wife of 54 years, Camille Cosby.

Now, a new report Radar Online claims that Cosby spent most of his time on the phone imploring Camille to do everything in her power to get him out of jail.

Bill Cosby Booking Pic

“They took my cane, tie and shoelaces because they think I will harm myself,” Cosby reportedly told his wife.

A witness who listened in on the call, says Cosby complained about the conditions and led his wife to believe he was in immediate physical danger:

“He said he had a stale hotdog bun thrown at him and he fell down a few steps because he wasn’t being guided,” the source recalls.

“He told Camille, ‘Grab the checkbook and hire anyone and everyone’ who could get him out as soon as possible.”

Obviously, as a lifelong serial rapist, Cosby is deserving of absolutely zero sympathy.

But if the idea of a mostly-blind 81-year-old grandfather living out what might be his final years in state prison strikes you as tragically pathetic, fear not.

Life is easier for rich people everywhere — including prison.

Cosby will likely serve his sentence in a relatively cushy facility for “low risk” inmates, and a team of lawyers will descend on the place every time a guard so much as looks at him askance.

Fortunately, his treasured “legacy” has been thoroughly decimated, and Cosby’s many victims can hopefully rest easier knowing justice has somewhat been served.

And with any luck, Camille Cosby will soon see the value in being free of her monstrous husband.


Bill Cosby Sentenced to Prison; How Long Will He Serve?

Bill Cosby may spend the rest of his life in prison.

The disgraced comedian was sentenced to three-10 years behind bars on Tuesday, following his conviction in April on charges of drugging and raping Andrea Constand in 2004.

He will serve this time in state prison.

Cosby is currently 81 years old, so you can do the math in terms of whether he ever walks out of the big house a free man.

But many people will say this is the justice he deserves.

After more than 60 women came forward over the past few years and accused him of sexual assault, the public outcry was intense.

Heck, many people will say he deserves a far harsher punishment than he was handed today, but it’s no slap on the wrist.

Prior to his sentencing, Cosby was officially labeled a “sexually violent predator.”

This means his name will appear on a sex-offender registry, which is sent to neighbors and schools.

He also must commit to lifetime counseling and has been ordered to report quarterly to authorities.

Also in court Tuesday, prosecutors released Constand’s complete victim impact statement.

It was five pages in length and it detailed the harrowing experience of being sexually assaulted by Cosby, along with how this incident continued to plague her through life… up to and including today.

“I wasn’t sure what had actually happened but the pain spoke volumes,” she wrote of what transpired, adding:

“The shame was overwhelming. Self-doubt and confusion kept me from turning to my family or friends as I normally did.”

“I felt completely alone, unable to trust anyone, including myself…”

“The psychological, emotional and financial bullying included a slander campaign in the media that left my entire family reeling in shock and disbelief,” continued Constand in a lengthy message that we’ve excerpted below.

Focusing on the period shortly after the rape, during which she still had to work with Cosby in the Temple University athletic department, Constand wrote:

“The sound of his voice over the phone felt like a knife going through my guts.

“The sight of the man who drugged and sexually assaulted me coming into the basketball office filled me with dread…”


Following a mistrial in the summer of 2017, Cosby’s re-trial lasted 13 days this past spring.

It included testimony from Constand and five other women who claim they were also drugged and sexually assaulted by the disgusting star.

Despite the influx of women who have accused him of these heinous crimes, Cosby has maintained his innocence.

He’s even joked about the allegations and said at times that the women (like, ALL the women) were simply racist and had it out for him; a very famous African-American role model.

Seriously, Cosby has to be one of the worst handful of people on the planet.

Over two days in mid-April, however, Constand testified that Cosby gave her wine and three blue pills to “take the edge off” before he sexually assaulted her at his home near Philadelphia in January of 2004.

“When the sexual assault happened, I was a young woman brimming with confidence and looking forward to a future bright with possibilities,” she wrote the aforementioned impact statement.

“Now, almost 15 years later, I’m a middle-aged woman who’s been stuck in a holding pattern for most of her adult life, unable to heal fully or to move forward.”

Throughout this entire ordeal, Cosby’s wife, Camille, and his daughters – Erika, Errin and Evin – have stood by the star’s side.

Camille even released a lengthy, blistering statement after her husband’s conviction five months ago, in which she said in part:

“This is mob justice, not real justice.”

That was her say at the time.

But Judge Steven T. O’Neill got the final say in court this afternoon, stating simply:

“It is time for justice in a court of law. The day has come. The time has come.”

UPDATE: Cosby was denied bail in court, handcuffed and taken straight to jail.