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Chip & Joanna Gaines Accused of Child Neglect By Raving Psycho

Even if you’ve never seen an episode of HGTV’s Fixer Upper, you’re probably familiar with Chip and Joanna Gaines

The handy couple is so ubiquitous that even now that they’ve stepped away from the show that made them famous, it seems one can’t log on to social media or scan the magazines in the checkout lane without seeing their photogenic faces.

And for one purveyor of scorching hot takes, that’s exactly the problem.

Daryl Austin is a USA Today columnist who thinks Chip and Joanna are 100% full of it.

He’s not denying that they built a successful media empire, and not he’s not predicting that they’ll fail in their efforts to create a popular retail brand.

No, Austin simply believes that the Gainses accomplished all of this at the expense of family togetherness.

He doesn’t have any proof that Chip and Joanna are neglecting their kids, but anyone that successful must be, right?!

We wish we were joking, but that really is the thrust of Austin’s argument.

In a recent piece entitled “Sorry but someone has to say it: Chip and Joanna Gaines do NOT put family first,” Austin claims that Chip and Joanna must be crappy parents because of how much they work.

The whole piece is imminently quotable, but we’ll just hit you with some choice excerpts:

“[Chip and Joanna] don’t want to be seen simply as a couple that can do it all. They want to be seen as a couple that can do it all while at the same time making their family their top priority,” Austin writes.

“This is just not possible, and it does a disservice to the parents who really are putting their children first.”

As fans of the couple know, Chip and Joanna are expecting their fifth child, and in their early 40s, they don’t seem to have lost a step.

This is simply not okay with Daryl Austin.

“No matter how rich and famous, we are all limited by the same 24 hours in a day,” he argues.

“You cannot do all they’ve done (or even a fraction of it) and still have any real time left over for family.”

So if you have kids, you just go ahead and toss all your career goals in the trash, because there’s simply no way for you to accomplish even a fraction of what Chip and Joanna have achieved now that you’ve committed the fatal error of procreation.

Austin doesn’t say exactly what fraction will cause you to absent-mindedly wrap a diaper around a frozen turkey and put your infant in the oven, but you better believe it’s low! 

We’d shoot him an email and ask for more details, but we assume Daryl is busy explaining to his children that he would be a columnist for the New York Times right now if he’d only worn a condom.

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Teen Mom OG Recap: I’m Done With Her F–king Psycho Ass!

This week on Teen Mom OG, the drama continued for MTV’s fab four, perhaps most notably for Amber Portwood and fiance Matt Baier.

Her fiance for the moment, we should say.

On Teen Mom OG Season 4 Episode 8, signs of strain in Amber’s relationship with fiancé Matt boiled over during a trip to Las Vegas.

Mamber went with their friends, Wayne and Annette, with the intent of helping them find a wedding venue for their upcoming nuptials.

You may recall the rumors swirling during that trip about Matt Baier and Amber Portwood eloping in Vegas that very same weekend.

Well, it turns out that was pretty close to being true.

Portwood asked Annette, who had been with Wayne for 32 (!) years, for advice on how to make such a long-lasting relationship work.

“I’ve been through so much s–t with him,” said Amber, with this clearly weighing on her. “It would blow your mind. It’s hard to just forget things.”

“I can forgive things [more] easily than I can forget.”

The term “baggage” doesn’t begin to cover it with Matt, who made this even weirder when he asked if she would ELOPE RIGHT THERE.

“I’m not doing it without [Leah]. She’s 8,” Ambs said.

“I’m not doing it without her.”

Matt then pushed her.

“Let’s just f–king do it,” Baier said, at which point Amber called her brother, Shawn, to run the idea by him. Shawn’s take? “Not cool.”

Fair, but somehow, to Matt, this was tantamount to a major rejection and he pulled a total 180, venting to a producer, “I will not marry her.”

“I will not marry her now, ever. I will make that statement. She wants to marry her brother. That’s who she wants to marry. F–k her.”

“She just humiliated me on TV.”

“I’m done. Done!”

He’s not quite done, of course, as they talked about this incident later, on camera, with the father of eight telling his fiancee:

“I forgive you for humiliating me now on TV.”

Amber feels like they are “already married,” to which the Teen Mom superfan responded, “We must be married. I already don’t like you.”

Wow. And it gets better. Matt, still feeling spurned, actually approached a producer in a bid to KEEP THIS PLOT LINE FROM AIRING!

The producer said it wasn’t their call, to which Matt said, “I will fake this the rest of the day but I am done with her f–king psycho ass.”

Seconds later, he leaned in for a kiss.

“I love you,” he told Amber Portwood.

This guy is bad, bad news, right?

In other news that pales in comparison to the drama in Vegas, Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra worked on their fashion line, Tierra Reign.

“I want stuff that, like, looks sweet,” he said, and like magic, a brand was born. Butch even watched Nova while they took a big meeting.

“I’m watching Nova again?” Butch joked, seemingly anticipating the comments on Twitter. “You sure? ‘Cause I just got back from parole.”

Over in the mercurial world of Farrah Abraham, she and her mother Debra Danielsen headed out to L.A. for some hypnotherapy.

You can’t make this stuff up … except that someone probably did, because the whole things comes off as hilariously contrived nonsense.

In any case, Kevin Stone tried to help them hash things out as Farrah and Debra admitted they needed help with relationships.

After waking up from a trance, an uncharacteristically happy Farrah said she has “come to realize I need to start dating other guys.”

Then she met up with … Simon Saran.

Sticking to her guns, she told her on-off lover, “I think we should be friends.” And like for real. “Like, not friends with benefits.”

Simon agreed but wiped away a tear of disappointment. The thought of losing “benefits” with Farrah Abraham must cut deep.

Finally, Maci Bookout received a shocking text from a friend about Ryan Edwards, the long-troubled father of her son Bentley.

About what? Maci said, “I got some information about Ryan and certain things he’s doing and stuff that aren’t very good at all.”

“I’m not gonna go into specifics,” she said, but in Bookout’s view, this was crisis material. “It’s like scary stuff. Really scary stuff.”

Maci wouldn’t tell producers, but added, “People are gonna be like, ‘Oh he’s doing drugs.’ I did not know the severity of what is going on.”

Is Ryan Edwards on drugs?!

He’s denied this, but Maci was shaken up, telling her husband Taylor McKinney, “Obviously our No. 1 priority is Bentley’s safety.”

“Ryan is his dad,” though, and Bookout said she planned to reach out to Edwards’ parents with whatever information she had.

“We have to get Jen and Larry on board. The goal is to get him healthy and happy and back to normal. If I can’t do that, I at least have to try.” 

What the heck was that text?!

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Teen Mom 2 Recap: Is Javi Marroquin a Home-Invading Psycho!?

Monday on Teen Mom 2, Jenelle and Barbara Evans’ feud came to a head, as did ongoing tensions between Kailyn Lowry and Javi Marroquin.

Big surprise on both fronts, we know.

When Teen Mom 2 Season 8 Episode 10 got underway, Kailyn’s entire storyline focused around fighting with her ex-husband, as usual.

If you watch Teen Mom 2 online, you won’t see any of the biggest drama, because it happened when the film crew wasn’t there for it.

We got to hear her talking about it, though, and talk about it she did, describing how “psycho” Javi broke into her house in a fit of rage.

His goal? Ransacking her place to see if anyone was living there with her. His version of events, told later to friends, was a bit different.

He was going over there to pick up the kids, he said, though he acknowledged hopping a fence and breaking in, for reasons unknown.

In any case, as the cops told Kail, there’s not a lot they can do with those accounts and considering the house is technically still his too.

As we all know by now, Kailyn Lowry is pregnant again, and Javi Marroquin is not happy about it, providing an interesting subtext here.

We didn’t know this at the time this was filmed, but watching these events, you can see why Kailyn got a protective order against Javi.

Lowry’s friend Sterling backed up her side of events to producers (JC Cueva among them), calling Javi’s behavior scary and terrifying.

Even Jo Rivera, who was staying neutral between Javi and Kail, felt he crossed a line by scaring son Isaac with the breaking and entering.

Jo was clearly onto something, as Javi’s behavior – whatever and however he wants to say about it – is clearly impacting Kailyn’s kids.

A few days later, when Kailyn showed up to get Lincoln, her son with Javi, and Javi wouldn’t let him go, leading to a fight in the driveway.

In less insane news, Chelsea Houska got one of “those fake babies in home ec” for her fiancé, Cole, and daughter, Aubree, to practice with.

Yes, that’s what Houska’s storylines have become.

She’s so pulled together that producers have to manufacture reasons to keep her on camera, which if you think about it, is quite a compliment.

Meanwhile, Leah Messer was considering going back to beauty school, which she attended once, but failed to finish that first time.

The program director was more than willing to welcome her back, but pursuing her education takes time, which she has little of.

Fortunately, it doesn’t look like Leah is pregnant with her fourth child, but she’s got three kids by two exes, and a lot on her plate.

In Jenelle Evans’ world, the Teen Mom 2 terror vowed to be “civil” with her mother Barbara this week, but ended up at odds with her.

Big surprise there, right? She told fiance David Eason that if her mom kept fighting her over custody, she’d become “more distant than ever.”

She was true to her word, for what that’s worth (a lot of awkwardness), as Jenelle escalated their ensuing conversation into a shouting match.

Her son, Jace, sat there looking uncomfortable in what must be a sadly familiar situation for him as Jenelle went at his grandma and guardian.

Accusing her own mother of only being interested in screen time, Jenelle ripped MTV’s camera from her car’s dashboard in a fit of rage.

Barb ended up storming off, promising that if she got custody, Jenelle would have limited visitation … why can’t these two just get along?!

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