The Secret Service better seriously check that soccer ball Vladimir Putin gave Donald Trump at their summit, because security experts tell us there’s a simple way of putting a bugging device inside that is difficult to detect. As you know, Trump…
If you were anywhere near social media yesterday, you may have noticed that the entire internet briefly set aside cat videos and celebrity butts in order to briefly focus on something slightly more important — namely, a US president just casually committing treason on live TV.
Yes, in case you somehow haven’t heard, the passionate bromance of Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin continued yesterday, and it was different from all those other times an American president sang the praises of a hostile foreign dictator who was standing right next to him, in that it actually happened in real life and wasn’t part of some terrifying Orwellian nightmare.
Obviously, the hot takes were everywhere on social media yesterday, with just about everyone roasting poor Donnie to a crisp for essentially getting dominated by a powerful Russian on TV in what can only be described as a reverse-Rocky IV.
Even prominent members of the GOP spoke out against Trump’s embarrassing display of supplication.
Of course, if you’re wondering if any of them will do anything about it by, say, running against Trump in the 2020 primaries, the answer remains “hell no,” because ultimately, ceding control of our country to a corrupt superpower is a small price to pay in exchange for corporate tax cuts.
No, the task of usurping Donnie Despot will once again fall to the Dems, who will again be forced to rely upon a much smaller arsenal of weapons than their opponents.
While the Trump campaign will continue to enjoy the support of state TV and an army of Russian bots, whoever runs against the president will be forced to rely on old-fashioned tools such as “words” and “the truth.”
Obviously, those instruments didn’t prove very reliable for Hillary Clinton in 2016, but that hasn’t stopped the rightful president from continuing to take shots at the Ruskie-installed puppet that currently occupies the White House:
“Great World Cup. Question for President Trump as he meets Putin: Do you know which team you play for?” Clinton tweeted when the soccer tournament wrapped up on Sunday.
She followed that up yesterday with a succinct yet potent burn:
“Well, now we know,” Clinton tweeted.
And if you think Clinton is exaggerating, you should really go back and watch that press conference again.
Trump basically had cartoon hearts orbiting that fleshy tube he calls a head the entire time.
Of course, what’s really troublesome about the Helsinki summit is not what was said on camera, but what may have transpired behind closed doors.
But if you’re finding that thought too horrible to contemplate today, you may want to focus instead on the moment when Trump threw a soccer ball at his wife.
You know it was a weird-ass press conference when that instant of hilariously unathletic awkwardness doesn’t even crack the top five on the list of weirdest sh-t that happened.
Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re gonna try and find out if we’ll need to buy new computers once the takeover is complete, or if there’s some sort of keyboard command for all those backward Ks and Rs in the Russian alphabet.
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One of the scariest things about Donald Trump — and this is really saying something, seeing as how we're talking about a man who might actually be Satan's puppet — is his strange relationship with Vladimir Putin.
Reports have claimed that Putin ordered a series of cyber-attacks with the goal of getting Trump in the White House, which is more than bad enough.
But throw in that now infamous dossier, the one that alleges that Putin has been "cultivating, supporting and assisting" Trump for years now.
According to the documents, Trump and his people accepted "a regular flow of intelligence from the Kremlin" all throughout his campaign, and his lawyer met with Russian officials to discuss a pay-off for that stellar hacking job.
Oh, and who could forget that little thing about Trump allegedly paying Russian prostitutes so that he could watch them pee on a bed the Obamas had slept in?
Trump and Putin seem to be very close, besties even, and that's pretty alarming.
But trust Saturday Night Live to take all that terror and make it funny.
In last night's cold open, the first since Trump officially became president, Beck Bennett offered up a message to Americans as Putin.
We laugh to keep from crying, but also we laugh because this is pretty great.
See SNL's Putin in the video below: