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Fifty Shades Freed Reviews: What an Unsatisfying Climax!

Fifty Shades Freed is an actual name of an actual movie.

Based on the following reviews, meanwhile, it also may be the best part of said movie.

The final installment of a much-maligned trilogy, Fifty Shades Freed once again stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, as the actors have a lot of rough sex and get engaged in a lot of ridiculous plot machinations.

Just how terrible is Fifty Shades Freed?

Scroll down to read the most scathing reviews!

1. Entertainment Weekly, Chris Nashawaty

Entertainment weekly chris nashawaty
The thriller plot with Hyde is wafer thin. So director James Foley (yes, the same James Foley who somehow once directed Glengarry Glen Ross and then apparently lost a bet with Satan) appeals to our collective weakness for materialistic envy with ritzy mountain vacations, bubble baths, and visits to the infamous Red Room of Pain. As an actress, Johnson sells all of this hooey better than Dornan, who, three films in, hasn’t gotten much better as an actor.

2. Vulture, Emily Yoshida

Vulture emily yoshida
[These films] look more out of step with the times than ever. As the trilogy goes out, more desperate than ever to convince us it was in on the joke all along, it’s hard to say exactly what the joke was.

3. The Guardian, Benjamin Lee

The guardian benjamin lee
The dialogue just exists. Its purpose is to slowly edge the feather-light plot forward rather than provide any depth or humor to any interaction. There’s more of an attempt here to add the loose outline of a thriller narrative to occupy the scenes when they’re not having boring sex but it’s of the daytime soap variety (at one point a character gets kidnapped outside a gym). There’s never any real danger or real emotion or real anything here, to be honest, it’s as if it’s playing in the background, and no one involved can be bothered to add color or life or even a frisson of passion.

4. The Wrap, Anna Hartley

The wrap anna hartley
Although it tries to hide it by cramming in fist fights, car chases and kidnapping, “Fifty Shades Freed” suffers from a lack of rhythm, moving from plot point to plot point with as much spontaneity as meal-planning for one’s luxury penthouse household with one’s housekeeper. It’s clichéd, stodgy and overly faithful to the original books. But at the end of the day, who cares?

5. Collider, Matt Goldberg

Collider matt goldberg
There’s a lot I could tolerate with these movies—the fact that they worship at the altar of wealth and confuse gratuitous displays of money with love (I know Christian can whisk Ana away to Aspen whenever he wants, but I’d be shocked if he knew the title of her favorite book); that Dornan and Johnson clearly despise each other (the only scene where they seem to have any connection is one where Ana and Christian are angrily yelling at each other); and that the sex scenes are bland because there’s no chemistry between the actors. But I draw the line at trying to normalize someone like Christian without ever forcing him to change his behavior.

6. The Telegraph, Robbie Collin

The telegraph robbie collin
This is a film in which one of the more emotionally detailed performances is given by a product-placement Audi.

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Kim Kardashian Shades Taylor Swift, Blac Chyna & The Rest of Her Enemies List

On the surface, it may not seem like Kim Kardashian and Richard Nixon have a whole lot in common, but dig a little deeper, and you’ll realize they’re more similar than they appear.

Both will be forever associated with scandalous tapes; both have complicated relationships with their mothers; and both understand the importance of a comprehensive enemies list.

Us peasant people might have one or two enemies – perhaps one Starbucks barista who always spells your name wrong, and another who always glares at you for walking across his freshly mopped floor – but the rich and powerful often have more foes than they can easily keep track of.

And that’s where the value of a well-organized enemies list comes into play.

Kim recently became a mother of three, and she says she’s in the best shape of her life these days.

She’s leveling up in every way possible for 2018, and apparently, that includes taking her pettiness to new heights.

And what does that mean for her carefully-cultivated catalog of adversaries?

Kim Kardashian Valentines

Why, it means they get roasted with blue Valentines, of course.

Kim has a new fragrance out, and she’s promoting it by delivering samples encased in chocolate hearts to some of her celebrity associates … even the ones she doesn’t like.

Mrs. Kardashian-West posted a Snapchat video detailing her plan, and as you can, see the recipients in blue comprise a special class:

“I’m going to send them to my lovers, to my haters, to everyone that I think of, because it’s Valentine’s Day, after all,” Kim said in the clip.

So it looks like we now have the definitive list of Kim’s haters:

There’s Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, Bette Midler, and Chloe Grace Moretz – who have all called out Kim’s nudes over the years.

There’s Blac Chyna and Taylor Swift (no big surprises there).

There’s Naya Rivera, Wendy Williams, and Pink, all of whom have mom-shamed Kim at one point or another (or at least they have in Kim’s eyes).

And there are some surprises in the mix, as well.

(Since when do Kim and Sarah Michelle Gellar have beef?)!

In all fairness, this might be Kim’s way of extending an olive branch – but we prefer to think of it as gloriously subtle shade.

Yes, the first non-Tide Pod-related trend of 2018 is officially here, so send a blue Valentine to your haters today!

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Kim Kardashian: If Lamar Odom Shades Khloe Again, I’ll RUIN Him!!

Recently, Kim Kardashian slammed Lamar Odom on Twitter, going right for the jugular after he shared some unkind words about Khloe.

Kim’s not going to let anyone trash-talk her sister, least of all her sister’s ex. And, according to this report, she’ll go as far as it takes to keep Lamar’s trap shut — even resorting to threats to spill his secrets.

This is Lamar Odom, folks. We’re sure that Kim has plenty of ammunition.

Recently, Lamar Odom threw some shade in the direction of his ex, Khloe Kardashian.

Like all good shade, the insults weren’t direct. In fact, it started with compliments and praise.

“I’m happy for her.”

Referring, of course, to Khloe’s pregnancy with Tristan Thompson’s baby.

“She took care of me. She’ll be a good mother, for real. She’s a great woman.”

He mentions the matching tattoos that he and Khloe got when they tied the knot.

“I got my shawty’s name still on me, her initials still on me. But for no reason.”

By which he of course means that there’s no particular reason for which he hasn’t yet gotten around to getting his tattoo removed.

Again, he just hasn’t gotten around to it. He’s not still clinging to hope or whatever.

“I understand when it’s over, it’s over.”

And this is when he gets nasty.

“When she was with her second or third NBA ball player, I could see that.”

Oh!

And Kim Kardashian fired back on Twitter:

“Or second or third brothel,” referring to how Lamar Odom famously had a scary health crisis in a brothel.

RadarOnline reports that Kim Kardashian “is willing to do whatever it takes to keep him away from her sister.”

And apparently, she’s willing to spill Lamar’s secrets if necessary.

“Kim is all about protecting her family — and, of course, protecting her family’s image.”

That’s no surprise. The Kardashian brand is tied to their family’s image.

And just look at what Kim did to Taylor Swift when she felt like Taylor was a threat to Kanye’s image.

“After everything they did for Lamar, she won’t have him trying to make Khloe look bad, particularly when she has moved on with her life.”

RadarOnline‘s sources also claim that Kim has reached out to Lamar, privately, to caution him against speaking out against Khloe any further.

“Kim doesn’t want him anywhere near her family.”

It sounds like she feels like Lamar is toxic.

“She has made it clear that she has a ton of dirt on Lamar, and wouldn’t hesitate to spill all if it comes to that.”

Now, we don’t know that Kim is actually prepared to blackmail Lamar into being nice to his ex.

It is, however, understandable that she’s feeling so protective of Khloe. And, quite frankly, Lamar has zero room to talk.

There’s nothing wrong with hiring sex workers, of course. But there is something wrong with suggesting that Khloe is promiscuous and chases after one type of man when his own predilections are so well-known.

What other secrets does Kim have to spill, we wonder?

If Lamar does the smart thing, we may never find out.

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Brielle Biermann Shades NeNe Leakes, Calls Her Old AF

Brielle Biermann is back to shading NeNe Leakes on social media. She sure knows how to kick a costar when she’s down, huh?

So it sounds like their feud is still going strong.

At least nobody’s accusing the other of having a cockroach infestation in their bathroom and/or vagina this time. Progress?

Okay, so, a while back, NeNe Leakes and Brielle Biermann’s feud really took off when Brielle shared a video of cockroaches that she claimed to have found in the bathroom at a party hosted by NeNe.

(A perfectly clean home can have bug infestations — sometimes it’s all about where your house is located)

NeNe did not take this calmly, and responded with an angry rant in which she, among other things:

-Accused Brielle of having brought the roaches herself

-Suggested that Brielle Biermann’s genitals were the true source of the roach infestation

It’s not that the two of them had ever really gotten along — NeNe and Kim Zolciak always feuded, but Brielle is younger and hotter and feuding with her brings more attention.

Well, they say that being a celebrity is all fun and games until you tell a fan that you hope that she gets raped.

At least, they say that now, after NeNe Leakes’ disastrous decision when she lashed out at a heckler.

(Almost as shocking was the revelation that NeNe Leakes does stand-up comedy)

The backlash was huge after a video of that surfaced. And you know, it should be.

NeNe apologized … but apologies don’t make things go away, folks.

Aaaand, well, NeNe has been shunned by fellow Real Housewives over it.

(Honestly, can you blame them?)

But it looks like Brielle decided to throw NeNe Leakes a bone … by insulting her on social media.

That might not sound like a favor to most folks, but the way that we see it, anything that gives NeNe something to talk about other than that time she wished rape upon someone is a gift.

So, there’s a photo of NeNe Leakes with Kenya Moore and Cynthia Bailey. They’re costars, they show up in photos together.

The Shade Room posted the photo, asking people to suggest names for that “girl group.”

Brielle simply could not resist, and commented:

“Xtinct”

(A direct play on The Real Housewives of Atlanta costar Kandi Burruss’ group, Xcape)

After this comment drew the collective gasps of the internet, Brielle added a follow-up comment:

“Relax it’s all fun & games I wish the golden girls happiness.”

So, in other words, Brielle “assured” fans that she’s just teasing her costars … and then immediately called them old.

(Yes, that’s definitely a deliberate Golden Girls reference … Brielle may be young, but she has too many gay friends for that to not be a nod to The Golden Girls and therefore calling all three women old)

The Shade Room then referred to Brielle’s comments as “being petty.”

Both Brielle and Kim Zolciak hit like, so clearly they didn’t mind being called out.

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Fifty Shades Freed: See the Hot Full-Length Trailer!

What did we ever do to deserve the sexy, sexy magic that is the Fifty Shades of Grey series?

The books, the movies, all of it is just so good.

Maybe you think it's good because you genuinely like it, maybe you think it's good because it makes you feel funny in your pants, or maybe you just appreciate it for what it is: a dumb, trashy, fun bit of entertainment.

Either way, does it really matter?

Fifty Shades of Grey has a little something for everybody, and if you don't believe it, then just check out the new trailer for Fifty Shades Freed, the final film in the franchise.

Then you'll see.

This is actually the first official trailer for the movie — we've seen a few teasers, but this is the first real look we're getting.

And it's amazing.

The trailer starts by reminding us that Anastasia and Christian are married now — we know that because he tells her "Good morning, wife," and then she answers with "Good morning, husband."

They go on a fancy honeymoon, he spends a ridiculous amount of money and licks her leg. You know, just married people things.

When they get back home, it turns out that they have a different home, because he went and bought a house without discussing it with her.

It's not because he's possessive and controlling, it's because he's romantic. Right?

Later on, Ana is driving around town with Christian when he notices they're being followed, so she does some slick maneuvers to get away from the other car, which is something she would totally know how to do.

 

And then … oh, and then Ana's deranged old boss, Jack Hyde, calls her up, looking more psychotic than ever.

What does he want? The trailer doesn't make it clear, but later we see him holding a knife to her throat, so it's nothing good.

What else? Ana gets jealous because Christian hangs out with that older woman who turned him onto all this BDSM business, someone gets punched in a club, for some reason.

And don't forget all the sex!

Check out the whole wild show in the video below:

Fifty shades freed see the hot full length trailer
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