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Ted Cruz Attempts to Appear Human With Simpsons Joke, Fails

Ralph Wiggum. The monorail episode. Steamed Hams. 

The Simpsons has given us so much over the course of its multi-decade run that it’s not surprising when someone makes an effort to piggyback on the show’s unprecedented success.

But it is surprising when someone botches the attempt as badly as Ted Cruz did today.

You might know Cruz from his failed bid for the GOP presidential nomination, or for his intriguing love of incest porn.

Either way, you’re probably aware that the Texas senator embodies awkward in a way that few human beings ever have.

So when Zodiac Ted attempted to appeal to the groovy youths with a reference to the hippest 26-year-old animated sitcom on TV, it predictably went about as smoothly as the time Homer ate those Guatemalan Insanity Peppers.

Appearing at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference today, Cruz attempted to explain the current political climate using an awkward analogy involving America’s favorite non-Obama family.

“The Democrats are the party of Lisa Simpson and Republicans are happily the party of Homer, Bart, Maggie and Marge,” Cruz told the assembled Chads and Ashleys.

Soooo … Democrats are the nation’s conscientious intellectuals and Republicans are its suckling infants?

No matter where you fall on the political spectrum we think you’ll agree that Ted’s analogy game could use some work.

The weird thing is, this is far from the first time that Cruz has referenced The Simpsons.

He claims to love the show, which makes his simplistic understanding of its characters all the more baffling.

Lisa is an egghead and the rest of the family is made up of red-blooded patriots?!

Take that Tracy Ullman-ass analysis back to 1989, homie.

Not surprisingly, some of the biggest talents behind the show’s success took issue with Ted’s interpretation of their work.

“Ted Cruz says Maggie Simpson would vote for him,” tweeted longtime showrunner Al Jean.

“I think Ted’s the one who could use a pacifier in his mouth.”

Jean added that Springfield’s most famous capitalist might have issued his final “fine mahok”:

“The way things are going even Mr. Burns is thinking of becoming a Democrat,” he wrote.

And Jean certainly wasn’t alone in his criticism of Cruz’s comments.

Many pointed out that The Simpsons savagely mocked the idea of a Trump presidency way back in 2000, which seems a fair indication that few of the show’s characters would be onboard with the present GOP agenda.

Tens of thousands went full Nelson Muntz on Cruz in the hours after his quote went public, but the most scathing burn may have come from longtime animator Anna Maltese:

“As a Simpsons animator for many years, I can say with 100% certainty that A) Lisa is officially the conscience of the family so…awesome.  B) Neither Marge nor Homer are Republicans,” Maltese tweeted bluntly.

We’re sure this isn’t as irritating to Cruz as having to continually deny that his dad killed JFK, but we’re guessing he’s not feeling particularly cromulent at the moment.