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Javi Marroquin Achieves #PeakBro Status, Opens CrossFit Gym

If you’re anything like us, you’ve avoided CrossFit and its enthusiasts with the sort of aggressive disdain that most folks reserve for sanctimonious vegans or people who love to tell you about their dreams.

But for reasons we don’t fully understand, the fitness brand is wildly popular these days, and Javi Marroquin is looking to capitalize on the trend.

Javi took to Instagram this week to announce that he’s opening his own CrossFit gym in Smyrna, Delaware, which is apparently a place.

Marroquin announced the news with a triumphant video addressed to his followers.

“DREAM COME TRUE!” Javi captioned the announcement below.

“So I’m taking a big leap here and going to open up my own business,” he continued.

“This has always been in the back of my mind for years.

“I was always scared to take the first jump and go after it. After talking with my family and loved ones, @crossfitkillshot will be opening soon in Smyrna, DE!”

Javi elaborated on the news in the video itself, adding:

“I am going to go ahead and open my own CrossFit affiliate called CrossFit Killshot,” said an exuberant Javi.

Marroquin goes on to encourage fans to follow the IG page for his new business venture, adding:

“Stay tuned for more updates.”

Sounds pretty straightforward, but to be honest we have a lot of questions:

Is Javi prepared for his insurance to skyrocket after a soccer mom from Dover inevitably takes a kettlebell to the skull?

And what in the hell inspired the douchetastic name Killshot?

Is it inspired by Eminem’s Machine Gun Kelly diss track of the same name?

If so, we’re gonna have to go ahead and encourage all Delaware residents to boycott Javi’s gym on general principle.

But the most important question of all, of course, is — what does Lauren Comeau think of all this?

As you’re probably aware, Javi and Lauren are expecting their first child together, and they recently bought a house.

So even though they’re not officially man and wife, their finances are pretty well intertwined.

Hopefully, Javi consulted Lauren before jumping into this thing.

Sounds like a no-brainer, but all those years of six-digit reality show earnings may have blinded him to the financial concerns of regular folk.

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Kylie Jenner: Low-Rated Reality Show Renewed Due to Billionaire Status?

There are perks to being a billionaire that go well beyond having more money than you could ever spend in three lifetimes.

For evidence of this, look no further than Elon Musk, who’s basically transforming into a cartoonish supervillain before our eyes, yet still has millions of fanboys hoping he’ll launch another car into space for fun.

Fortunately, as far as we can tell, Kylie Jenner doesn’t have anything so nefarious as global domination on her agenda.

But that might just be because she hasn’t officially joined the ultra-exclusive Billionaires Club … yet.

As you may have heard Kylie covers the new issue of Forbes, and the magazine reports that at the rate her cosmetics brand is currently growing, the youngest Jenner sister will be worth a cool billion next year at the ripe old age of 21.

That would make her the youngest “self-made” billionaire in history.

(A lot of folks have taken issue with Forbes failure to address the fact that Kylie had a lot of help reaching that milestone, but that’s a conversation for another time.)

Currently, Kylie’s makeup brand is worth about $ 800 billion and she’s raked in about $ 100 million from other ventures.

Needless to say, everything’s coming up Kylie these days, and her astonishing financial interests have revived interest in Kylie’s life and career.

Kylie disappeared from social media while she was pregnant with daughter Stormi but now she’s back and bigger than ever.

And for obvious reasons, everyone wants to be in the Kylie Jenner business nowadays.

You may have forgotten about the Keeping Up With the Kardashians spinoff entitled Life of Kylie that debuted on E! last year.

We say because pretty no one watched the thing.

The ratings for Kylie’s reality show were astonishingly low, and it was widely assumed that the series had been quietly canceled.

But in the wake of Kylie’s astonishing personal and professional success, E! has reportedly decided to give the series a second chance.

“The footage for the second season of Life of Kylie is all pretty much shot. It will follow her life after the birth of her daughter Stormi,” a source tells Radar Online.

“Fans are really interested in seeing Kylie as a mom to Stormi, and they are also really interested in seeing how she made such a massive fortune in such a short period of time.”

Yes, it seems that the public perception of Kylie has changed dramatically in recent weeks, and her reputation has enjoyed a major rebound.

“She is now a role model to so many women out there who think they cannot raise a baby and have a successful career,” says the insider.

The salary from starring and executive producing a second season might help Kylie to reach her new goal:

Apparently, she wants to reach the billion-dollar mark before her 21st birthday next month.

“Cameras will absolutely be filming for her celebration,” the source revealed.

“Right now, Kylie is just determined to hit the billion-dollar mark in one month and she isn’t letting anything stand in her way.”

Fans have jokingly set up GoFundMe pages in order to raise $ 100 million for Kylie, but we’re thinking hitting the mark in the next few weeks is a major long shot.

Even so, we can’t think of a more worthy cause, so you should absolutely go to one of those pages and donate your entire life’s savings to Kylie.

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Chris Pratt Gives Status Update on His Facebook Impostor, Shuns Online Dating

Chris Pratt, who just filed for divorce, will not join the hordes on online dating services. We got Chris leaving Jimmy Kimmel’s studio in L.A. Monday night, and asked for a status update on his Facebook impostor sitch. Sounds like it’s still…

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