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Two-Pump Trump: Stormy Daniels Says Prez Sucks in Bed, Wants to Bang Ivanka

As President of the United States, Donald Trump has a historically low job approval rating, having never once topped 50 percent.

According to adult film actress and frequent Trump foil Stormy Daniels, his performance in the sack also leaves a lot to be desired.

In an interview published Tuesday in Vogue, Daniels – who famously alleges a 2006 tryst with Trump – opens up about their encounter.

Well, what little there was of it, anyway.

“How many details can you really give about two minutes?” she says, asked by the magazine to describe boning Trump.

When the interviewer asked if it was really just two minutes, Daniels wasn’t sure, adding: “Maybe. I’m being generous.”

Damn. That’s gotta hurt, Donnie.

We suppose it’s not altogether shocking. Trump doesn’t spend much time working nowadays, prefering to watch TV and use Twitter.

Two minutes is an eternity for him to pay attention to anything, and living such a sad, lonely sedentary lifestyle can’t be good for virility.

In any case, the porn star – who is famously suing Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen – has never shied away from calling him out.

Their affair, which allegedly took place after a celebrity golf tournament, and not long after he married Melania, was … boring, she says.

“It was textbook generic,” she said of the sexual experience. “It wasn’t like, ‘Oh my God, I love you.’ He wasn’t like Fabio or anything.”

Regarding Trump’s relationship with Melania, Daniels says that Trump told her not to worry about his life … well, that aspect of it.

One thing Trump loves to talk about is his hot daughter Ivanka, to whom he likened Stormy. That’s gotta be flattering … or creepy.

“He bragged about his daughter [Ivanka] quite a bit though. He was very proud of her, which is nice,” Stormy recalls.

“He told me once that I was someone to be reckoned with, someone beautiful and smart like his daughter,” Daniels added.

“I guess that’s a compliment.” 

This is a guy who mused about his other daughter Tiffany Trump’s boobs when she was an infant, so it’s something, alright.

Stormy claims that Trump was somewhat star-struck in meeting her, and even asked for an autograph after their encounter.

Dear Donnie, that was the least exciting 45 seconds of my life, but hey, it’s tough without a condom. Love, Stormy xo

The blowback from Trump’s affair with Daniels has lasted a hell of a lot longer than he does in bed, as evidenced by last week.

His former lawyer, Cohen, now admits paying off Daniels in the weeks before the 2016 election to keep quiet about the affair.

Saying that he did so at the direction of Trump, Cohen pleaded guilty to felony charges and faces several years behind bars.

Daniels took a victory lap, and with the help of her ubiquitous lawyer Michael Avenatti, we’re guessing it won’t be her last.

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Khloe Kardashian to Tristan Thompson: Cleveland Sucks! We’re Living in LA!

Many were shocked when Khloe Kardashian made the decision not to dump Tristan Thompson after he was caught repeatedly cheating on her.

But perhaps no one found the news more surprising than Tristan himself.

You have to figure that dude thought he would be promptly kicked to the curb after footage of him canoodling with various strippers and NBA groupies made the rounds online.

And yet, all these months later, he and Khloe are still an item.

But if you were worried about Tristan getting off scot-free, fear not.

While it’s certainly true that he did plenty of getting off, it looks like he’s paying the price for all of that extra-marital activity.

For starters, Khloe and Tristan are in couple’s therapy these days, and we imagine those sessions consist of Tristan staring blankly at a wall and wishing death on J.R. Smith while Khloe and the therapist just unload on his ass.

On top of that, Tristan can kiss his carefree days in Drew Carey country goodbye.

Yes, it seems that just like LeBron before him, Tristan is moving to LA.

But while King James made the leap in hopes of securing another ring, Tristan did so because Khloe is holding all the cards these days.

It wasn’t all that long ago that the Kardashians issued Khloe an ultimatum — dump Tristan, or we’re dumping you.

They seem to have mellowed on that stance, but it still can’t be totally comfortable for Thompson to be living in the heart of Kard clan country.

Khloe, on the other hand, is loving every second of it.

She recently took to her personal website to gush about the joys of life in Calabasas:

“I’m over the moon about being home!” Khloe wrote.

“Of course, I missed my actual house immensely while I was in Cleveland — there’s nothing like enjoying your own home.”

Khloe went on to state that the best part of the experience is watching baby True interact with her cousins:

“I’m most excited about being so close to my family,” she added.

“Getting the kids together and having True do all of her classes with her cousins is a great feeling!” 

As for Tristan, well — he’s reportedly making the best of it.

Sources say the situation remains uncomfortable, but he’s managing to get along with Khloe’s mom and sisters.

One of the few upsides to being a bad Kardashian boyfriend is that it’s almost impossible to be the worst Kardashian boyfriend.

Sure, Tristan is bad, bus is he worse than, say, Scott Disick? Hardly.

Khloe and Tristan will reportedly spend the entire NBA offseason in LA, and then temporarily relocate to Cleveland.

We’re sure Thompson is counting the days.

In fact, he might be the only one looking forward to this Cavs season.

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Farrah Abraham: Tyler Balitierra Sucks! Stormy Daniels Is a Hero!

It's been an interesting week for the adult film industry.

Come to think of it, there probably aren't too many boring weeks when you get naked in front of strangers for a living, but this one has been particularly eventful.

Two of the world's most famous sex workers came under fire in very different ways, and they're both speaking out in defense of themselves and their colleagues.

On Wednesday night, Stormy Daniels was arrested while performing at a strip club in Ohio.

That same day, Teen Mom OG star Tyler Baltierra criticized Farrah Abraham, his former co-star who was fired as a result of her live online sex show.

Now, Farrah is speaking out in defense of porn stars and strippers everywhere — and it's all just as amusing and confusing as you would expect:

1. Farrah on Cam

Farrah abraham cam girl
Even though she was raking in a ton of cash from TMOG and her many side businesses, Farrah decided last year to start performing in live online sex shows.

2. The Veteran

Farrah backdoor teen mom
As fans know, it wasn’t her first foray into the adult entertainment world — Farrah has previously starred in a “sex tape” with the unforgettable title of Backdoor Teen Mom.

3. Free From Farrah

Catelynn lowell and tyler baltierra on dr oz
Sitting for an interview with Dr. Oz this week, Tyler Baltierra revealed that he and the rest of the cast are very glad to be free of Farrah.

4. Tyler Speaks Out

Tyler speaks out
Baltierra stated that he and the rest of the cast feel that Farrah’s lifestyle doesn’t align with the values of the show and that she served as a bad role model for TMOG’s younger audience members.

5. Team Tyler

Team tyler
Baltierra even gave a shout-out to the producers who kicked Farrah to the curb. “We had a lot of admiration and respect for how our production company handled it,” he added. “It was a good way to get it heard and do that they did.”

6. Farrah On the Warpath

Farrah abraham in a bowtie
Farrah, of course, is suing MTV’s parent company Viacom for wrongful dismissal. And she recently a completely batsh-t statement to TooFab in response to Tyler’s comments and the events of this week.

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The Bachelorette Recap: Man, Chris Sucks So Much!

Becca Kufrin finally lost it this week on The Bachelorette.

Did she read a few write-ups on the Internet about how she’s sort of boring and this season is a snooze? Maybe.

But it’s more that a couple men on the episode pissed Becca off to such a degree that she reacted by making an unprecedented decision…

Let’s start with the worst of them all: Chris.

He went into the group dead determined to make up for his behavior last week… only to get into an argument with Lincoln before the outing even got underway.

These suitors went at it over who would prevail on a two-on-one date, followed by Chris threatening Lincoln and accusing his foe of body-shaming him.

The two children men then actually debated each other at the Virginia capitol, as ABC gave them an actual platform to be all immature and combative.

Chris said Lincoln was all nasty, aggressive and offensive and added that Becca would be disgusted if she saw the guy he was when she wasn’t around.

Et tu, Lincoln?

At the after-party, Lincoln told Becca that he felt threatened by Chris and claimed Connor as well.

Chris – who was adamant he had done nothing wrong and was angry he kept having to defend himself – denied being emotionally abusive or physically threatening, yet Becca was irritated by the while situation and had to take some time to herself before she could speak to any of the other men.

She thought she was on this show to play footsie with potential husbands, not play mediator between petty self-cented douche canoes.

Later in the episode, a cocky Chris went to Becca’s hotel room, prepared to basically reboot their relationship.

The Bachelorette, though, was disturbed by how Chris had acted, not to mention the negative things she had heard about him.

As a result, she decided to send him home before the rose ceremony, labeling Chris a “very angry person” and explaining that he wasn’t the kind of guy with whom she wanted to spend her life.

And Chris responded with calm and understanding, right?

Nope: he proved Becca’s point by storming out and barely saying goodbye.

Elsewhere:

Becca got very personal with Jason, telling him about her dad’s death during their one-on-one date after he told her about his grandmother’s battle with Alzheimer’s.

Turns out, Becca’s father got sick when she was 14.

The doctors told him that he only had six months to live, but he managed to hold on for another five years.

Becca opened way up about watching her father take his last breath, and she felt like Jason could relate to how this experience made her appreciate her relationships in general, along with life itself.

Not surprisingly, Becca gave Jason a rose and noted that she could see herself ending up with him… FOREVER.

Meanwhile, Becca struggled to move past the events of the group date during her one-on-one date with Leo.

She just couldn’t push out of her mind how Chris and Lincoln had ruined everything with their rivalry.

However, once she talked to Leo about how she was feeling, the two had a decent time together.

With family also on his mind, Leo explained to Becca how he never felt good enough because he thought he let his father down, but she gave him a reason to keep his head raised high for at least another week, giving him a rose.

Still, in the end, Becca was too stressed out from the group date to even host a cocktail party.

She made the unusual choice to cancel this event — and then sent Lincoln and Connor packing during the rose ceremony.

Can you blame her?

Go ahead and read through our section of The Bachelorette spoilers if you wish to see what happens next.

And click below to watch The Bachelorette online if want to relive what happened last night:

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Khloe Kardashian: Mommy-Shaming is Real and It SUCKS!

You’d think that when it comes to Khloe Kardashian, people would be kind enough to give her a little bit of a break, after everything that’s been happening with her.

After all, the girl hasn’t exactly had it easy lately.

Sure, she’s rich and famous and beautiful and all that, so she’s got that stuff going for her.

But she also just welcomed a baby with a man who’s been very publicly cheating on her for at least her entire pregnancy.

And that can’t be easy.

Tristan Thompson’s infidelity was revealed just days before Khloe gave birth to their daughter, True, and while it wasn’t clear at first if she’d stay with him or not, we’d say it’s clear now.

She’s still living with him in Cleveland, and she’s been publicly showing her support of him at his NBA games.

It’s always seemed like Khloe has a real “stand by your man” mentality, for better or for worse — just think about how long she stayed with Lamar Odom, knowing now how bad things must have been for her.

You may think that’s admirable, you may think it’s dumb, but the point remains that she’s in a tough situation, and she can’t be in the greatest place right now.

That’s why it’s important to show just a little bit of empathy — or why it should be important, anyway.

But, as she revealed on Twitter, not everyone has been so kind to her lately.

To go back a bit, Khloe revealed on her app last week that while she is breastfeeding her daughter, she’s also supplementing with formula.

In promoting one of those fancy bottle makers, she explained that “Technically I don’t need something like this because I breastfeed, but because I don’t produce enough milk, I also have to give a bottle with every feeding.”

“And, with the formula I use, I have to give True the bottle within 30 minutes of making it, so it’s been amazing to have this machine make it for me.”

She said that the machine is great because “when I’m exhausted and can’t even keep my eyes open in the middle of the night, it’s a total lifesaver.”

But instead of picking up on the wild idea to spend nearly $ 200 on a machine that mixes up a bottle of formula — something most people can do with their hands — people picked up on the fact that Khloe is supplementing with formula.

And if you know the internet, then you know that some of those people were jerks about it.

The reaction wasn’t all bad though — one kind soul tweeted “Mad respect to @khloekardashian for opening up about supplementing with formula.”

And Khloe herself responded!

“Mommy shaming is real!” she wrote. “But the truth is I’ve tried and tried and tried to breast feed only and it wasn’t working for me.”

“I feel fortunate that I am able to still breast-feed but with the help of formula. Breast-feeding is something I really wanted to do. Just am not fully able.”

Oh, the dreaded mommy-shaming …

There are so many awful parents in the world, you know? And so many genuinely dumb decisions that typically good parents make.

As the months and years go on, we’re sure we’ll see Khloe put True in a questionable outfit, or make some carseat mistake, or say something a little inappropriate.

Let’s just wait until then to get in our criticism, all right? There’s no need to shame her for the way she feeds her child.

Breastfeeding can be hard, struggling to breastfeed when that’s what you really wanted must be even harder, and struggling to breastfeed when you’re also dealing with your boyfriend stepping out on you every chance he gets?

Let’s just all be so nice to Khloe, all right?

At least for a little while.

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Corinne Olympios: The Bachelorette Totally Sucks Now! Is It MY Fault?

If you follow The Bachelorette Spoilers, you know the fateful choice that Becca Kufrin will eventually make.

But … is this season as entertaining as those in the past? Notorious Bachelor Villain Corinne Olympios doesn’t think so.

She says that the show kind of sucks now. She also thinks that she knows why.

Speaking on The Michelle Collins Show on SiriusXM radio, Corinne says that she is still watching The Bachelorette.

But … she’s not impressed.

“It’s kind of boring. And I don’t like Jordan.”

Not all Bachelor Villains automatically like each other. They’re not, like, a faction.

Jordan Kimball is a model who is unafraid to use his hotness as a not-so-subtle weapon.

But Corinne says that this season just lacks entertainment value.

“I feel like The Bachelor’s losing steam real quick.”

She’s totally not trying to be mean at all, but she feels like the entire franchise has gone downhill.

“…It just sucks”

Some members of the Bachelor Nation have expressed similar sentiments, but others vehemently disagree.

But, as we said, Corinne means no ill will.

“Sorry. I mean, I love them.”

Just because you love something doesn’t mean that you can’t voice your criticisms of the franchise. That goes for The Bachelorette or for Star Wars.

“I know I love them and it has nothing to do with any one individual person.”

So she’s making it clear that this isn’t an issue with Becca or her suitors — maybe not even Jordan.

“It’s just the show doesn’t seem to be working anymore.”

Corinne gets blunt and admits that, to her, this season has been “kinda boring.”

“Now the drama is just, like, trying too hard.”

She has a guilty suspicion that it might be somehow, and very indirectly, her fault.

“Is it because of the drinking rule? Because …. I hate to call my own self out, but … is it?”

It’s been almost exactly a year since Bachelor in Paradise production was shut down due to a poolside sex romp.

While the investigation concluded that it was all a false alarm, they did put into place a limit to avoid further scares in the future.

“Does that suck that the show was only great because of drinking? … It’s like 1 drink per 2 hours or something. Don’t quote me on that.”

Sorry; we did literally quote her on that. But we did it with context.

For the record, the rule is reportedly that each contestant is only permitted two drinks per hour. That can add up on an empty stomach for some of the smaller contestants, but it should keep things from getting too out-of-control.

And Corinne worries that this is holding back the show from being “great.”

Producers have insisted that the show was never using alcohol as a social lubricant to stir up drama, but … some wonder if alcohol was the franchise’s fuel and that it may now be running on fumes.

“Like, you’re trying too hard to make drama.”

Corinne also opened up on Nick Viall. Remember how she was once head-over-heels for the guy?

She has changed her tune. Hindsight can help you see past someone’s charm.

“He’s just not really that nice. He’s grumpy.”

She does have something much more flattering to say.

“He’s much better looking in person, yeah, I’ll say that.”

You ever look up your crush on social media and they just look … fine? But in person they’re so attractive that you want to weep?

That’s because some folks are more photogenic than others. Sometimes, people who aren’t even a little attractive just have features that happen to look good on camera.

And there can be ludicrously attractive people who come across as “pretty” on camera.

Corinne doesn’t revel in dishing on her ex, but … she does dish on him.

“I am sad to say, unfortunately, that — not just me, a lot of people have said this, that he just seems so miserable in person recently.”

This echoes recent sentiments shared by others.

Alexis Waters doesn’t think that Nick is really even searching for the same thing that so many are.

“I don’t think he really [wants to find love].”

Danielle Lombard doesn’t think that he knows what he wants.

“I think he’s just confused… in general.”

That’s not quite harsh, but it’s not flattering, either.

Corinne is a controversial figure for the Bachelor Nation.

Sadly, with these comments, it seems more unlikely than ever that she’ll ever play the leading lady on The Bachelorette.

Which is a shame, because she is one of the most entertaining television personalities to ever grace any screen.

In fact, some of the folks who agree with her that the franchise is headed downhill might think that she’s just the right injection of fun and chaos that the series needs.

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Brody Jenner: The Kardashians Suck! And Caitlyn REALLY Sucks!

Just a few days ago, Brody Jenner officially gained a new member of his family when he married Kaitlynn Carter.

But it appears as if he unofficially lost another member of his family in the process.

Might Brody’s relationship with father Caitlyn have finally reached its true and final breaking point?

This is the strong impression we get after receiving confirmation that Caitlyn did not attend her son’s nuptials.

Jenner and Carter exchanged vows in Nihi, Sumba Island, which is a luxury island resort that’s about 250 miles east of Bali, Indonesia. It doesn’t get much more romantic than that.

But it also doesn’t get much more annoying and awkward when Brody’s supposedly close family members do not bother to make the trip.

Kylie Jenner wasn’t there. Kendall Jenner wasn’t there. And, most notably, Caitlyn Jenner wasn’t there.

“My two little sisters, we never even heard from them. They never even RSVP’d I don’t think,” Brody previously told People Magazine.

According to Radar Online, meanwhile, Caitlyn did not attend because he did not receive approval from girlfriend Sophia Hutchins.

This couple is allegedly “inseparable,” a source says, and they already had plans for that weekend and Sophia just didn’t feel like going … so that was it.

“It was a big disappointment,” Brody tells People in its latest issue, adding of her famous dad: “Especially considering that she had known about the wedding for a year.”

An insider tells Life & Style, meanwhile, that “Caitlyn canceled her trip at the last minute,” without giving her son a reasonable explanation why.

“She said she had plans she couldn’t get out of and was too busy.”

As it turns out, Caitlyn showed up at Austria’s Life Ball with Hutchins, which is a charity event that supports people with HIV.

It’s a worthwhile cause, but at the expense of your own child’s wedding?

“Everyone was upset,” this tabloid source continues, delving into the history of father and son a bit and adding:

“Caitlyn was a distant dad [when Brody was growing up], and she hasn’t changed at all. She’s still the selfish father she always was.”

Brody, of course, it not very close to his step-siblings.

There’s a reason you’ve never seen him on an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

“He calls them all his ‘fake-ass-family’ and thinks they’re just like what he calls ‘the Kar-trashians,'” says this same insider, adding:

“He’s so disappointed and hurt.”

This hurt goes back many years.

It was well documented at the time that Brody was unhappy when Kim Kardashian neglected to invite him to her 2015 wedding to Kanye West.  

“I don’t know why Brody is still talking about this,” Kim said on Keeping Up with the Kardashians shortly after this mini scandal went viral.

 “We were very strict about our wedding. There were less than 200 people there,” she continued.

“Everyone else respected that – it’s not a big deal. We love our stepbrothers. It just seems like they are always talking about this divide.”

They’re really not.

But Kim need not worry about this much anymore: we doubt Brody will be talking or thinking about any of the Kardashians or Jenners any time in the near future.

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