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Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 4 Recap: The Thirst is Strong With This One

On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 4 Scheana made a decision about her bridesmaids that sent shock waves through the SUR world.

Meanwhile, Katie Maloney discovered that Tom Schwartz was seeking therapy, and James Kennedy’s new girlfriend made an appearance.

Yes, someone is dating James Kennedy. Willingly!

If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know that James is a royal pain in the ass who you either love to hate or just plain hate.

You also know that the guy gets around like a record, and this week we met his latest plaything, who he met at PUMP last New Year’s.

The lucky (?) woman’s name: Raquel Leviss.

“I played a little Beyoncé, and I wound up with a girlfriend,” James said, as the two promptly got it on behind a screen in his one-room rental.

Soon, Raquel (who apparently doesn’t watch Bravo) realized what we’ve all known for some time – that James had his fair share of haters.

“I’m not serving fried chicken, and they hate that,” James insisted, presumably implying that people who hate on him are jealous or something.

What other explanation can there be?!

Meanwhile, Katie Maloney, Kristen Doute and Stassi Schroeder all got together to gossip on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 4.

What else is there to do on a boring sunny afternoon in LA with the cameras rolling and so many potential pots to be stirring, are we right?

The group discussed how Scheana Shay was so hurt that Katie Maloney had gone at her over her “rekindled friendship” with Lala Kent.

Is it a loyalty thing? Or …

“When Katie’s drunk, she’s irrational,” Shay told Brittany Cartwright. “She accused me, like, four times of saying something I absolutely did not say.”

That’s when Lala came into work and started making small talk, at which point Scheana tried to avoid incurring the wrath of “Tequila Katie.”

Again.

“I’m really not trying to be a bitch,” Scheana told Lala.

“It’s just that Katie is one of my best friends. I’m happy to say hello to you and be professional. It’s just the conversation, it makes me uncomfortable.”

Speaking of uncomfortable, that’s what James was making everyone by continually showing up to work drunk. Like, visibly intoxicated.

James made a scene when the restaurant’s new hostess implied she had hooked up with him, placing him right in the middle of a scandal.

Again. Did he cheat on his girlfriend?

Jax Taylor and Lala found the James drama incredibly entertaining … in large part because the rumors weren’t about them for once.

“The only thing I can think about is, thank God that rumors are being spread about somebody that is not me,” Lala laughed.

Others were not so amused …

“Play your little discs, and shut up,” Lisa said, and after he failed to heed her warning and nearly fought her husband, Lisa finally fired James.

We’ll see if it takes this time.

Getting increasingly nervous about his upcoming wedding (to the surprise of no one) Tom Schwartz sought out a therapist to help him.

When his therapist asked if he is really ready to get married, he answered with a cringe-worthy, high-pitched, uncomfortable, “Yeah…”

Naturally, he was also too nervous to tell Katie that he was going to therapy, but soon realized he had no other choice but to do that.

Not that it’s going to be easy.

“It’s like being in a relationship with the f–king wall,” she said, crying all the tears over a glass of wine when he tried to open up to her.

Conversation over.

Katie’s alcohol-fueled “dark side” worries Tom, and for good reason, but whether he handles it in the best way possible is another story.

Going behind Katie’s back and asking Ariana Madix to be one of his groomsmen (seriously) when Katie doesn’t want her in the wedding?

Pretty amazing.

One can only imagine what her reaction will be to that next week … but we can almost guarantee it’ll be a moment worthy of this gallery:

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