On Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17, Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval engaged in an epic blowout over accusations of cheating.
While in drag, naturally.
There was a brief moment in Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 17 that will truly never be replicated in the history of reality TV.
For better or worse.
Tom Sandoval, with a face full of makeup, kicked in a bathroom door to find Tom Schwartz, who he likened to a battered wife, on the floor.
Schwartz, of course, is not a battered wife. He is a pathetic dude whose fiancee is pissed he slept with some other girl in Las Vegas.
To liken him to a woman who experiences actual abuse is insulting on so many levels, yet it underscores how much Sandoval loves him.
They didn’t end up in bed together, but they did share an embrace that was years in the making, exemplifying one of TV’s top bromances.
If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you know that Sandoval probably loves Schwartz even more than Katie Maloney loves Schwartz.
Or Schwartz loves Schwartz.
As a result, he was the one running point in the effort to diffuse the situation with Katie and the girls that erupted on last week’s episode.
Stassi Schroeder also realized, in a rare moment of self-awareness and clarity, that her past fights with Katie caused her to miss out.
Not on something for herself, but on one of the painful moments (Schwartz’s alleged cheating) when Katie needed her most as a friend.
Of course, things soon got all kinds of awkward when Schwartz walked in to apologize to Katie for all of the things he did to upset her.
She was not having it.
The next day, they did have a real talk in which Katie and Tom agreed to bury the hatchet, even if he wouldn’t admit what he did in Vegas.
Meanwhile, Kristen confronted Tom Sandoval about trying to sabotage her romance with Carter, and that was about as weird as it sounds.
Sandoval is not above drama, but when it comes to Kristen Doute, he’d rather leave well enough alone, and move on with their lives.
As he put it, this was as if Doute was trying to have an argument with herself. Not an inaccurate observation, and wouldn’t be a first.
Back in Los Angeles, Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd talked about partnering up with Tom Sandoval to open a new bar in West Hollywood.
Much as you want to shoot that idea down with jokes right off the bat, it actually seems like a partnership that could work out for everyone.
Unlike Schwartz, Jax Taylor and James Kennedy, Tom has never flaked out or irredeemably humiliated himself at his place of business.
Low standards, we know. But true.
He can also be incredibly charming and hard-working when properly motivated, and the idea of running his own place with the boss?
We’d check it out. Just saying.